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Beras After Dark: Episode 3
Recorded: Aug. 27, 2025 Duration: 1:06:45Space Recording
Full Transcription
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. BNICBN, can you hear me?
Hello, yes, I can.
What a lovely Tuesday night.
Is the weather as beautiful where you are as it is for me?
You know, it's not as hot as it's been lately.
It's a little bit humid, but not too bad.
Yeah, same here.
It's down from 109 to about 89.
So I am enjoying the respite of heat wave.
Nice.
Yeah, I stepped out earlier and was pleasantly surprised with how not as hot it was.
Well, I will tell you yesterday and a good segue into tonight's kind of conversation topics.
I, as part of my real job, I have to often entertain clients in certain business venues. And there was a venue yesterday evening,
and during the course of the evening,
it was a normal customer that comes in,
and he typically gets three tickets.
And normal attendance is him and his three friends,
is typically what I've been used to in the past
at the sporting event.
But last night, he had showed up with three lovely young women.
And during the course of the evening, of course,
the conversation had taken a turn toward the sort of the things we're going to
talk here tonight. And I had, I had said, well, ironically, you know, I,
I have a small little thing that I talk with my co-host about this sort of
stuff and would be anxious for your perspectives.
And I will tell you, the conversation I see lasted all night long.
And there were a myriad of examples I had given them about the stuff we've already discussed.
And their feedback was very similar, I think, to ours.
But then it had shifted in a whole other bunch of directions.
So we have an action-packed space tonight, I believe.
Did you have anything in RL that is going to contribute to tonight's discussion by chance?
I mean, nothing that I have pre-prepared,
I have pre-prepared, but I am surely excited to hear about what the Bears have to say for us tonight.
Well, let's kick off. Let's kick off with this. I know people tend to kind of trickle in.
Bjorn, welcome to the conversation. Thank you for joining us live.
As we have seen in the past, a lot of the Bears prefer to remain anonymous for whatever
reason in the background, even if they didn't ask questions. But I get a lot of DMs that they were
listening to us, but I'm like, I didn't see you in the crowd, though. So I don't know if it's
that controversial, the stuff we talk about here, but this is what spawned yesterday's conversation, I see. And I am so anxious for your feedback.
To lay the foundation is, again, we were just talking about relationships directionally,
and then one of the ladies had quoted an article that she had read.
And for context, the ladies were 21, 23, and 25, respectively.
All three single, all three three never married all three no children
and the topic of the conversation was this an article that had come out and i had heard something
similar to this but i was really fascinated by the facts and i did a bit of a deep dive in
preparation for tonight's discussion so i have some facts as well. But the article was that for the first time
ever in recorded history, women over 30 are single, unmarried, and childless more than any time ever
in all of recorded history. And as a result, there's a myriad of things from a social economic
perspective that are affecting that. But the thing that we really try to get to the heart of was the root cause. Why are more women now at the age of 30 single, never married and childless now more than ever? And of course, in order to gain that, we would need a woman's perspective. Well, in this case, we had three. But now I'm anxious to get your insights on this to see if it aligns with their feedback or if you have something additional to share. So I'm going to sit back and listen to you. Yeah, okay, that's
interesting. So I think first and foremost, we started to see a steep decline in the amount of
women that were married and with children. Once the societal norm became women in the workplace, it then shifted. Because now for a young single woman,
she has to make a very serious choice. Is she going to focus on a career so that she can sustain
herself throughout life? Or is she going to prioritize finding a husband and having children young? And some women are able
to do both. But I think more often than not, even the women that are in a relationship with someone
still oftentimes find themselves in a required position to bring a source of income. Because again, where our economy is now is that
living even just a basic life requires two incomes. And so that makes it a lot more difficult.
Now, on top of that, workplace norms in the U.S. at least are not very favorable to new mothers.
in the U.S. at least, are not very favorable to new mothers. They'll get perhaps a month off
and then be expected to go back to work. Or at least they're not going to be getting any more
maternity pay after anywhere from a few weeks to like a month, I think is like the norm.
So because of all those factors, it has created a climate that is very challenging, if not in some cases impossible, for a woman to not work
and focus on being a mother and a wife, which in my opinion is very unfortunate because it's
basically created this absolute obstacle for men and women to having that traditional family life and family structure.
So to at least start the conversation, I would start with that as like the biggest reason why.
So I see as a follow-up to your comment then, by implication, it's financial.
So let's say again, in your example, a man and a woman due to economic conditions are in fact forced to both be in the workplace.
Remember the three caveats were over 30, single, never married, and no children. You could certainly work and still be married,
right? Again, as you mentioned, the child makes it very difficult. But why do you think,
again, do you think there's a financial component to a woman simply being unmarried?
I think that there could be. Now, this is where there's a lot more nuance.
There's a few reasons why I would speculate this outcome. One of them being because women now work,
women have a higher standard that they require of men, which is unfortunate because, in my opinion,
yes, how financially stable a man is is important, but at unfortunate because in my opinion, yes, you know, how financially stable a
man is is important. But at the end of the day, like you should ultimately be looking for someone
who you can be best friends with and get through life working together through the ups and the
downs. But a lot of women now have this expectation of, okay, well, if I, for example, if I make 80,000 a year, I need a man to make at least 100,000 a year because I need a man to make more than them on the flip side there are a lot of men that feel negatively in some way
about being in a relationship where the woman is quote-unquote the breadwinner the the primary
financial uh winner or whatever uh so it's kind of like a both sides contribute to it. But I think in that regard,
that would be like what finance has to do with it. I would also cite that in general, I think
women just have this image of like, I need him to be six foot tall make six figures six inches you know
elsewhere is the common uh quote or whatever so it kind of goes back to like i said before like
they i mean i i hesitate to say like their standards are too high.
