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Beras After Dark: Episode 5
Recorded: Sept. 10, 2025 Duration: 1:06:27Space Recording
Short Summary
In a recent discussion, participants explored the evolving dynamics of relationships and community engagement within the crypto space, highlighting trends in personal interactions, mental health, and the importance of collaboration. Key statistics revealed rising concerns about loneliness and its impact on community well-being, emphasizing the need for positive connections in the crypto ecosystem.
Full Transcription
Thank you. Thank you. Bien, bien. Icy, can you hear me?
Bien, bien. I can hear you. Can you hear me?
Loud and clear. Mic check is loud and clear. How was your weekend?
It was very nice. I was a little productive, a little chill, touched a little grass.
It was a pretty well-rounded weekend. How about you?
Uneventful.
Sometimes uneventful is nice, though.
Yes, I suppose. I mean, the contrary could be very eventful in a negative way.
It's always important to keep things in perspective.
Lots of working, lots of Bera studying, and lots of LP research.
Yes, yes.
I would say interesting, but I would be lying to you
I would say interesting, but I would be lying to you.
Well, as you have attempted to educate me on the whole VTuber thing
Perhaps if time permits, I could attempt to educate you on the whole LP thing
Both of them
That sounds like a fair exchange of knowledge
Yeah, I think so
Again, both are incredibly valuable
It would appear we have Midas in the audience tonight.
He has requested to come up, so I'm going to accept him up.
I think he might have something that he would like to share with us.
Midas, welcome to Berra's After Dark, Episode 5. Can you hear us?
Hello. Yo, what's up, Midas? How's After Dark, Episode 5. Can you hear us? Hello.
Yo, what's up, Midas?
How's it going? I see.
What's up, thanks.
You're killing, you know?
Yep.
Yep, same. Just kicking it. Just thought I'd hop on and say what's up.
Hell yeah. What's up?
This is our space where we talk about all things life, love, and beyond.
We're solving world crises in here.
Yeah, I can safely say that we absolutely have done that very same thing.
I see that the world is a better place.
And very few people, I think, can say that, right?
You know, I think you're right with that one.
So I think what we're doing here is pretty, you know, it's pretty useful to some, as they claim anyway.
What world crisis did we recently solve on Bears After Dark?
is did we recently solve on bears after dark fill me in well if you've if you're new to the program
Fill me in.
basically we get base um we get dms that we have we accept from bears with uh in real life
situations it's very strongly relationship focused and i will share this week's questions I see are, once again, so robust.
And I know I had hinted to you that we got an incredible DM today that was so complimentary.
And I said, I'm anxious to share with you on tonight's show.
And I don't want to keep you waiting.
And number one, I don't want to keep you waiting. Number two, I'm so excited to read it because it's really quite lovely.
So I will read it now.
It reads, my wife and I started listening on the second show and we love it.
Yay.
We think both of your thoughts are insightful and most importantly, honest.
We listen on recording and we pause it after Migs reads the situations.
We say what we think, but now we have also started trying to guess what we think you both are going to say.
And it has been so much fun.
Three exclamation marks.
Three exclamation marks.
We do not have a question yet, but we wanted to say thank you for making our Wednesday morning so much fun.
Icy, thoughts?
That is so wholesome and cute.
I love that they have evolved their game from just simply reacting to the situation themselves to guessing what we're
going to react with. I would love to be a fly on the wall for their listen through.
No, for sure. As I read through it, I thought, oh my gosh, like I just, now again, who knows the
age of these, of these bears, but I mean, given it's crypto, I, I, originally I thought, oh,
it's grandma
and grandpa in the rocking chair you know sitting and listening on a wednesday morning over coffee
i'm like wait a minute doesn't make sense this is crypto right so i'm like man i wonder i i i really
genuinely curious uh because obviously the vast majority of our content really speaks to today's relationship, dating, marriage, whatever dynamic, as opposed to
someone that's maybe a little bit more senior. But either way, like you said, I felt really moved.
And, you know, for me personally, I just felt like all the hard work is worth it. So I wanted
to share that. Yeah, thank you for sharing.
And thank you to the Bears who wrote that in.
That was awesome.
I love that we can provide entertainment value to your life.
They should do a reaction show.
They should using their Baritone or VTubers
so they can remain anonymous.
Oh, perfect.
Because, yeah, the vast majority of the audience They could using their baritone or VTubers so they can remain anonymous. Oh, perfect. Yeah.
Because, yeah, the vast majority of the audience does not only choose to remain anonymous, not only in both in the writings, but also attendance.
They like to listen on recording.
So which is fine.
We absolutely embrace that.
I see and are committed to just the two of us on stage every night and going back and forth and leaving it for others.
Which reminds me, I got several, I want to say five DMs that for whatever reason, last week's episode didn't record, I see.
I don't know if you know.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Tragic because I thought.
Yeah.
I thought last week's was a really insightful conversation.
Yeah.
I know it.
Elon rugged or it was operator error on my part and
my stupidity, but I feel strongly I clicked the record button and we can see faults to record
anyway. So like, it sounds like an Elon problem. Yeah, indeed. So because apparently they were
really wanting to hear our advice. So maybe we rewind the clock one day and go back. If the
bearers are that committed to rewriting the questions, we're that committed to reviewing them again.
But without further ado, the first question of the night.
Boy, this one really is interesting.
The bearer writes us, I have always tried to be nice and kind to every woman I have dated, but it never works out.
to every woman I have dated, but it never works out. After it's over, my friends say that I am a
simp and that's my problem. Can a guy not be nice without being labeled? Icy, thoughts?
