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Beras After Dark: Episode 6
Recorded: Sept. 17, 2025 Duration: 1:02:51Space Recording
Short Summary
In a lively discussion, participants explored the evolving trends in dating culture, including the use of AI in relationship visualization, the importance of communication in confirming plans, and the implications of unexpected behaviors during dates. The conversation also touched on the complexities of trust and boundaries in modern relationships, particularly in the context of digital interactions.
Full Transcription
Thank you. Thank you. bnbn i see can you hear me bnbn i can hear you can you hear me loud and clear have you
have you got your coffee uh you know i have a today a cherry coke zero i did have coffee earlier
of course but you know i was like let let me get myself a little sweet treat.
I didn't even end up taking a nap today.
It's been a very productive day, so I'm ready to go after dark.
Wow.
No nap and no coffee, but a Cherry Pepsi.
Cherry Coke Zero.
Oh, my fun.
Yeah.
There's a huge difference a huge difference there is i mean i i was just
talking about that scene from little nicky where the dog is like trying to teach him how to be evil
and he's like yeah change that can of coke into something diabolical and then the guy comes in
to drink it and he's like this tastes like peps. So there is a very big difference. Yeah, there is indeed. There is indeed. You know, earlier today, uh, as I, again, we're both always
pulled in 10,000 different directions, both in, uh, IRL and also, uh, online. I, I had, uh,
got a notification that you were, I think in another space, uh, the title of which I, I think, in another space, the title of which I remember it being a little different.
I don't think it was Barycentric.
And I was curious to ask you, you're in so many spaces.
I haven't heard two Bary's, one Sproto in a while.
When you're in those other ones, I see both inside the Bary Eco and outside,
is that just kind of you doing your thing
or are you contractually obligated for some of those? I was curious. Oh yeah, no, that's just
me doing my thing. Uh, usually if I'm not in like a bear centric space, it's in, uh, like a mog or
remilio adjacent community. Uh, so they can definitely get a little outlandish, you could say, but you know, we have fun with
them.
Yeah.
I wasn't sure.
I thought, oh my gosh, how many spaces are you contractually obligated to during the
week?
And then we have our, our Tuesday night therapy session, as I would like to call.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, this one is definitely the one
that's the most not outlandish. Well, sometimes the scenarios that we talk about can be pretty
outlandish, though. Well, it's funny you say that, because I, as we start to get into these questions, I feel that this week's agenda is the most outlandish that we have seen to date.
I don't want to say by far, but I was surprised.
So again, maybe I'm anxious for your feedback.
I'm anxious as we get through it to see what your thoughts are overall at the conclusion of the show.
But I can tell you, we have our work cut out for us today, which is why I had said, as you and I boil the ocean here this evening.
So let's jump in, shall we?
Are you ready for the first question?
I'm ready.
Okay.
So the scenario is, the bearer writes, I met someone online and was talking to them for about a month,
and I went out on a date with him.
We ordered appetizers and everything was going well.
Before the meal came, I went to the bathroom,
and when I came back, there was a book on the table.
I was confused and asked him if the waiter had brought that,
and he said no, he brought it. He opened it and showed me what was inside.
It was AI photographs of us together, hundreds of them, page after page.
together, hundreds of them, page after page. As he kept going through it, the book got worse,
eventually showing what our dogs would look like and what our kids would look like.
I excused myself from the table and I left out the back door of the restaurant.
And I left out the back door of the restaurant.
When I told my friend, she had said that I shouldn't just have left him there like that.
But I was scared.
Did I overreact?
I see.
Really excited for your thoughts here.
That was my initial reaction. Uh, that's like, that's, that's unhinged.
Like what? Um, okay. Well, I totally understand why you would dip out. Um, I'm. I would like to give this individual the benefit of the doubt,
where if you told them, hey, appreciate all the time that you've put into, you know,
curating our AI life, but I don't see this going any further, and they would react reasonably. But on the flip side of that, I also feel like bringing a scrapbook
full of AI memories of the future is already not very reasonable for a first date.