But I mean, low key for some women, it's like, girl, be so for real.
I don't know.
So, yeah, I would say it's financial. And also, I don't know, like what word to boil it down to on the other point that I made.
But I'd say primarily those two things.
You know, this is great because some of this aligned with what was spoken yesterday.
And as you had highlighted, and again, we don't want to put labels on anyone or classify
a genre or an age or a sex or a race or anything. It's like every one of these people do this. But as a standard, we would say more often than not,
if a woman is in the workplace, as you mentioned,
and she makes X amount of money, she would prefer a man.
And not every woman, of course, but more often than not,
she would prefer him to make either as much or more.
This came up specifically in that conversation yesterday.
And one of the men had said well
this is where men and women are really different and and the ladies had said well how so like how
do you mean and he had said well i would argue that on the opposite end most men as a what they're
looking for like something like you know my minimum expectation or my standards, if you want to put the word in quotes, they don't care if a woman makes as much or more than them.
In fact, the point you touched on, it could even be almost a negative if a woman made too much due
to a man feeling intimidated or as if he isn't worthy type thing. So not only is it not something
that men don't look at at all, if they were to look at it, it would almost be the inverse. And I think that universally,
everyone in the room agreed with that statement. What are your thoughts on that?
Yeah. I mean, I've, I've talked with a lot of guys like on CT, you know, in spaces.
a lot of guys like on CT, you know, in spaces. And I've heard that exact opinion from the men
themselves that they don't, they're not looking for a woman to be a breadwinner. They actually
typically don't prefer that women are the boss, babe, CEO type. Men more often than not, as a generalization, want a woman who has motherly
and wifely traits over the career-oriented traits. So there's this chasm that has grown
because where the more society pushes women to be like, you're independent, you don't need no man,
you're a boss babe,
the more that she kind of, honestly,
if I can just be blunt with it,
goes into her masculine.
And men want women more often than not,
I would say even majority of men
want a woman who is in her feminine.
Like I've heard men straight up say, I would rather a kind, beautiful young lady that works
at McDonald's over a bitter, aggressive CEO that makes millions.
Because at the end of the day, I think what men want is just peace.
Women want stability.
Men want peace.
And historically, that's what they give each other.
I think that's beautifully said, Icy.
And I think some of the data here, having dug in, and a lot of people had some facts, things they had written, and I wanted to fact check it.
But this was really something that was interesting to me.
And it, well, I'm not sure how
I feel about it, honestly. They have studied a lot of things, because this is apparently a big
problem. And, you know, pardon me for being in a bubble and not really kind of knowing the societal
impacts of this. Of course, I have felt it. Of course, I'm keenly aware of all the things you've
mentioned. But the main impact is the replacement level.
Do you know what the replacement level is?
Even when I say that, do you know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, I don't know what that number is currently, but I know that we are at a point in society
where at least a white majority countries like U.S. and Europe are in the negatives for replacement.
So, yeah, the replacement level, if you're just logically thinking about it, is supposed to be two, right?
If a man and a woman are married, in order for them to be replaced, in quotes, when they die, they need to have two kids, right?
They die, two kids are there, now you're flat, right?
You're net-net.
There's a small little, you really need it to be 2.1 in order for it to be truly
replaced. The reason being is because the 0.1 is due to infant deaths, right? There's a small
portion of infant deaths that you need to make up for in order for that replacement level to be
really net net. Currently in the US, our replacement level is only 1.6 now, to your point, and it's going down. It's
going the opposite way, and it has been. This results in an aging population, a shrinking
workforce. It puts strains on healthcare systems and pensions, all these things. So there's a real
economic stagnation that happens. We're fortunate in the U.S. and, you know, this is a real hot
topic right now. We are at a replacement level, not through natural birth rate, but we are due
to one thing, and that is migration. So because we have such a high migration, well, at least we did,
I guess, until Trump took office, we were offsetting that replacement level. And other
countries have done the same.
But when they looked at us, okay, we've got a real problem here, to your point,
across a lot of the European countries, the United States, other ones, but not so much in others.
So they wanted to do this study to figure out, and they couldn't figure it out.
What is it, right?
What is the common denominator?
We can't seem to find anything.
Culturally, we kind of have an idea of what's driving this, right?
But what is something we can really wrap our head around?
And when they finally did it, it lined up perfectly with the exception of one country,
which we're going to talk about in a moment.
And that statistic, the one thing that lined up perfectly was the higher the country had
women that were educated, the lower the birth rate, meaning the smarter the woman,
the less they had kids. And it was across every country in the entire world. It lined up line by
line, basically perfectly, which sends a message on the surface that a woman, if she's smart in
quotes, decides, I don't want to have that shit. I don't want a family.
I don't want kids.
I don't want any of that.
Like, I'm good.
Is that, do you feel that there's any truth to that?