I think this is similar to one that we touched on last week, or at least it reminds me of last week's combo. Okay, so a few points from my point of view.
someone and it's like some parasocial thing and you're just giving them money or attention,
that, yeah, that's a simp. But like, if you have a girlfriend or a wife and you love and care for
them, like that's not being a simp, dude. Like you already have, that's being a partner. That's
being a good partner. There's lots of reasons that relationships can end. I mean, you know, I had a relationship in my youth where the guy I was with was super,
super nice.
We got along really well.
There was just other factors that like made me realize we weren't going to necessarily
be compatible.
But like him being nice was actually one of the like positives that I look back on that fondly. So it's like,
sometimes it's not that like, oh, you're too nice. It may just honestly be that like,
there was something incompatible with that partnership, which is okay. Like there's so
many different kinds of people. You just haven't found your person yet. But I don't think you should take the black pill and, you know, start treating women poorly because any woman who allows a man to treat her poorly.
If she can't love herself and have self-respect, how can she be expected to love and respect you is what I would say. So, yeah, those are my thoughts.
expected to love and respect you, is what I would say. So yeah, those are my thoughts.
Well, I think you're spot on here. The difference here is they need to be attracted to you at the
same time. That, I think, is a big miss here. Most of the time when men say to, one man says to another man, that's simpy behavior. It's because most men haven't had
both things, which are you being generous to a woman and also her loving you unconditionally
in return. So they only see the one side. They only see you giving to someone who isn't that into you potentially.
Now, it is absolutely okay, as you mentioned, to do things for a woman, someone that you care for,
when she is attracted to you. And if a woman is attracted to you, I mean, really loves you,
buy her all the flowers your ass can afford. She deserves it.
Now, the flip side is, again,
buying flowers for somebody that isn't attractive,
that's not into you.
Well, buying her flowers at that point,
yeah, of course, it's nonsense.
That's terrible advice.
I think the issue is
a woman's affection can be incredibly difficult to achieve for most men. It's not easy.
So as a result, when most men observe just the generosity, because they've never had that
affection, they just see simpy. So it's real easy for most men to take the approach of, you know, put that hoe in her place type attitude
and gets you labeled as a simp if you're not doing that. Now, this is a terrible injustice
and it's the breeding ground for contempt. So you just need to know when and with who to show your generosity, just execute discretion, but don't not be a
good partner or a generous partner is, is what I would add.
And anything else I see that you would, you would share here?
I honestly think, uh, you pointing out the, the part about, uh, the attraction thing.
I think that's a really good way to verbalize it. Um, so yeah, I think that's a really good way to verbalize it.
So yeah, I think that was a very good addition.
But overall, yes, I agree with you.
And I think we definitely echo overall sentiments here.
So hopefully that can provide this young Bera
with some clarity or some sort of answer.
Yeah, no, we don't ever want to see Barra's turn bitter or non-loving, or again,
have that attitude of, oh, you just need to, you know, be cruel and unloving and distrustful,
you know, she'll love you then. Yeah. And to your point, this did kind of go up against some things
we discussed last week around, you know, the bad boy attitude and, you know, things that kind of coincide with there. So refer to our last episode. Oh,
wait, it didn't record. But hopefully, hopefully this adds some insight. Now, this next one, Icy,
this was quite a long kind of description. So I'm going to paraphrase it the best I can in an interest to capture
it and not leave out critical details, but also in the interest of time.
Basically what happened here is this Barra had gone on four dates with the lovely young lady,
lovely young female Barra, and she had committed to planning the fifth date.
female bearer and she had committed to planning the fifth date on the day of the date she had
called him and said hey my mom is in the hospital i'm not able to make it you know i need to be with
my mom i don't know what's going on type thing of course she was like oh my god i'm so sorry
hope everything's okay you know do do you a couple days had gone by and he hadn't heard from her he
didn't want to intrude.
Obviously this is, they're still in the dating phase. It's quite early at this point.
And as a result, he sent flowers to her place. She had, she had a roommate. He sent flowers to
her place and she had called him that night and said, Hey, my roommate had got the flowers. She
said they're lovely and beautiful. And the roommate had taken a picture of them, gave them to the, gave them to her. And she had
sent them to him. Like, these are great. They're beautiful. I can't wait to enjoy them. But again,
I'm still at the hospital. I'm not sure, you know, how long this is going to be, you know,
I'll keep you informed or whatever. Well, about a week went by, she returns from the hospital and,
you know, mom is in recovery, you know, bad situation, whatever, but everything is good to go.
Well, come to find out a friend of his man, it's always a friend that finds out the things, right?
A friend of his discovered that she actually was at Coachella the entire time with a with a bunch of friends. Now, apparently there wasn't another
guy in the mix. There wasn't a cheating situation. It was just an all female type thing, but he
showed her, he showed the pictures of her there and everything, whatever he confronted her,
they fought about it. She admitted it. And he basically had, they had, she had forgiven her.
She just didn't, you know, want to say no to the date thing.
So I want to make up a story and this, that, and the other thing.
You say, you could just be honest with me, this, that, this.
Well, fast forward three years.
Now, three years later, they have been together this whole time.
Now, all of a sudden, she's stating that her cousin is in a car crash and she needs to go out of town to see what is happening with her cousin.
And he is having a hard time trusting it based on the Coachella deception of the past.
question to us is whether or not he should say something to her about whether or not he
she is questioning her on hey are you really going to your cousins given the history i see thoughts
damn this one is really juicy i was like i felt like I was listening to like a novella or something as you're reading
out this scenario.
I'm like sitting here like, like hand over mouth, like gasping.