So that one's pretty insane. I can't say I've heard that before.
So, yeah, I don't know.
Like, I don't, I don't know what I would have done.
I might've just dipped out as well.
And then like sent him a text from the safety of my vehicle.
Like, Hey, sorry.
And then blocked and left.
I don't know.
What would you have done?
This is crazy.
I would have sent the text and then blocked it's the list of
the list goes on i i was i was just i was really puzzled by this at first because i i came at it
from a man's perspective in not giving the book which is what I think I need to do in order to address this
but if receiving the book. So I imagined if I was on a date with a lovely young Vera
and she were to come with a book full of AI images of potentially, hey, this is what this
could look like and kind of made it into a fun little futuristic, you know, showing me, you know,
showcasing her AI art. And, you know, I am an AI artist by trade.
I enjoy that stuff. I'm not professional or anything, but, you know, I like monkeying with
it. So I was like, how would I feel about that? And I'm like, OK, well, that's a little odd. But
seeing how, again, I like AI art and I've played with it and I've made some stuff,
it didn't really bother me, right, per se. But then I was
like, well, hold on a minute, though. Like, it is weird. And then I was like, let me flip it and put
it in the perspective of as the giver. And immediately I felt, well, this is all sorts of
fucked up. Right. I was like, this is not appropriate.
I immediately felt that as the giver.
And I thought, well, why is my reaction so different as the giver than the receiver?
And I thought, and again, this might be a man-woman thing.
Like, again, she very clearly said, I was scared.
And when you said, I'm leaving out the back door, like, and block, like, it wasn't just
like, hey, I'm going to finish out the date and just, you know, not for me, whatever.
You, you, you again, kind of articulated and, and forgive me if I'm, if I'm misinterpreting,
but you're leaving immediately and you're not letting him know.
I'm assuming it's because you're, you're afraid much like she was.
Is that, is that fair?
I, you know, I, I don't, like, me personally, if I would have necessarily...
I think it depends on, like, what the AI pictures were.
Because, like, I can kind of see where you're coming from.
you're coming from where, you know, like, depending on how you approach this, it could
be a, like, sort of funny tongue-in-cheek thing, but yeah, it also just is giving
weirdly obsessive, like, off-rip. I don't know, it's just one of those things where it's like,
if we had been dating for a while and, like I it was prior knowledge that they like to mess around with AI maybe that context would have been different but like for me just like first date bringing a scrapbook of that especially like once you start throwing in like here's the kids like I don't know like I might I might be a little scared of like, is this like a you kind of situation, you know?
Yeah, no, I again, totally get it.
I could see how from a female perspective, fear would probably come more from a male.
I'm like, OK, you know, maybe this this bear is crazy, you know, but I mean, what is she going to do? Like, well, there's another story later about something that happened that maybe I should I should not underestimate what's going to happen in a public place.
But I just my immediate thought was, OK, it's a little awkward, but not crazy.
But then as I started to think more about it and especially after hearing your initial reaction uh this is inappropriate and it has
crossed into inappropriate to potential danger it has all sorts of red flags did you overreact for
the bearer that that just leaving him hanging out the back door you know this guy's a predator you
know at any moment he's liable to come at me with some piano wire and you know strangle me um i don't
know that i can say that but in's age, probably better to err on the
side of caution. My only hope here is that she did at least text him after and let him know that,
hey, this is what it was. This was weird to me. And again, you know, maybe give him a little
coaching on what is and isn't appropriate. That would be the only thing.
I hope that she did that.
I don't know that she did,
but I'm going to say no on the overreaction.
Icy,
what's your final verdict here?