I think that it, I can't speculate on, like, the percentages.
But I think that is a part of it.
And the other part is because this is, like oh I know vaguely of the statistics that
you're referencing the smarter the the country the less that replacement I think it's not necessarily
um in all cases like a woman being like I don't want no kids I'm going to enjoy my life but it's
also that the more educated you are the more that you understand what it takes to raise a productive
member of society. And whether that hesitation come from a place of, I don't feel ready to
raise a kid and give them the best life possible, or it could be with the state of the things in the world
you know it's how could we have kids which is a really common thing i i see and i think that's
honestly really stupid um though you know those all kind of branched as reasonings to explain
why the more educated one is the less likely they are to want to have children.
It was such an interesting statistic as I went through it, I see. And again, the counter argument
to that always is, well, hey, just do it. It's going to work itself out. And yes, it's not going
to be perfect. Yes, there's going to be struggles. There's going to be strife. But through those struggles, through that hardship, character is made. And you need
to have a four to five character, right? If everything was perfect and the bills were always
paid and there was no struggle, the boy or the girl as they grew up might not have the grit.
Again, a word that we've talked about on this exact show might be absent. So I understand both sides of
the argument. The one country that I mentioned was Hungary. That was an exception. They have
very intelligent females there, but they had a very high birth rate. So they did a little digging
and this is fascinating. I don't know anything about Hungary. Do you know? And did you know,
do you know anyone from Hungary by chance, Isie? Not personally, no.
So they have an incredible incentive package for birth in Hungary.
I couldn't believe this until I read it with my own eyes and confirmed it. For women only, if you're a mother of four or more, you are exempt from any tax of any kind for life.
Period. Hard stop.
This year, in fact, in two months, in October, they're cutting that down to three children.
So if a woman has three children, you're exempt from all income tax of any kind for life.
In January of next year, they're going to cut it down to two children, but only if you're under 40.
So you have to have two kids. And if you're under 40, you don't have to pay taxes for the rest of
your entire life. Now they're going to expand that to all ages by 2029. In addition, mothers under 30 with
only one child in January of 2026, one kid under 30, you will be exempt from having to pay
any income tax of any kind for the woman, nothing for the man.
income tax of any kind for the woman, nothing for the man. I'm anxious for your initial thoughts.
I think that's an absolutely incredible move, to be honest, because like we've touched on,
the reason that so many women are hesitating from wanting to start a family are the financial
burdens and worries that come from living in the current society,
the current economy that we do that for most cases requires a two-parent income.
And I mean, I don't know about you, but as a woman myself, you know, unmarried, no kids yet,
I don't want to have kids and let someone else raise them, which is a reason why, you know,
even if I was married right now, I would hesitate to have a child at this current time.
Because again, I would want to be the one who is mothering my children. Now in that situation,
it sounds to me like that gives you way more flexibility for maybe the wife to do
part-time work or maybe you know because depending on what the uh culture is like in a place maybe
they have a very strong familial culture and you're having that support from your your parents
or your spouse's parents to watch the kids in In the U.S., it's not so much that,
unfortunately. So I think that's a great idea. I mean, I think if the U.S. implemented that,
we would see a huge boom in national, like, U.S. citizen birth, for sure.
So having dug into this a little more,
there is a piece to the U.S.
Apparently, allegedly,
Trump passed that new law,
if you're not familiar with it,
it's the $1,000 one,
where any child now born effective next year
will get $1,000 invested in the stock market automatically upon their birth by the federal government that they can't take out until they're 18 or mature every year.
And parents will be allowed to contribute to that tax free as much as they'd like all the way up until the child's 18.
They estimate it should by the time it matures, the child should have anywhere between 20 or 30,000 based on estimates
of how the stocks should go and have gone traditionally since the beginning of time.
And they said that was Trump's kind of way of incenting, right? Obviously, it's not as rich
as Hungary's because he had heard about this and said, well, we need to do something about it. And
this is what it was. I don't know if it's anywhere near juicy enough for people to make the dip, but there was a counter argument. Well, okay, well, what would prevent women from
just going out and having a bunch of children then so that that way they don't have to pay
income tax? And now you have fatherless children and you have broken the family dynamic. Well,
they've built in a caveat that you need to remain married in order for you to realize that exemption, which is
awesome. But in addition, they're like, well, is that really worth it? Any newlywed gets a
interest-free loan for 10 million huff, which is about $26,000 US. So the government, if you get
married, they're like, hey, here's $25,000 interest-free for you get married they're like hey here's 25 000 interest-free for
you just because you're going to get married like you're going to get paid 25 grand to get married
by the federal government and then they add in the second portion which every child you have
we will knock off 7 800 that you never need to take back. And if you have three children, then you don't have
to pay any of it back. You just keep the money. So is a $25,000 enough for you to consider getting
married? And is $7,800 enough per kid enough for you to consider having a child? Thoughts?
for you to consider having a child. Thoughts? Well, me personally, yes, but I am someone who
really values a more traditional kind of, you know, priority on having a family, and that includes
a two-parent household. So regardless of that, I already, as an individual,
Regardless of that, I already as an individual want to, you know, be married and have kids.
I think that on top of it is a fantastic initiative to try to support and even rebuild the culture around prioritizing family.
the culture around prioritizing family.