Okay, so gosh, to this young Barra, first and foremost, I would say you must always respect yourself. And by that, I mean,
if you're dating someone and they lie to you about something like that,
that should have been it. That person has already demonstrated that they do not respect you enough,
to be honest, even if it may be an uncomfortable
truth and that to lie about a sick mother on like on top of it all like to lie period but especially
about a sick mother is insane behavior um I was definitely like the part where I gasped is when you said okay three years later they're
still together I was like no way um okay so to get to the present I totally understand
you know your uh kind of hesitance to believe them there There is a saying that I heard, and I think it really
applies and generally is true in life. Trust is a mirror. It can still work if it's been broken,
but you're always going to see that crack. So the thing that I, I mean, I don't know it's my advice would have been to just like get out of
that relationship and find someone who respects you but if that is not on the table then absolutely
yeah confront her because at the end of the day one of two things is going to happen here
if she's telling the truth if her cousin really is
sick but you like don't voice your concerns or opinions like it's gonna just grow a resentment
within you and then especially if on the flip side she it turns out she is lying like you deserve to
know that um i guess you could if you really wanted to go about it in a diplomatic way,
you could specifically request for her to turn on her location and send you updates.
You know, like, if she has, you know, to find my friends,
and she's not where her cousin is,'s gonna tip off immediately but then again i think
you should also just be open to being super upfront and direct and not rude about it but like
honest that she's broken your trust in the past and yes it may have been a while but
yeah it's a tough situation migs what do think? I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Well, once again, we have wandered into the lion's den. I see these situations are things
that while I'm not shocked, I am surprised. Now, there have been ones that I've been shocked over,
to be fair. But these are really, like I said, and I'm doing it injustice.
This was a grand novel of the bear outlying everything that really happened.
I'm paraphrasing.
I hope I'm doing him justice.
I think we captured what we needed to here.
Well, his question is, should he say something?
The answer is yes and no.
Now, what do I mean by that? About this particular situation, about the cousin, is she really or he or she really in a car crash? No, you should not bring that up.
per return, we need to have a conversation about the lack of trust that still exists within the
relationship. Now, this is something that needs to be worked on in order to make this bearer more
comfortable. I'm struggling. I'm on the fence. I'm not as ready to convict as you are with the,
hey, you lied about this. It's over. It's done. There's no coming back. I do absolutely believe
there's lines that can be crossed that, okay, this is a one and done. Is this a one and done?
It presses right up against it for me. It's right there. Like you said, it's a deception.
It's a deep deception it involved the the illness
of a family member on top of it like you're it everything about it if you're capable of doing
or saying that one could assume very easily you're capable of doing something similar in the future
or even worse you're not somebody that i i can get close to i do do understand, you know, reading, I mean, it's Coachella. She's probably very young.
You know, she's, she states that, you know, there was there, you know, we had such four great dates
and the fifth one and this came up and I didn't want to tell you, oh, hey, I know we're supposed
to go on a date, but I'd rather go out with my friends at Coachella. She's nervous, you know,
she's nervous of losing him. I can hear that i mean do you see that kind of i totally do
and actually it i think that like because i i actually forgot to say it i think the first time
around because i had so many thoughts but that just reminded me like in my opinion it would have
been very reasonable to say hey i know we have this date coming up i just got the opportunity
to full send coachella last second with my friends.
I know that this is really inconvenient, but I will make it up to you with a really great date once I'm back.
It's just, you know, Coachella happens once a year.
This opportunity came up.
I would really appreciate having this memory with my friends.
And like, yeah, that still would have been a bummer.
But like if I heard that from someone, I would have been like, Oh, no, yeah, okay, that's cool. Like,
we can literally just have our date next week, no problem. So like, I don't know why people choose
to lie when they really don't need to. It's what we've talked about on this podcast, or whatever
we want to call it several times. It's fear, fear of conflict. People will
do whatever they have to do in order to not have an uncomfortable conversation, not even conflict,
like, okay, we're, you know, we're going to blows here, right? This is going to, you know, man versus
man, you know, when we're like, we're this going to be, we're fighting to the death. We're not
talking about that kind of conflict. We're talking about just a simple, uncomfortable conversation.
People lack the ability on such a grand level to have open, honest dialogue and become productive
as a result. It's run and hide and shy away from it at all costs. So I assume that she suffered
from that. I can maybe give a little grace. I don't know. I'd have to feel it. I'd have to see
the energy. I'd have to be looking in her eyes. I'd have to really see it to know if this
was a one and done. But this bear, for whatever reason, felt it was enough to forgive. And now
here we are. When you forgive, you need to kind of forget. I love your mirror analogy.
I think that that's fantastic. So my advice here is no, don't say anything about the cousin,
trust. Number two, upon the return, say, listen, there's still some trust issues from that,
most likely from the systemic of the Coachella incident.
Maybe there's other incidents he hasn't outlined for us here.
Whatever.
I need us to work on this together.
I'm going to need your help in order for me to feel more comfortable.
And I don't know what that looks like.
Are you willing to explore this with me?
And if she is, well, then you know you got the right person. If she's not, well, then this might
have just be, have come to an end. I, I, I would like to also share, uh, again, I think your mirror
analogy I see once again is beautiful. When I heard this, it, it hearkened me back to a story
I had heard as a young cub. There's been many kind of iterations
of this throughout the years. Are you familiar with the hole in my fence story? I'm not.