Yeah,
I second the like hope that she at least like texted him after the fact,
because otherwise like it,
it could be a little,
could be a little mean to just like literally leave someone
hanging like that like a real life ghost situation um I think the courteous thing would be to at
least like let them know if you did decide to dip early again even if that is a text message from
the safety of your vehicle as you're as you're preparing to leave the premises.
But yeah, I don't think it was a huge overreaction.
And again, we want to give people the benefit of the doubt that if you just straight up tell them,
like, hey, this isn't really my thing,
I don't think I see this going any further,
that they would respond reasonably but yeah in this day and age like you you never really know i don't yeah so yeah that would be my
final verdict is uh hopefully you texted him that you decided to dip and then you know if you want
to go ahead and proceed to block from there that's uh very understandable, but yeah, girl, I don't know.
That one's a weird one.
It is indeed.
And speaking of telling
people
what they did or didn't do wrong, a perfect
segue into our
next question.
This one,
I'm really interested again in your feedback,
I see. So, The Bearer writes, I matched with this girl on Hinge.
And after a couple of weeks, we set a date two weeks out for a restaurant.
We were texting back and forth every day up until the day of the date, which was at 8 p.m.
I worked all day and texted her at 5 p.m. asking her if she was still good for 8.
I worked all day and texted her at 5 p.m. asking her if she was still good for 8.
She told me that I had never confirmed with her that I actually made the reservations.
And since I didn't text her at all that day, she thought we weren't going.
I told her that everything was good to go and that I was looking forward to our date.
She told me that not confirming with her day of was
a turnoff and that I violated a boundary of hers and that she was not coming. I think this is
ridiculous, but was told by my sister it's very reasonable. What do you guys think?
I see.
All right.
Wow.
This one is a,
wow,
we've got some interesting ones today.
Okay.
So from a female perspective,
if we have a date set in advance,
especially if you have set the precedent of texting throughout every day.
I would be a little miffed if the day of, like, I didn't hear from you leading up to that evening.
But me personally, like, if I had been talking with someone and they had been consistent otherwise,
I would give them the benefit of the doubt of, like,, this surely like this is going to happen. I think this Bera could have texted her,
you know, early in the day to just say, hey, you know, I'm really busy with work today.
You know, can't wait to see you tonight. Takes 15 seconds to type that out and send it.
takes 15 seconds to type that out and send it. But on the other hand,
I get saying that it's a turnoff to not receive a confirmation text, but to cross a boundary
is getting a little bit into overreaction territory, in my opinion and uh I think in the long run if you not texting that
you have confirmed a reservation for a date is crossing a boundary to the effect that they are
it sounds like they no longer wanted to go on the date with you at all. Bro, bro, it sounds like you kind of saved yourself in the long run.
So that's my take. What about you, Megs? I'm curious.
Well, as you know, we try to see best intent and try to give the benefit on both sides to the
lovely young Barra that felt there was a boundary violated. And of course the other Barra who
did what he feels is his best in this situation. I, on the day of, I would assume, especially as
he highlighted here, we were texting every day up until the day of the day. So if we set a date,
hey, you know, next Thursday, and we text every day up until then talking about whatever, everything's great, I'm assuming, of course, that it is set unless otherwise said it isn't.
I'm not assuming the opposite, which is, oh, it's not set until we are told that it is.
Now, that's the way I operate. And clearly that might be the way this
bearer operates because he's under the assumption, hey, yeah, of course, everything's good. We set
the date. Like, why wouldn't it be? But I think this Icy might be a victim of the modern age
where so many dudes and or maybe even chicks flick. They flick. So you could be thinking that everything
is great. And then all of a sudden day of, it just doesn't happen. I imagine, especially as a female,
if you get stood up, I think probably men get stood up more than women traditionally. But if
as a woman, if you get stood up even just one time, that's enough for you to be like, well, yeah, I need confirmation, right? Cause I'm not going
through that again. I'm not going through all the process of getting ready, you know,
bringing myself to the restaurant, anticipating everything I needed to do to beforehand.