And I appreciate the caveat of like,
you know, you mentioned,
well, you have to stay married
to have that tax-free, you know, perk
because we already have such a problem
with single-parent households
where, you know,
a woman may have children from five different men and
none of those men are in the children's lives. That's obviously not a good situation either.
So by including that caveat, I think that that's doing some really good work toward,
some really good work toward, you know, again, like having that traditional two-parent household
that I'm pretty confident to bet my money on is integral to a child's ultimate well-being
and opportunities in life. I'm fascinated by the discussion. I was fascinated by these statistics and fascinated on the long-term impacts that it's having both here and abroad. And someone, i.e. Hungary, is taking a proactive approach, doing what they can. And I guess incenting women to have children is the answer, according to the studies.
ladies. As I mentioned, there were three ladies in the venue, and one of them had said almost
very similar to what you had said, that there's a financial component, right? We want to be
responsible and da-da-da-da-da. The other one said something that was spot on to what you had said.
It might have been our last show or maybe our first show where she had said that chivalry is dead
and she would prefer to have a man more traditional. She can't find it. And the third
lady kind of backed that up, but had said, Eve went out on, and this, I'll never forget it
because the word she used painted such a picture for me and I was troubled by it. And she had said,
a picture for me and I was troubled by it. And she had said, yes, but I would also say that men
today. And again, she had specifically said in her age group, which is men, twenties and thirties.
And again, in her experiences, her opinion, this not necessarily mine or yours, I see,
but I'm anxious to see if you agree with these. She had used the word men are not really like men anymore. They're in quotes this term, the adjective sassy.
Sassy with an S?
Sassy.
Yeah, she had described men nowadays as not masculine, but instead sassy.
What are your thoughts?
Well, I think that opens up the door to a much larger discussion where it has been statistically analyzed as well that the average testosterone of a male has gone down considerably in recent decades due to factors like what's in our food, what kind of food we're eating.
what's in our food, what kind of food we're eating, the fact that men, like, a lot more than
they used to work sedentary jobs, so they're not as physically active as they once were.
And also, I think it is a cultural thing that, yeah, it's a very robust problem to look at from what I've seen, from what I've read, experienced, heard from others.
There's this double-edged sword also with there was such an uproar about how dare a man flirt with me?
How dare a man catcall me? How dare a man ask me out on a date?
That they've now gone the complete opposite way. Men are no longer
doing that because they're like, it's not worth it. I don't want to be, you know, not even rejected.
It's that men are like, well, why would I bother trying to flirt with a woman I see in public
when there has been such a crusade, you know, chastising men who do that. But now we're seeing the flip of that where
women are like, why aren't men hitting on me? Why aren't men buying me a drink and coming up to me
and talking? So there are a lot of different factors, I think, that are contributing to that,
like, final opinion that that, that the women you mentioned had made and it's i think like it's
partially on the men partially on the women and again partially on society for like well what's
in our food why why are men having such lower testosterone why are men eating foods that are so high in estrogen now that it is depleting their natural reservoir
of testosterone. And culturally, again, like I mentioned, so it is a very,
not even double-sided, like there are multiple sides to this problem that I think contribute to
why those women have that opinion. Yeah, I think there's some science potentially
there in addition to probably some social stuff as well. But in hearing, in looking at them
and in hearing their journey and hearing their story and hearing, I don't want to say their
frustration with the dating market, but just almost their abandonment of it.
And again, I think several things you touched on was responsible for, which is, well, hey, I'm making my own money.
Like, I don't really need to put up with the drama.
I don't need the bullshit.
And in addition, even if I was willing to do it, like, dudes aren't really dudes anyway.
So, you know, like, eh.
And then it's so ironic because it was a perfect segue into our first
question of the night icy it kind of turned into a like what's the benefits right uh and it turned
into that like what's the from a man's perspective what's the benefit of having a female from a
female's perspective what's the benefit of having a male and it kind of went into that and that our
first question of the night from a bearer, the bearer writes to us.
I listened to your show last week and I liked it.
Hey, thanks.
Appreciate it.
I've been looped into the what do you bring to the table argument?
Is this okay to ask to a date or even in a chat prior to a date?
Now, I didn't know what this was, I see, until I did a little bit of research, but maybe you do the what do you bring to the table argument. Apparently,
this is kind of a movement. Are you familiar with it? I am, yeah.
Okay, so I familiarize myself with it. I'm anxious for your thoughts. The bearer asks,
is this okay? Is it acceptable to ask your date that, or even prior to a date,
you know, like setting yourself up to potentially go on a date, is this appropriate?
Uh, all right. So my personal opinion is asking that straight out is just not a very,
uh, strategic way of doing it, but at its core, 100%, you should figure out what the other person
brings to the table. And so to expand on that a little bit, I don't think it's necessarily a great
idea, like on your first date, to just look at the other person and be like, so what do you bring to
the table? But you should naturally find that out by asking about them, by learning about
them. Like, what do they prioritize in life? What are their dreams? What are their goals?
What have they accomplished already? You know, how do they get through hard times? How do they
enjoy the good times? Through natural conversation, you can find out what they bring to the table.
But no, I don't think it's necessarily wise to just flat out ask that.
And besides, even if you ask someone flat out, what do you bring to the table?