So this had a massive effect on me. And again, there's been many iterations of it,
but the one, my favorite iteration, the one that I heard as a young cub was a father comes home to
find his son in his bedroom despondent and kind
of saddened. And he asked his son, Hey, what's going on, man? What happened here? And he's like,
Oh, you know, I was, I was in school today. And my friend, we were playing kickball. And,
you know, kind of one thing led to another. And it was a game winning goal. It didn't go in the goal,
but they lied and said that it did. And as a result, I lost the game and people kind of made
fun of me, you know, because I should have probably won the game, this, that, this. And, uh, you know,
while all that happened, you know, fast forward to the end of the day, my friend said, hey, man, you know, I'm sorry about lying about the goal and everything.
You know, it's no big deal. We can still be friends, whatever.
But obviously the son had suffered the repercussions of losing the game. Right.
He had to live with the embarrassment and the mockery and everything else.
But his friend ultimately did say he was sorry. So he's like, but I'm just frustrated, Dad.
I'm kind of sad about the whole thing.
And he's like, in that moment, he knew that there was a lesson to teach his son.
So he's like, hey, man, come with me out to the garage.
They go out to the garage together.
And he's like, fill up that pail with a bunch of nails, that bucket.
He's like, cool.
Fills it up.
He's like, grab that hammer.
Grab it.
They walk out back.
They have a beautiful white picket fence that surrounds the property. He's like, listen, this is what I want you to do.
He's like, every time you feel frustrated or upset or something happens where you're just, you know, having to get it out type thing,
I want you to take a nail and I want you to hammer it in the fence.
And he's like, oh, OK. He's okay he's like so you know just make sure you
anytime that you're feeling like this go ahead and hammer the hammer away he's like all right
two weeks later comes up to his son he's like hey man you know how how are things like oh dad you
know i really got to tell you you know i uh i feel a lot better you know the the nails and the
fence thing he's like well come up back show me he looks and yeah, there's dozens of nails that are hit in the fence. He's like, so you feel better. He's like, yeah.
He's like, all right. So I want you to do every time you feel better. I want you to pull the nail
out of the fence, right? Don't leave it in. So when you're feeling frustrated, you pound it,
but when you feel better, you pull it out. Son looks at him. He's like, oh, okay. I can do that.
When you feel better, you pull it out.
Son looks at him.
He's like, oh, okay, I can do that.
Cool.
So dad waits about a month.
Goes to his son.
He's like, hey, son, you know, come out back with me.
I want to show you something.
He's like, all right.
They go out back.
He's like, what's up, dad?
He's like, how do you feel?
He's like, I feel good.
I feel okay.
He's like, all right.
He's like, take a look at the fence.
Looks at the fence.
The fence is absolutely torn to shit.
Holes all through it, up and down. A couple
nails still remain, but it's completely destroyed. And he's like, what do you think of the fence?
And he's like, well, yeah, you know, there's a lot of holes in it, but you know, you told me,
you know, when I'm frustrated, you know, so I did when I, you know, feel better to take it out. So,
you know, I'm just doing what I'm told and I feel great. And he's like, son, this is what I want you
to remember. He's like, the fence, those are people. The nails are when you're angry and
you're frustrated. You say things you don't mean, you lie, you do things that are bad for the other people you put a nail into their fence and
when you say you're sorry for said action you remove the nail but the hole still remains
so what you should always be focused on is don't put holes in other people's fences.
And that always stuck with me.
And I think that's what this is, is again, the lasting effect
of the impact of a deception has caused.
He had a hole put in his fence.
So for me, the lesson I think in this
is don't put holes in people's fences.
Icy, thoughts?
That was a really interesting story.
Hearing it come full circle felt like an Aesop fable.
But yeah, no, I totally agree that when you're upset, you can say and do things that you maybe not like necessarily mean or even if you do you know
isn't productive and uh once you put a word or an action out there you can't take it back
so a very good uh cautionary tale maybe is the right term for you know remembering why it's important to exercise patience and uh you know keeping a
level head but with the yeah with the like situation that we were talking about prior
at large as well i think that is also a good reason why again crazy, direct and honest communication is what's needed here.
It's almost like it's a recurring theme.
Honesty?
Imagine how crazy I see this.
The solution to everything is just honest conversation, right?
We've heard that narrative, I think, every week.
Just different forms.
Unbelievable.
And this next one, it is a short but sweet question.
And it has a lot of, it could go a lot of ways.
This is what the bearer writes.
I've been trying to find a partner for about a year.
Been on many dates and just can't seem to find the right bearer.
dates and just can't seem to find the right bearer. I love what they did. I love what they did there.
I love what they did.
I love what they did there.
I've been, I've been only on dating apps and I am wondering if you guys think if this gives me the
best chance of finding someone. I see. Thoughts? Interesting. Um,
Interesting. I mean, okay, like, theoretically, dating apps do give you a very large pool of people, much more so than like, you know, you're typically going to get through natural, organic IRL experiences.
natural, organic IRL experiences.
But are the quality of those people going to be the same?
And that is because, one, a lot of people treat dating apps like a game or a joke
where it's like, you know, they're just scrolling for the entertainment value.
If you do end up matching with someone, are they really that interested to respond?
If they are and you do hit it off and you have great conversation, you make it to the date portion.
Are you going to meet them IRL and have a natural organic attraction in chemistry?
Because that is impossible to determine online, I think.
Like, unless you have some sort of a human-to-human kind of interaction,
even it could be as much as, like, a phone call,
but just relying on text and photos,
you can never get an accurate vibe read
of how you and someone are going to mesh IRL. So I would say like, you know, if you would like to
keep kind of an eye out and use the apps and you think that that might help you source someone,
use the apps and you think that that might help you source someone, you could still use it. But
I would suggest like finding things that you like to do IRL and trying to meet people organically
that way. Whether, you know, that's like some sort of an exercise class, pottery, dance classes,
church, volunteer services, like it could be so many things, just find things that
you like to do. And then you will then end up meeting people there who also have that shared
interest. And you can, you know, kind of go from there. That would be my advice. What do you think makes? I've I I had I struggled with this one in terms of not putting my personal bias in.