And then this guy not showing, like I'm not doing that. So, and again, not that men wouldn't do the
same thing, but I think men are a little more assumptive and, Hey, yeah, we said it like it's in like, we're good.
So I think this might just be a victim of the modern age thing.
Like maybe she was stood up once or twice, or maybe heard a horror story where she were
about some, some guys just not showing up and her boundary is, well, Hey, if you are
really wanting to do this, of course, you're going to, you're going to set it with me ahead of time.
That said, I think it is a little aggressive. I think it's a little
strong for you to say, well, this is a standard for me. If you set something with me,
day of, you don't confirm, I'm not going. And I'm not only not going because I've made other plans, I'm not going because you violated this.
Right. This is this is something that I just can't get past.
I think that that's a little heavy.
And he uses the word ridiculous.
I don't know that I'd go that far, but I would like an opportunity to have a conversation with her about that.
Not only about how that was not my intention.
And I hope that we can get past this and maybe we can discuss your boundaries in the future.
But this looks like, hey, not doing it.
It's over.
And hey, what the hell are you talking about?
Like, you're out of control.
You're crazy.
And now this has come to a sudden end.
If I had to go guilty, like, okay, is anyone guilty here?
I'm leaning she is. I'm leaning she's a little guilty.
I'm leaning that's a little strong. That's a little unreasonable.
You texted with him all week. He said he was looking forward to it.
And it doesn't appear you made other plans. It was just that, well, hey,
you didn't do what I wanted you to do,
so now I'm out.
That said, hey, you have every right.
Your boundaries are your boundaries.
You're you if you don't want to, you know,
hang out with someone that doesn't do these things.
I can respect that, but I don't know, I see it.
It seems a little aloof.
What do you think?
I agree.
It does seem very, very aloof,
and at the end of the day, like,
if her not hearing from him.
But rather than have that mature, open conversation with him,
she would rather just assume the worst and just cut it from there,
where it sounds like they, leading up to that for weeks, had a pretty good rapport, at least over the texts.
So, yeah, I think it does sound like a little bit like, you know, maybe
she has some past experiences that just paint how she views people, which is very unfortunate.
But that's why, like I said before, like maybe it's for the best that it
kind of ended like that. Very unfortunate, of course. But, you know, again, like anyone who is
genuinely interested in you, I would hope at least has the willingness to have a conversation about
it, especially if you have never had a conversation about boundaries before.
So yeah, that one was kind of like a little surprising how that turned out.
You know, as I think through it a little bit more, I can safely say that I've never texted
a confirmation text day of looking back. I mean, I may have, but I don't believe I have.
So I would be guilty of this. Conversely, I have received texts. I'm certain of it. I can recall
two in particular. Again, we're going years back, but I can recall two very specific occasions where
she had texted me just like, hey, by the way, you know, are we doing this or doing that tonight?
Are we going here, whatever?
So now I'm wondering, is this maybe a is this a is this a male, female thing?
Have you do you expect to be texted day of?
And conversely, if you haven't heard from them, do you text to ensure that it's happening in the past?
that it's happening in the past? Oh, absolutely. I mean, I've actually had a similar situation where
Oh, absolutely.
there was a date scheduled. And I'm also the type of person where like the day of I'll at least
want some sort of a, hey, just to confirm like we're on. And from a female perspective, like,
especially if it's a first date, you know, you're taking the time to do your hair, do your makeup,
get dressed. So it is like, it's not just, okay, throw on some clothes and show up to a restaurant,
you know, it's a bit of prep time. So like having that confirmation that like, yes, this is indeed
happening. Okay, cool. I can relate to wanting that. But it's also happened before where like,
you know, I don't hear from him that day. And again, I literally just sent a text like, hey, to confirm we're still on for your night.
And then he texts back, yes, of course.
Can't wait to see you.
And then we go on to have a great date.
So maybe it is like a male-female thing.