That's going to give them a lot more room to not necessarily be deceptive, but to give you what you want to hear versus naturally
getting to know them, you know, is going to be just, I think, a way better way to gauge
if what they're bringing is what you want in a partner.
I'm fascinated by the whole thing, I see, to be very honest with you.
I guess I've just been
very fortunate in, you know, the old fashioned way you, you meet somebody, you know, you have
some vibes, you got energy or you don't, and it either turns into something or it doesn't. And
as I read through this and got from real familiar with it, and again, chatted with a couple of guys
that I normally just talk crypto stuff with, and we kind of went into some personal stuff like this and they filled me in on it.
I appreciate if it's a man or, you know, I guess it's more coming from a woman's perspective,
the urgency, which is, hey, you know, I've been on tons of dates and maybe I have a bunch
of failed relationships, failed marriages, whatever.
And while I would normally go through the traditional steps of getting to know you and that happened organically, because of my work schedule and because of your work schedule, we won't see each other often enough for me to get to that point for maybe three months or six months or maybe beyond.
And I just don't have that time.
So I'm going to, you know, front run this and just ask you, Hey, like, what are you bringing?
Like, why you like an interview, almost like a sales pitch. I, I sympathize kind of with that.
Like, I, I get it again. I understand it. I do not agree with it though. I think it's inappropriate.
And I think that it, it rushes.
I think we need to be grounded in what are we chasing here? Like, what are we interviewing for?
Right. What's the purpose of this? Well, you're chasing a long-term relationship that again,
would potentially be a marriage, which would potentially be a lifelong partner, et cetera.
Well, what is that in the overall scheme of things? Well, that's the most important thing in your life.
There is nothing more important.
You're chasing the golden goose, right?
You're chasing the holy grail that often most never get to ever achieve.
So you don't front run that process.
You don't rush it.
And even if you do take your time, the chances that you get it is still pretty low. And while that might seem grim or while it might seem like that sucks or whatever, that's why it's so special.
Because it's so rare.
Because it's so hard to achieve.
So I think if you're grounded in that mindset of, okay, well, yeah, we're both here, right, in this day tonight, because we're both interested in chasing the ultimate goal in life. And I guess the question
is, have you prepared yourself accordingly for that? Because that's going to be rife with treachery
and sadness and happiness and all the emotions across the spectrum. And that's going to take decades of time so I think someone that is
focused on that or asking that question albeit again rooted in hey I want those things but I
just don't want to waste any more time because time's limited I think they're missing the bigger
picture but I'm anxious to see if you agree with me yeah um I do like I can see where, like, how someone comes to that conclusion, but ultimately I find myself agreeing with you, and I think one of the things that has kind of changed about the human experience is we, I think, one, it's just kind of like culturally shifted to this.
I think with the additional pressure of like being constantly connected to the internet and to everyone,
being inundated constantly with content, comparisons to other people's lives.
As we all know, people post the highlights on things like Instagram.
They don't often post the bad times or the bad angles or the bad photos,
et cetera, that it's kind of like created this sort of pressure of rushing
to get things done instead of enjoying the journey that is life.
Beautiful.
I think that all those things you mentioned are a factor.
And yeah, I think it steals the magic of the moment.
And again, the importance of it.
There's one other piece to this I'd like to add
before we move on is I think, again, people,
I've had this happen to me. So I know it firsthand. And
if I had, I not experienced it and just read it in a manuscript, I don't know that I would feel
it so deeply. And that is you at the same time, you don't get to determine your own value.
Meaning if I tell you the person that I'm with, this is what I bring to the table, but they don't value any of those
things. We've got to miss. And I've seen that manifest itself in both men and women. The women
example I would use traditionally is when I guess you ask a woman, Hey, what do you bring table?
Well, I'm incredibly intelligent. I have a degree, right? I make my own money. I'm successful. I run
a team. And while those are awesome accomplishments, you worked hard to achieve those.
And no one can take that away from you. But in a relationship setting, if the man's like, well, that's great, but I'm not looking for that.
Right. I'm looking for a woman, as you mentioned, that can be a mother to my children.
And that doesn't mean to diminish your accomplishments or to talk
down to you or to, you know, ridicule you in any way. But if we're having a what do you bring to
the table conversation, it's more about the person on the other side of the table and their needs.
It's not about you. So if I get asked that question and I rattle off my resume of all the
accolades and accomplishments and things that I would
been in my life, but none of those are what my perfect perspective partner wants.
We've got a misfire.
And I think that if we were rooted in, well, what are you looking for?
If I have those features and qualities and you have the features and qualities that I'm looking for, then yeah, I think we might have a match. But if it's, well, just read your
resume off and I'll read your, well, none of those things are what I'm looking for. I just don't know
that that's the right approach because again, you don't get to determine your value. And I'm not
saying don't have self-esteem, don't have confidence in what you do, right? I'm not saying that,
but I'm saying the market determines your value, just like what someone's going to pay for. So you
can put a price tag on it, but it's only worth what someone's willing to pay. That's the true
price. Right. I mean, you could, you know, I completely agree with your point. And I think
this kind of touches on how we mentioned before
it really just depends on what each individual is looking for someone could determine your value to
be low but the right one for you the that you know quote-unquote perfect match soulmate would view
what you bring to the table with very high value so, I think absolutely like have self-confidence within
reason, you know, don't be like, oh, I'm the best ever because I promise you're not. And that goes
for everyone. No one is perfect except for that one that is right for you. You will think they're
perfect and, you know, overall, of course everyone has flaws um and vice versa so
absolutely yeah i think the market does determine your value you don't get to determine your value
within the dating scene well it's such an interesting point and um i'm glad that we
covered it and i can i hope that we we've helped that, Bera. I think, again, in closing, as we both agree, largely inappropriate. I would encourage you to not get wrapped up in that argument, that discussion, and focus more on what is the person, what are you looking for as an individual and what is that person looking for as an individual? And what is that person looking for as an individual? And if that matches, well, then that's great.