I always want to try to make sure I look at the data and I come at it objectively and, of course, offer my personal insights, but not a bias.
You know what I mean? Like not have a personal bias. I have never used a dating app in my life.
I've never downloaded one. I've never used one. I'm not familiar with it in any way. So I don't want to disparage it because I have zero experience with it. the thought of meeting somebody through that vehicle with the intention of it turning into
a relationship. I have zero problem with meeting people online, but I don't do it within my mind
thinking this could potentially be a romantic situation. Like never, ever, zero, ever, zero, never once. Like just, it's all about energy.
It's all about vibes.
And, you know, I mean, you know, you're, and again, I love the places you listed.
I see very wholesome places.
And again, coming out of home places, shared interest.
For me, I'm going to the club.
I mean, now again, listen, I'm in Vegas.
So it's a little bit different for me.
I guess I have a very target rich environment. You know, I'm going to the bar, I'm going to in Vegas, so it's a little bit different for me, I guess. I have a very target-rich environment.
You know, I'm going to the bar, I'm going to the club, hanging out, having a few beers,
seeing what's what, and putting myself in a situation where I have an opportunity to
have a conversation with the lovely young bearer that may or may not walk in.
And if it doesn't happen at the bar, it's certainly going to happen at the club.
And you go into the club, and you take a look around, and you have some drinks, and
you dance, and you meet people people and you have organic conversations. And if those conversations generate energy and
a vibe, you pursue that. And it's fucking awesome. You know what I mean? Like that's what it's
supposed to be. And of course, you know, obviously alcohol and, and, and extracurriculars assist with these things sometimes. But when in Rome, when in Rome?
So in my opinion, this is an extremely unhealthy way to meet somebody from a romantic perspective.
Now, but again, let's look at the data. Data is important. I know I've referenced before,
I see in our very first show, I think,
or maybe again, I forget about some of the day that came out about women specifically under 30,
childless, et cetera. Well, Morgan Stanley did a study and they do these studies because they want
to determine what they're going to invest in, in the coming year. So they do a whole prospectus on
all these different verticals of, hey,
where are we going to invest our money? And this study was conclusive. And it said that by the year
2030, so five years from now, women between the ages of 25 and 45, which, okay, why do they target
them? Because that's their biggest demographic for spenders. Men, women, age groups, the group of people that spend the most amount of money on anything,
whether it's an investment or a house, a car, a toy, whatever the hell you want to say.
Women aged 25 to 45 spend the most amount of money, and it's not close.
So they studied them, and they had found that women between the ages of 25 to 45 spend the most amount of money, and it's not close. So they studied them, and they had found that women between the ages of 25 and 45 are more than 50%, as we talked about before, is a different number, will be single and childless by the year 2030, for the first time ever.
As a result, they've invested in three things.
Cat food, dog food, and ice cream.
Unbelievably scary and sad.
And that really stuck with me because it's just so goddamn depressing.
So this study, if online dating has facilitated the ease of dating and making things less seamless, right? Very easy, very safe.
All the things they advertise
about the advantages of online dating.
If this has accomplished that,
then how are we ending up with this as the outcome?
More single women, childless,
than ever in recorded human history, when allegedly we've made it easier
than ever for people to get together so i think the data here really speaks to that not being
successful icy thoughts yeah um the the statistics that's that's crazy, dude.
Well, I think there's so many factors that kind of play into that.
Kind of what I had referenced earlier about do they take dating apps as a game is there's this like, I think I've actually mentioned this in previous spaces, so forgive me if this is repetitive. But I believe that there is like this phenomenon happening with just the ultra dopamine feeding machine that is constant connection via social media.
And other sorts of media that, you know, kind of create this.
I forget the term for it, but it's like when you compare what your neighbor has to you,
there's like a particular term and it's keeping up with the Joneses. Exactly that. So it has
created that phenomenon for sure. And so like, I feel like what's happening on dating apps is like,
people are constantly thinking like, Oh, well, who's next? I could get better. I could get better.
I could get better. So even if like people match, you know, I've heard like people talk about this, um, online, how, you know, they'll match with someone, they'll start talking,
but then like, it just, it's a dead end. And it's kind of this like infinite loop of,
you know, feeding that instant gratification dopamine. Um, which is just another reason I think that supports both of our overall endorsement
of going outside to meet people.
Well, I think you nailed it here.
And this is important.
This is an important thing.
This is not trivial.
This is not something that should be understated because while this bearer's situation may
be unique to him, this is a larger issue and it needs to really be vetted in my mind because this has all sorts of very serious ramifications that we've gotten into on other spaces. This is not Miggs's opinion. The number one health predictor, number one health predictor studied by science is how
many close connections you have in your life.
It's more important than quitting smoking.
It's more important than quitting drinking.
It's more important than going to the gym.
It's the relationships you have, the better they are, the better health outcomes.
Studies even show that dementia settles in later in life.
It also lowers Alzheimer's in both men and women.
But yet those same men and women are retreating from relationships.
And they're finding ways to justify this. And what you said is the number
one thing for men, the black pill, right? Black pill for guys, right? Which for bears that don't
know, it's if you've been black billed, it's basically this, I don't want theory, that physical
appearance controlled by genetics is the only thing that dictates a man's romantic success.