But, you know, even when like I hadn't heard from him the day of, sure, there was like a bit of a thought of like, hey, you know, we have we usually text.
Is he all good?
Like, is it still happening?
But again, that's why I just had.
The open communication of like confirming that.
And then he did.
And then, like I said, like we had a great time together.
Now, I see. Is that is that desire for the confirmation? Is it rooted in what you had
said? Like, Hey, you know, there's a lot of stuff I need to do in order to do this. So I want to
make sure that I allow myself ample time. Or is it more, again, given today's dating environment,
if you will, I'm just not, I'm not a hundred percent convinced that anyone's going to show
up at this point. Like everyone's kind of flaky. The whole situation's kind of, you know, up in the
air until I know for sure. Like, like where's that rooted in where you'd like to receive that
confirmation? I think it's a little bit of both. Um, I think like in the beginning of any relationship,
because yeah, like we are in a climate where people will just ghost and not even have the
courtesy to say hey actually I've changed my mind so sorry da da da um there is like that uh factor
into just wanting to make sure like you know I'm not wasting my time getting ready showing up
somewhere and then they're not there but um it is also, you know, because it does take girls some
time to get ready. It's like, again, just like a, like, in my particular example, we didn't have
like a particular time set. We just had this vague plan of like, hey, this evening, we're going to do
this, that and the other. So it was also it was also you know more like what time is this
happening so that I can have the adequate time needed to prepare myself for this date so it was
a little bit of both but I think like in the beginning of relationship like I said that makes
more sense if you know someone and I are you know a little bit more advanced in the dating stage.
We've been seeing each other for a while.
I wouldn't necessarily have that same anxiety of like, oh, are they going to bail?
But I would still confirm, again, like I said, just to have an idea of the time and the timing of me getting ready and leaving my house and arriving on time.
Great insight. Great insight. Again, I think both parties could give a little grace here.
Maybe she could be a little more understanding and maybe he could be a little more forthcoming.
And hey, you know, we're probably for sure on, but you know, let me just send over a quick courtesy text to make sure everything's okay. Communicate. We keep going back to it. I see communication, whether it's the first date or
whether it's your 20th date. Yeah, that does seem to be a recurring theme in any healthy relationship.
Who'd have thought? Who'd have thought? Who'd have thought? So this next one, we're going to
crescendo up toward moderately crazy to crazy here.
This is where it all kind of begins.
I went on a first date with a woman to have some drinks at a bar near her house about a week ago.
After about 10 minutes, she commented on my shirt and how it made me look tiny, in quotes.
I thought it was odd, but let it slip.
A few minutes after that, she said,
quote, your profile said you go to the gym twice a week.
When did you stop going?
End quote.
I had not stopped going,
but this was the second comment that I thought was a bit weird.
After about an hour or so, we finished, and on our way out of the bar, she said, quote, next time, please do not wear that
cologne, end quote. The next day, she texted me telling me she had a great time and she wanted to know when we could go out again. I feel a bit
off about her comments. Should I go out again or are these comments red flags? I see. Thoughts?
Yeah, I mean, that's just very rude. I can understand not liking someone's cologne or perfume, but there's also a way to say things that aren't as harsh.
And, like, some people are just very, very blunt, and they don't mean anything negative by it.
But if it's a first date and, someone told me like yeah don't wear this
perfume again like that I would feel like a little miffed like okay you know um the comments about
like when did you stop going to the gym and you look tiny in that shirt like that's just rude
you could so much easier just ask them like yeah so you said on your profile that you like to work out like
talk to me about that you know what do you what does your typical week look like and you can find
out the same information without being degrading and just like honestly mean so I me personally
feel like that could be a bit of a red flag because they don't seem to be someone that takes into consideration how their words affect you.
And that's just the first date.
So if I were in this Barra's situation, I would be pretty offended and probably get the ick and personally not want to see this person again.
What about you?