There's energy, there's chemistry.
Take that to the next level.
If it's a miss, that doesn't mean you're a bad person.
It doesn't mean they're a bad person.
It just means that they're not your person.
It was what I would kind of summarize it as anything to add as we move on to the next one.
No, I think that was a very robust conversation kind of dissecting that point.
So I'm feeling pretty good with how we're leaving that.
Yeah.
It's just such a, it's so interesting to me.
Now this next one, I'm, I struggled to believe it, to be very candid with you.
I struggled to believe it, but this goes off of a couple of the other things that we've
seen.
There's a term out there called financial dating. Are you familiar
with this term? Is that regarding like dating only for a particular tax bracket? Correct. Okay.
But apparently that has now morphed because that has largely gone unsuccessful, I guess, because some guys may be, I don't know, aware of it.
But this has happened in New York City. Now, I don't live in New York City, but I did confirm
it as it's happening. There was a thing on, again, the bearer was kind enough to send me
this thing on TikTok and wanted our thoughts on this. So the Barra had written that, I'm going to lay out the
examples, I'm having a hard time getting past this type of thing. I see it more often than not.
How can I trust anybody with this happening? And the example I see is this. Apparently, there's a very high-end financial zone in New York City with very high-profile
businessmen that make a large amount of money.
And in said business zone, there are a couple specific salad bars.
The men apparently call down to the salad bar, place their order, and then go and pick
it up and eat or enjoy their
lunch. And I guess these men are largely unapproachable, meaning they're not on any of
the dating apps. They don't play that game, which I guess makes sense, right? If they're incredibly
successful financially and we're assuming they're good looking, they're the total package.
So what has happened here, and this is not a fluke occurrence there's a this became
such an issue that the businesses had to take steps women were coming into the establishment
stealing the salads and getting the names of the individual because apparently you have to put your
first and last name right tom jones you know bill bradley whatever and they would stalk these men on LinkedIn because they don't have, again,
these dating apps. And from LinkedIn, they would slide in their DMs that way in an attempt to try
to, again, entice them to whatever means. This is being labeled as predatory. And I would agree with that.
I think if this is an example of a predatory female, I'm horrified by this. And had I not
seen it for sure with my own eyes, I would have challenged that it would have been real.
The bear apparently lives in New York. And I don't know if he's in that zone or not,
but he has seen this firsthand, witnessed it. This is not unique to New York.
It's not unique to this specific area. This financial dating apparently has now taken a
mind of its own where women are collectively apparently stalking men of high net worth
and twisting their mustache in the middle of the night. I find that so impossible to believe,
but I guess we have evidence of it here. And the bear is having
an issue being able to trust in a world where this occurs and is looking for our guidance on
how can they look past this type of stuff when it's everywhere? I'll pause there for your thoughts.
Well, I think, first of all, that's fucking hilarious that people are going to those lengths.
It's fucking hilarious that people are going to those lengths.
Well, I think it comes down to having faith and optimism in life.
There are a lot of people, and a lot of them are no good, or a lot of them are deceptive.
A lot of them are out for themselves.
But there are good people out there that are honest, that mean what they say
and say what they mean. So I think it's not like not letting yourself take the black pill.
You have to transcend that urge to have that doomer mindset. And even if you get burned a few times, you must remain emotionally and spiritually strong in trusting that there are good people out there and you will find them.
You know, in a very short way to put it, I suppose.
I think you nailed it with the faith.
I think we've mentioned that word on a previous show we've done is faith is going to be necessary in all things, not necessarily from a religious point of view, but just, again, a trust and have faith in this process.
And, boy, this is this was really something for me.
in my life. And, and the other part of this, which was really kind of odd was it was met with such a
mixed emotion because there were not only a couple of females, but many females that
were, well, a couple were defending the behavior, right? A girl's got to do a girl's got to do,
which again is obviously they're in the same class of the ones that are doing it and you just
avoid them at all costs. But there was a second class that wasn't defending the behavior, but was sharing. It's finally about
time that men now have to worry in quotes about women for a change. Cause you know, women are
always having to be the one that are nervous about men, right? Is it safe and this? And now finally you guys have to worry too, right?
We're coming for you type thing.
And I found that very off-putting.
Thoughts?
I also find it very off-putting.
It kind of goes for that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
makes the whole world blind um and that's why like modern day feminism for what it's turned into
which is not really feminism as much as it is just full-blown misandry is not the solution either
we need to respect what each sex embodies and what they bring to the table.
Yes, there's shitty men.
Yes, there's shitty women.
But there are good men and there are good women.
We shouldn't celebrate, you know, causing pain or discomfort or suffering because that makes you no better than the ones who have enacted pain and
suffering onto you, in my opinion. You absolutely nailed it. Well said, I see. Well said. Again,
obviously not participating in the behavior, step one, but also not condoning the behavior.