So those men that are deemed unattractive are basically doomed with no hope of ever
improving their prospects, no matter how much self-help or self-improvement they do,
they're going to fail.
And it ducktales into blaming women for the romantic failures.
Like, oh, you know,, preconceived notions about attractiveness
and we're not good enough and pop, pop, pop, right?
It sucks, right?
Just, we got to retreat, right?
Black-built.
And again, you see that manifest in women
through the boss bitch culture, right?
You don't need no man.
You don't want to depend on anybody.
You need to be dependent, right?
You need to supply for yourself.
You know, you don't need any of those things.
Focus on, you know, your money and don't be wrapped up in this family stuff.
Bow down to no one type thing.
So, you know, you see these justifications of this just terrible, terrible, unhealthy, toxic thing that I think we're headed toward, which is extreme loneliness.
thing that I think we're headed toward, which is extreme loneliness.
I actually would like to point out also for as another reason to avoid taking the black
pill for men.
I'm telling you, that's why I made that con about like real life vibes are more important
than a photo online, because there are guys that photograph
very, very well and they're very handsome, but then you meet them and they have just a terrible
personality or they're not funny or charming at all and can ruin attraction. Vice versa,
there are guys that don't photograph well. If you'd never seen them IRL, you might think like, oh, not attracted.
But because they're so charismatic and funny and have just a really infectious personality,
that can make them more attractive, at least to women. And I speak on behalf of women here.
women and I speak on behalf of women here. So if you're a Barra who, you know, maybe you weren't,
you know, necessarily blessed in the hand of physical genetics.
Dude, if you have like Riz and you have charisma and you can make a girl laugh,
like I'm telling you, you totally have a shot. So just remember that.
I love that, Icy, and words of encouragement.
Now, from a man's point of view, I think this comes down again to how do you have a successful encounter?
Now, we're going to go off of science and data.
And again, it's backed up by what I see just said and confirming it as real.
The data shows this, we're going to impart knowledge again on young male bears of how to,
because again, we have vibes and like you said, charisma and energy and some bears are like,
I just don't have that. And how do I, like, how do I go? What class do I go to, to take a charisma
class? Right? Like I can see how it's easy for them to get lost in not knowing where to begin.
So let's very simply break it down.
How to have a successful encounter from a man to a woman.
The science shows it boils down to one thing and one thing only because the woman doesn't know the man.
She has no idea. Can I trust him? Is he safe? You know, does can he provide for me?
Is somebody going to run? All these are mysteries. There's one thing and one thing that's more important than anything else on an initial encounter. Status.
bigger, that sort of, no, no, absolutely not. Do not confuse that word with the negativity and all
that bullshit and all those stereotypes come along with it. Status is number one. Now, how do you get
status? Two ways. First one is credibility. Do you have proof that you are a credible person?
Now, this is the easier of the two to get credibility. You can
share your degree. You can share your accomplishments. You know, confirm this is where I
work. You know, if you're from a financial perspective, sure you can share your pay stub.
But especially in today's world, younger men, if you're a trader or an entrepreneur,
a woman often hear that and be like, this guy is, has no job, right? This is a real risk to me, right? Like, like this is not something that I'm really, I mean,
I've heard that everyone's an entrepreneur when you're 22, it means you're unemployed,
right? And, and most of the time the woman is right in assuming that, but if you have
credibility, well, yeah, I'm an entrepreneur and I just sold my company last year for $5 million.
Now you have credibility. I just bought my, I'm a trader
and I just bought my third rental property last year from all my profits. Again, proof you are
credible in what you do. That's number one, credibility. That's how you get status. The
second thing is influence. Those are the two things you need.
You need credibility and influence.
Influence is tough.
And people think, well, it's easy to get.
Doesn't having money give influence?
Of course it does.
Doesn't it give status by having a bunch of money?
Of course.
influence that we're talking about. It's not enough when your pursuit is a healthy relationship.
But this is not the influence that we're talking about. It's not enough when your pursuit is a healthy relationship.
If you only have that, a person or a potential mate, they'll only respect the money, not how
you got it. This leads to a lack of respect and apathy. So again, we're shooting for genuine
status here through influence. How to gain genuine influence is if I tell you to do something, you follow my specific instructions and good things happen for you, you're likely to do it again.
Now, as an example, like Martha Stewart, right?
She was the very first self-made billionaire. Now there's a
lot of reasons for that, but a primary one was she literally gave people recipes and they followed
the directions and good things happened for them. Oh, this cake is amazing. Uh, I see this is the
best lasagna I've ever had, etc. So really good things happened.
They were revered by their friends, by their family,
after following very specific directions.
So when she followed, when she said,
hey, follow my next direction.
It's to buy this thing.
They did.
Because the last 10 times they followed her
directions, it worked. This gave her influence. So you offer help. You offer guidance. You offer
advice. You do this in good faith. You do it in good conscience. When you do that, people will line up to play with you. Now it sounds easy,
but quite frankly, it's incredibly difficult because the temptation to take advantage of
people is always present. So you need to be careful here, but all you need to remember
is listen to the angel on your shoulder, not the devil on the other one.
You follow this and it'll work out.
Icy thoughts.
I think that that's a pretty good way of,
describing how to have that social pull.
I didn't know that Martha Stewart was the first self they made billionaire also uh but
female female billionaire yeah but honestly makes sense she's kind of an icon uh i think the point
that you made about like uh growing influence can totally be applied in a lot of areas, honestly, not just, you know, romantic relationships.
Yeah, nothing to really add other than very interesting. And I think that's a good addition
to what we've provided for this young Barra.