Yeah, this one hit home for me.
This is, I had studied this phenomena.
There was a wonderful book written by Alison Armstrong.
Do you happen to know who she is, I see?
Have you heard of Alison Armstrong by chance?
I don't know her by name.
She is incredible.
She wrote an incredible book called The Queen's Code.
I know we've talked on this show before about books that we've read and how they've come to bear with some of these examples.
And often I have noticed that the best books written about men and understanding of men and all that comes from women.
books written about men and understanding of men and all that comes from women.
I know I talked about one on a different episode, but Alison, quite frankly, for me, may be the
premier woman in understanding the behavior of men and all things men. She is an unbelievable
woman. And I would, any, if there's any female bearers out there that ever want to
understand men, for whatever your reason may be, read the Queen's Code. It can be difficult to get
through because it might say some things you might not, might not agree with, but trust me,
it's incredible. In that book, she highlights the story of the frog farmer. Are you familiar with,
do you ever, do you know what a frog farmer is? I've never heard that before, no.
So it's rooted in this.
Some women turn men into princes.
Other women turn princes into frogs.
This, my friend, you have stumbled across a frog farmer.
This is one of those women that try to emasculate men and, you know, really try to get the upper hand and, again, talk down to you in a way, you know, very condescending.
They said very rude, challenging your manhood.
I'll go out on a limb here and again,
give some very candid feedback. As an example, there's never a time where a woman should call
any part of a man tiny and it be accepted. Oh, you got a tiny nose, you've got a tiny toe,
you've got tiny eyes, you got a tiny blank. This is not a word that from a man's perspective
is ever going to be, oh my God,
thank you so much. What a lovely compliment. And women should know that. Again, that word
specifically, tiny and man, like that is a no-go, at least for masculine men. Like we're not playing
that game, like period. And to your point, I see, I thought
that you said something very impactful there. If she was curious about the gym routine, she could
have very easily asked a question around, Hey, what's your, like you said, what's your regimen?
What days do you go? I go on Tuesdays and Thursdays. impact, to talk down to, to condescend, followed by the cologne.
Now, again, did she like the cologne?
Yeah, probably not.
But at the same time, if you really, really feel the need to bring it, I mean, if it was so, I mean, I'm thinking to
myself, how terrible would a woman's perfume need to be for me to actually call it out as I'm
getting to know somebody. Now, again, if we've been dating for a long time, we're married and
crazy. Oh, you know, I'm not sure that I like, like, where'd you get that one? I don't know
if I like that one that much. Right. You have that rapport, you have that relationship, you have that
You have that chemistry, you have that history together where you can have that candid conversation.
chemistry, you have that history together where you can have that candid conversation.
But this is, again, not only rude, this is a frog farmer for me.
Any follow-up thoughts?
Yeah, it's actually a really good point.
I knew that subconsciously, but I hadn't even considered that point.
Never ever use the word tiny when talking about a man. Conversely, no woman ever wants to
hear a man describe something about her as big, you know, or something similar. So yeah, that it
definitely emasculating is a great word for it. To me, it sounds like she is already testing the
waters of how she can chip away at
your self-esteem. And like I said, like for a first date, like there's no way that's going to
get better from there. Like it's just going to get worse as she becomes more comfortable with you.
So I would say do yourself a solid and have, you know, an example of great self-respect and self-worth
and, you know, cut things off here.
Yeah, I would not continue forward.
But like we've talked about with all the other examples,
I would absolutely share with her why I was not moving forward. And I wouldn't do it in a rude way. I wouldn't
try to, you know, come back and go, I'm going to be rude to you like you were rude to me.
And like I said, I'm going to call you, you know, you're big this, you're big that, right?
You know, to combat the tiny this, tiny that, like we're not playing that game. We're adults.
And I think the feedback is important, not only for her to understand, hey, I don't want to ghost
you. I respect the fact that you took the time to meet with me and spend time with me. And I think the feedback is important, not only for her to understand, hey, I don't want to ghost you.