And when I say condone, I mean taking taking a stance of, oh, yeah, that's
totally cool. It's about time. You know, oh, yeah. No, wrong is wrong, right? We don't continue
to burn down every house because one was set ablaze in the past. It's a ridiculous argument.
And to that bear, I would just say, again, man, stay strong here.
You know, obviously go in with an open mind, but not a naive one.
Meaning trust, give, don't withhold trust due to fear, which this is what this is.
Obviously you're in fear of being taken advantage of.
You're in fear that someone is, is have not having your best interest in mind, looking to manipulate you in some way.
Do not withhold trust due to fear. Just give some grace and make sure that you are getting to the
root energy of the person that you're entertaining or someone that you're considering entertaining.
And there's a myriad of ways to do that. We're not going to be able to walk through that here
in the show, but don't lose faith. Don't give up.
Like I mentioned earlier, you're chasing the golden grail.
You're chasing the best thing in life, which is to have a lifelong partner and a mate,
someone you can confide in, someone you can be alone with in your solidarity and just
be happy.
So that's a really special thing.
So stay focused on that, man, and stay strong.
I see it ducktales into, again, the final one.
This is, again, when I said we're going to solve all the world's problems,
this was the question that did it for me.
And, again, it's a perfect segue from what we just talked about.
And the bearer writes,
I am not sure if this is the type of question that you
guys can answer or not, but I'm going to give it a shot. I'm currently involved with someone.
I think they may be the one, but how do you know if you have found the one?
Difficult question, I see. How do you know if you have actually found the one what are your thoughts
that is a tough question I think it um I think the answer is a little bit different for everyone
I know that many say when you know you know if I had to uh shoot in the dark here and give a more specified response.
I would say, have you found someone that you see a future with,
that you feel supported and understood and seen by,
that can see you at your most vulnerable and still love you
and still support you and protect you you and vice versa, of course.
Money comes, money goes. But at the end of the day, if you, again, have a best friend
where you guys are overall aligned in the big picture of how you want your lives to play out, whether that's
a white picket fence or a nomad lifestyle, whatever it is, you can figure out the challenges
that life throws at you along the way. But if you have that solid foundation of mutual respect
and love, that might be how you know that you found that one.
What do you think, Wiggs?
Yeah, no, I love that.
I think, again, it highlights everything that's beautiful about a couple coming together and
having that sacred bond.
sacred bond. I, being a little bit older, I've had a lot of experience and having a
background in psychology, I've wanted to try to quantify this the best that I could, because I
have had several failed relationships, as I think most Veras, as they get older, have had. So, you
know, in an effort to get better uh not only for myself but
so i can be the best person the best partner i could possibly be i've kind of went through this
and i would offer this to the vera when you're looking for somebody and this can this applies
to a partner it could also apply to you know how do you know if you have a true friend as well
but uh again having attended a lot of series of lectures and just learning and development stuff.
I think, you know, you found the one or I should, I should break this down. These, this is
a good gateway to that. When you find someone who wishes you well, when you've done something good,
Wishes you well when you've done something good.
In addition, they also stop you when you are doing something destructive.
That's one thing that I would say.
The second thing is you can tell your partner, you can tell this, this is a special person.
You can tell them bad news.
And they're not going to tell you how stupid you are or more importantly, how something worse happened to them one time.
So often you'll see that.
Oh, my God, this happened.
Oh, yeah, that happened to me, too.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, it's the one upmanship, right?
Like, oh, my God, I had a flat tire today.
It was terrible.
A guy rear ended me and it just one thing led to another. And also, oh, you know what? I had a flat tire today. It was terrible. A guy rear-ended me and it just,
one thing led to another. And I'll say, oh, you know what? I had a flat tire once too. Same thing
happened, but actually both tires went out. So when you tell them that something bad happened,
they're not going to tell you how stupid you are, how something worse happened to them.
They'll listen to you and they'll sympathize with you. Conversely, you can tell them good news and they will help you celebrate.
They won't become jealous or angry, but instead they cheer with you.
Those are the three things foundationally that I look for.
I see I'm anxious for your thoughts.
I think you actually brought up some fantastic points. 100% agree with you that those are all things that you should look for.
And I also appreciate that you pointed out either in a partner or even just a friend,
something you had mentioned kind of like, you know, sent me off on another tangent as well that I wanted to bring up. And that is
both parties should also demonstrate a desire to better themselves because it's not about being
perfect, but it's about if you make a mistake, are you going to learn from that and grow? I think that's really important also in finding someone to go through life with, because we're all going to make mistakes. We're all going to, you know, unintentionally hurt those we care about at some point or another.
another. I think it's Bob Marley that had a quote along the lines of, everyone will hurt you. It's
about finding the ones worth suffering for. So if someone accidentally hurts you in a way,
you know, obviously within reason, it should be unintentional. You shouldn't be with someone that
intentionally says or does something to bring you pain or harm, but even if they do it unintentionally,
are they willing to reconcile, admit their wrongs, and do what is necessary to mend the
transgression and grow beyond that transgression so that it doesn't happen again? And that also goes for, you know, both a partner and a friend.