Indeed. Again, it's important to add the recipe. Obviously our thoughts and emotions
and general guidance is awesome. But for those of you that want to follow an actual plan,
status is number one. You get the vehicle to get there's credibility and influence.
You now have the tools. There's no excuse. No more black pill bullshit, guys. Get it together.
And that doesn't mean don't hit the gym either. Hit the goddamn gym too. guys. Get it together. And that doesn't mean don't hit the gym either.
Hit the goddamn gym too, okay?
Get it together.
So this last one I see, whew, interesting.
Very similar to some of the stuff we've already heard though.
The Vera writes, I have been dating for a while, about four months, and I have noticed that so many people I have been meeting seem so unhappy.
I think I am a positive person and I want to be with a positive person, but the men I've been meeting seem miserable and it's a turn off.
Men I've been meeting seem miserable and it's a turnoff.
Have I just had bad luck or are men just toxic right now?
I see.
Thoughts?
Huh.
Well, it's hard for me to say because like I don't.
Like I'm not like dating.
I don't really talk to a lot of guys.
I mean, I'm, you know, I talk to our fellow bears online and such,
but IRL, not a whole lot of, you know, mingling in that regard.
So I don't know if maybe there is some sort of a cultural phenomenon happening.
I think that overall, I can understand why that may be a possibility considering, you know, socioeconomic factors. It's really hard to be a self-sufficient young adult that thrives, you know, financially in today's climate.
And, you know, maybe that's kind of bleeding over into other things.
And there are a lot of guys out there that, you know, as we've mentioned, like have taken that sort of black pill.
So maybe that's also a contributing factor.
But tough for me to say, you know, anything with true conviction, because like I said, I just don't have enough of personal experience or data to really go off of with that?
Well, have no fear because I have the data. So in my personal life, I'm a very social person
due to my job. A lot of in-person meetings are required, entertaining clients.
The list goes on and on.
I have a background in this meta.
So I'm in a very unique position to share what it is really like out there from a man's perspective.
And I am a man.
And again, to your point, I'm not actively dating, but I can speak.
Are men toxic right now?
Now, that's a very tricky word.
That's a very tricky word. That's a very tricky word.
I would prefer happy, right?
Because they said they seem so unhappy.
Are they happy?
And I think, are people happy in general?
Now, I'm going to throw out another statistic here that for me is going to, it horrified
me again, just shocking and depressing beyond words.
just shocking and depressing beyond words, come to find out in 2024, the suicide rate
globally has never been higher, especially in men. Study had concluded that 22 out of every
100,000 men, so about 1 in 4,500 men kill themselves. One in only 45 men, 4,500 men are committing suicide right now today as we sit here compared to one in 17,000 women.
So almost four times more.
That's how much higher the man suicide rate is.
higher the man's suicide rate is. And when they looked at this and they tried to understand why,
it was really quite amazing because the suicide rate in the men was unbelievably high in men
that are over 65. But the women's suicide rate was the exact opposite. It was women under the
age of 15. Now there's all these different areas of why that could be. I think
on the surface, we probably understand why. But what they had found in both aspects is not only
the majority, but the vast majority of the women, again, that granted you're 15, this makes sense,
they didn't have a partner. But the men over 65 did not have a partner. It was in the high 80s, low 90s. The people that are killing themselves, they're alone.
So this points to loneliness being a primary factor.
So are the men happy?
No, I don't believe that they are.
Is that manifesting itself through negative interactions or them seeing miserable?
I can see how maybe they're not doing a good enough job of, you know, Hey, listen, I need to put the mask on and go out tonight. I'm
not going to be this, you know, miserable miser. I'm just, you know, so low in myself right now.
I mean, I need to, you know, I mean, like I can see how, and again, you got to remember
women are better at detection than men. That's why they say women's intuition. It's a real thing.
And it's, and it's genetics. This is science again talking. And it's because women had to be better at
detecting predators biologically through nature. So this is a real thing. And that's why women have
a higher sense of smell than men. So all these things are genetically adapted for a woman to be able to
detect, hey, there's a threat here, right? It's a liar or something's off, right? A lot of times
you'll hear a woman say, hey, I don't, something's off. I don't know what, but it ain't, it doesn't
feel right, right? So they're not able to say, oh yeah, without question, hey, this person is a liar
or this person is a this or this person. They don't know, but they do know something directionally
is wrong because that's what they do. So this Vera obviously is picking up on that, right? Her woman's intuition is kicking in like,
hey, something's off and she's right. Probably it's just, but is it dangerous? Perhaps. I don't
think so. I think it's probably more unhappiness manifesting itself through unhappiness.
This really brings me back to, uh, again, a study, uh, before I get into it, though, I said I'm anxious for your
thoughts on what I shared, those stats, and just if you think I'm, if I've hit the mark here,
or do you think I'm missing it? No, I think one thing about MIGS, he's always going to show up
with data, and we'd love to see it. I think that, like, the fact that you did point out that the underlying kind of similarity between the demographics was boiled down to loneliness, because that really just further reinforces the points made earlier about, you know, how important it is to have those personal connections with people.
to have those personal connections with people.
But yeah, overall, I think you are, you know, I mean, I agree with your like overall,
sorry, I'm brain farting again, analysis, given the circumstances and data.
So again, when we talk about the loneliness and the data, I'm going to hammer it home with this because this is another thing that has stuck with me as a young cub.
Actually, I was more of an adolescent cub when I heard this.
It was an incredibly cruel study, I would say cruel and just unacceptable study back in the 50s.
just unacceptable study back in the 50s. Now, back then, of course, I'm sure we all heard of
how the government and how everyone kind of got down in the 50s in terms of performing studies.