I respect the fact you took the time to meet with me and spend time with me.
And I appreciate you for that.
So I owe you an explanation as to why this isn't going to go any further.
But in addition, in hopes that she would take that feedback and learn and grow from it, because this is a really unfortunate situation here.
there there's an old saying, uh, a prince is trainable. A king is not. Uh, and, uh, you know,
There's an old saying, a prince is trainable, a king is not.
it can be, it can be used in many ways, both positive and negative. But, uh, again, she's
trying to turn a prince into a frog here. So that's a hard no. And again, coaching is needed.
Uh, I see, as I mentioned, we are getting into the world of the bizarre here in this next one.
I questioned whether or not this really happened.
I've seen some things in my time, especially being in Vegas, that I have felt I just would never see anywhere else in the world.
And this one is right up near the top for me.
So, without further ado, the bearer writes, I went out on a date and it was going well
until she drank a few glasses of wine. After her third glass, she commented that there, that there
was someone staring at her from across the bar. I looked across the bar, but I couldn't really see anything from where I was sitting. About 30 minutes later,
she stood up and shouted, what are you looking at? I couldn't believe it. After a few moments,
a woman walked over to us. She stood in front of us and said, quote, yes, we were staring and we just want to know, are they real? End quote.
I watched as she, I watched, pardon me, I watched as she said, oh, you mean these? And she took her breasts out of her dress and was playing with them for everyone to see.
The other woman did not seem surprised and just laughed at her.
Then my date stood up, grabbed the girl by the back of the head, and put her face into her breasts.
The woman pulled back and stared at us and then ran outside.
I was wanting to leave after this, but stayed for 15 minutes.
When I told my friends about what had happened,
they said that I was crazy and that I should have stayed with my date and that I should do whatever it takes to see her again.
What do you guys think?
I see.
What the hell, man?
These are insane scenarios today. Hell nah, man. These are insane scenarios today.
Hell nah, dog.
Like, okay. First of all, having three...
Where to even begin, right?
I'm like literally reeling, like where to begin.
Okay, so first of all, having three glasses of wine on a date can be okay.
Everyone has a different tolerance.
For me personally, I would be drunk three glasses of wine in.
And it sounds like, I don't know, maybe, you know, maybe you're both drinking and that's okay.
But that's something to consider is like, you know, I don't know.
I feel like to get drunk on a date pretty early on at least is strange behavior.
From there, aggressively shouting across the bar at someone
is also strange and unbecoming behavior for any young lady. And then furthermore,
oh man, to take your breasts out in a public place in front of a stranger to prove that they're
like that, what? Like, I'm sorry, but that is hoe behavior. That is not ladylike in any way, shape, or form.
And I mean, if you want a hoe as a wife, sure, I guess. But I feel like most men, when they're
considering pursuing a relationship with a woman for the purpose of having a long-term relationship,
relationship with a woman for the purpose of having a long-term relationship, wife, mother of
their children, having a semblance of etiquette in public is really important. That sounds like
obscene and frankly disturbing behavior. All of the friends telling you to be with this girl,
I wonder the age of this Bera,
because that sounds like something that 19-year-old frat boys would say
that aren't necessarily thinking long-term,
but from a girl's perspective,
holy moly, bro,
that is absolutely not okay.
Not ladylike.
And not very becoming for a woman
that, again, you may be considering
as the role of wife and mother of your children.
That's...
That's an insane scenario.
Any additions to that, Migs?
Far be it from me to tell anybody what is and isn't considered a good time.
That young lady, under her constitutionally protected rights,
had every right to decide to take out the girls and enjoy herself. No, actually,
all kidding aside, an assault took place here. This was a sexual assault. She grabbed the female
by the head and plummeted her face into her chest area. That's assault. But hey, you know, there was no officer on premises, nor were any files charged, but charges filed as far as we know.