Absolutely agree. Absolutely agree. There is a couple of things, again, we'll close with as we
come up on the hour that I would add to it that again, now this is for me and me alone, what I do.
This might not be, might not work for the bearer in question, might not work for you, man. But in addition to those traits that we had just talked about, I have three very specific actions that I feel within me.
If I feel this way about this person, in addition to them checking those other three boxes, I would feel very confident that I have found, again, if you want to say the one, but I've certainly found somebody truly special and unique to me.
There's a process.
There's three things that when you read psychology, they say that if you can do this inherently and unconsciously with someone, you know you found somebody very special in your life.
And I agree with it wholeheartedly. And I've taken it to heart and I've applied it.
The first thing is you can admit to that person openly that you've made a mistake without fear,
meaning you can share with them, you know, I was at work today and I just did something
so stupid and it was completely my fault. And you know that that person isn't going
to judge you harshly or they're not going to make fun of you. That's step one. If you have found
somebody that you can honestly share with them, I made a mistake and it was completely my fault
without feeling embarrassed. Cause we all know we feel embarrassed when we say that we all make
mistakes, but how often do you go to somebody and say, Hey, this is on me. Like I did that. A lot of times we don't, cause we don't feel comfortable, right? We're
embarrassed. We refer to being judged harshly or made fun of. But if you can confidently say that
to someone, you know, okay, well, this is somebody that's unique to me and special to me in some way.
The second one that you can, if once you could pass that barrier with somebody,
that barrier with somebody. The second one is you can say, I'm scared. I'm afraid.
And I don't know what's about to happen. I don't know what I'm going to do. If you can admit that
and secondly, because you're going to, the mistake typically comes first. Fear is the second one
where you can openly admit to somebody, I'm scared and I just don't know what to do.
Very, very difficult.
That only comes through true connection.
The final step to that, the most difficult one, and again, you'll be able to do is I need help.
Someone that you can be completely vulnerable with and tell them, I need your help. I can't
do this alone. If you can do all three with one individual, in addition to the traits that I
mentioned before, for me, I would feel very confident in telling you that you have found
the one or at a minimum, someone truly special. I see again, your thoughts.
I think you absolutely said it, you know, articulately and eloquently.
All of those things, I think that both you and I mentioned are, I think we were able
to answer that very big question fairly well.
And again, you know, I think it is going to look a little different for each individual,
but like using those core tenants, hopefully we'll give this Vera and anyone else listening
a little bit of clarity on how to assess if they have found that one.
As I mentioned, we're solving world hunger here. We've done it.
Good work, team.
We've done it. We've done it.
Tune in next week where we share the cue for cancer.
We're going to change it one episode at a time, I see it.
And again, I appreciate everyone showing up.
I think Den's on the Bear's Unchained account.
And B, again, thank you for staying with us from the beginning.
We had a couple people pop in and out.
And again, some folks like to listen on recording and in the background.
But I'll share.
Even if it's just you and I taking an hour to talk it out and leave this for others to listen to later and hope that it adds value
one day, I would think that it's valuable.
So I hope you feel the same.
Oh, absolutely.
Even if it is just the two of us in here someday, I still enjoy the conversation.
I love engaging in discussion that gets the brain churning.
We're all low IQ bears here.
So it's nice every now and then
to give ourselves a bit of a mental workout
and to get that old machine running.
It sure does.
It sure does.
I echo your sentiments.
It's been an eye opener for me, honestly.
I see as we close.
Some of these things,
I think maybe I was aware of
like just subconsciously, but I'm moving so fast, you know, with just like you mentioned daily life,
right. We have income and, you know, things we have to pay and people we care for and
responsibilities and things. And we don't really maybe have time to look at the greater picture
of, Hey, what's the current dating scene in 2025 amongst, you know, people ages 20 to 40 and 46. What does that look
like? And what's the impact? Right. I, I just, maybe I'm going too fast, but as these, um,
some of these questions again, I'm, I hope we add value. And I think like this one is very
common, right? Hey, how do I know I found the one? Sure. Of course that makes sense. We,
that's been a question as old as time, but these other ones with these, you know,
kind of predatory financial dating, what do you bring to the table? Like these real, I don't know, what do you want to call them, genre-specific situations.
I'm just, I'm glad we're discussing them because it's opening my, and to your point, it's getting my brain working.
It's having me think about the core thesis of what makes us human and how can we be
better and how can we be better for each other and everything that goes along
with it. So I I'm, I'm thankful for it. It's,
it's not something that I've spent a lot of time on, but in this hour together
and sharing with the other bearers, we spend only this hour on it so far.
So it's been really great. So as we close out, we'll see you guys again next
week. Same, same Barra time, same Barra channel. Icy, anything you'd add as we shut it down?
Make sure for the rest of your night, morning, wherever you are in the world, you are drinking
plenty of water. Give that old body a nice stretch. If the sun is out, go outside, get your face in
the sunlight for at least five minutes a day, especially in the mornings.
It does wonders for your mood and for your, I'm blanking on the word, like your sleep
cycle gets you up, gets you ready to go in the morning.
And otherwise, stay optimistic, work hard, never give up on your dreams, and show up each day to the best of your ability, whether that's 100%, 50%, or even 10%.
As long as you show up and do your best each day, you will make progress.
I love that. With that, we'll see you guys next week. Take care, guys. See you soon.