There was no shortage of no limits and no holes barred studies that were done. So
they wanted to study human behavior at its core, at its nature, specifically, again, men and women.
human behavior at its core, at its nature, specifically, again, men and women. So what
they did is there were some tribes in these isolated islands. Now, they had made contact
with these tribes and had done some trading with them leading up to this point. And during one of
those escapades, of course, they had brought some diseases over and it kind of ravaged the village.
They had eventually given them some antibiotics and such and it healed up.
But it was something that they were always kind of mindful of.
Now, of course, the villagers didn't know that it was a result of them bringing, you know, man's diseases to the island.
They thought it was just some curse from the gods and this, that and the other thing.
But obviously they treated them so they knew. So every time they came back, they of course
welcomed them with open arms. And again, they had saved many people from the sickness with the
antibiotics. So they trusted them. So they decided to perform a little experiment on the villagers.
So what they did is they had told the men and the women of the village that there was another disease that
was ravaged, that has about to ravage the village.
And they decided that it would be best to do it to the men at first, because there was
already existing infrastructure on the island, meaning there was huts, you know, where they'd
live, you know, infrastructure.
So they had told the men, hey, listen, the women are infected, only the women.
So we need to take you to an adjoining island just for a while until we can treat them.
We can't risk you guys getting it.
So we have to take you to the island and keep you safe there.
And they needed to make it far enough away where they couldn't just, you know, make some rafts and go over.
Right. They needed to make it far enough away where they couldn't just, you know, make some rafts and go over, right? They needed to be a decent ways away. And then they told the women
the same thing and said, hey, the men are infected and we need to take them, right, to get them
treatment and to heal them like we did before. But this is more serious. We need to take them away,
but they're going to come back. It's going to be great, right? So they're like, oh shit. Okay,
we get it. Everything's going to be great. So they take the men to the adjoining island. Now
what the purpose of the study was to see how the men would do without the women and how the women
would do without the men. And it was going to go on for as long as they felt it was necessary.
Well, after about three months, the study had to come to a conclusion.
It had to end.
Any guesses on why the study had to end, I see?
Would it be perhaps that the data they had gotten so far was kind of like staying?
kind of like staying uh like uh like not sorry i'm brain farting tonight so bad
it is getting late i'm not gonna lie i had to drink a coffee before this because i got up
again like really early this morning and then when the evening came around i was like oh boy
yeah last time i know you took a long winter's nap but this time yeah this time it was just that i've been up all day
but i hear what i hear where you're going i pick up what you're going down
the way we're saying is um so no the reason the day the reason that it had to come to an end
is because after right around two and a half months, the men started killing each other.
And then shortly after that, within the next couple of weeks, they started killing themselves.
So they had to stop the experiment when they went to see what happened with the women.
The women didn't kill each
other, nor did they kill themselves. But the island was in complete disarray. Nothing was working.
They were despondent. They were depressed. They had no motivation. They didn't bathe.
They didn't take care of themselves in any way. And ultimately, what the study had concluded is when women are without men, they get depressed.
But when men are without women, they get violent.
And that speaks, I think, to both of our natures.
And ultimately, what they concluded was, and what I stand by and I believe firmly with my whole being, is we really do need each other.
At our core, despite all of our faults, and despite all the things that we do to each other that are mean and cruel and deceitful and wrong and all the
bullshit. I'm not denying that. We strip all that away and we get down to the real stuff of, okay,
the best in me serving the best in you, we really truly do need each other. And that study
really truly do need each other and that study really encapsulates how much icl pause for your
wow that the results of the study were not what i was expecting but also that totally does make
sense and i am a firm believer that men and women do need each other and I think uh where we've really gone astray as an overall society um
is like an extreme overcorrection to misogyny which just ends up being misandry
um there are things about men and women that make them uniquely wonderful and they like we do come
together you know that's why uh I guess for those who aren't
religious or maybe not religious in the same ways as me this is not gonna hit but for me it's like
that's why God created man and woman to complement each other and complete the bigger picture so
yeah that's a very very interesting study um shout out to, or no, not shout out, sorry, RIP to the men that were caught in the crossfires of that study. But yeah.
unbelievably cruel and menacing, but a lesson that I guess we probably already knew we didn't
need to go that far. But again, I I'll give grace and say they didn't think that the men would start
killing each other and kill themselves. It probably wasn't on the docket of possibilities,
but interesting stuff. So with that, we will close out another episode of Berra's After Dark. I see again, these continue to be
in my opinion, really
really robust conversations.
You know, kind of some next
level discussion.
I hope that it
resonates with you as it does with me.
Absolutely. I
really, you know, appreciate
the riptops
that we have each week.
Hopefully this week's is properly recorded so that all of our bearers at home can listen back at their leisure.
Thank you to everyone again who sent in questions and scenarios for us to, you know, ponder the orb on.
Hopefully, you know, you have found something helpful if you
are one of those people that wrote in. And I mean, hopefully, even if you haven't written in before,
you still find something helpful about these spaces, whether that be entertainment, wisdom,
or, you know, anything. So yeah, thank you everyone for tuning in and thank you Migs for again coming in with a bunch of questions and data to back up the convo.
Yeah. You know, I'm going to bring those, those numbers, you know,
you can count on me. So yep. With that, we'll close out again.
I see it said, thank you again for coming out everyone.
And thank you for the bears that listen listen on recording. And a special shout out to our couple bearer that listen and ponder and guess our reactions.
Hopefully, you'll have gotten us 100% right.
We will see you guys again next week.
Until then, we'll see you in the trenches.
Take care, guys guys and see you soon