Now, I think you're really on to something here. I see with the age demographic. I mean, for the gentleman to even be considering it.
I mean, obviously, he said dates here, right? I wanted to leave. Right. I stayed for 15 minutes and I, you know, I dipped like I did a solid by like staying like I wanted to I just want to get the fuck out of there. Right. I stayed for 15 minutes and I, you know, I dipped like I did a solid by like staying like I wanted to I just want to get the fuck out of there.
Right. So clearly his initial reaction here is the right one.
Like this is not behavior.
This to say this lacks elegance is on a whole nother level.
Now, if you're not seeking elegance, to your point, you know, if you're seeking a good time, uh, you know, I think we've all done stuff,
a little crazy, three glasses of wine deep, or, you know, a bottle of tequila in my, in my case,
deep, you know, shit. I've never done that, but I mean, there are board there, there are lines
that even when drunk, you won't cross. Uh, she clearly has lines that are, we have yet to see what those lines are because every
possibility that could have been crossed was in this, in this, in this situation. So an unfortunate
thing here, obviously, I think to your point, they're younger. She's probably younger. I can't
imagine a grown woman doing this. That said, you know, it's possible. Scary, scary.
So he asked what we think.
I think that once again, she needs to be very, it needs to be very clearly made to her that this behavior, I love what you said, I see, is extremely unbecoming.
that this behavior, I love what you said I see, is extremely unbecoming.
And while maybe she was drunk or she made a couple mistakes
or maybe she's just having a good time, trying to unwind, I appreciate all that.
But sexual assault in my presence is absolutely off limits.
In addition, I prefer exclusivity.
And for you to parade yourself naked in a bar of public people,
even if this assault hadn't taken place,
is also not something that I'm going to be able to move forward with.
So I appreciate the fact that she probably provided some entertainment
for everybody in the bar that night,
with the exception of the young lady that was assaulted and ran outside.
But this is not something that I can get down with um any closing thoughts i see yeah honestly
i even forgot about the shoving the lady's face into her tits part when i was first giving my
two cents because like again this scenario is just so wildly unhinged um but yeah appreciate what you said about that is sexual assault
and i feel like so often um maybe less often now with like you know the the current times we are
we like seeing it less and less but like there is this sort of double standard you know like if a
guy like let's just say for the sake of unhinged hypotheticals,
if a guy had a bulge and the same scenario played out,
but reversed, and he stuck someone's hand on his crotch area,
everyone would be screaming from the rooftops of that sexual assault.
So appreciate that you pointed out that this is
100 sexual assault on the this the part of that lady i mean if someone did that to me like
first of all they would have been slept right there in the bar and then it'd have to be a
whole thing you know police would have to get involved at that point but like
yeah dude that's that's an insane scenario it is i and like
you said i i i i can't imagine again if if you were happen to be looking in someone direction
and they called you out that you would march over and say by the way are your tits real
right i don't know that you'd put yourself in that situation to be grabbed uh and again one
could argue what do you mean?
She's rude to me.
She walked over and asked me like, no, it wasn't rude.
Yes, of course.
Completely inappropriate.
Do you eye for an eye makes the whole world blind?
I see, as you said, you know, like I know what I'll do to make sure that she feels as
uncomfortable as I am.
I'm going to take out my tits.
I'm going to rub her face in them.
That'll make this whole thing perfectly fine.
It's a goddamn disaster. However, this last situation may be the disaster to end all disasters.
And again, there wasn't a sexual assault that took place here, at least not that we know of.
And again, there wasn't a sexual assault that took place here, at least not that we know of.
Here we go.
I see.
I'm going to I'm going to get into this one because this is all sorts of things that we probably need to discuss.
So here we go.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years and we are were about to move in together.
About a month ago, he started acting strange, and I got suspicious
that he might be cheating on me. One night, after he fell asleep at my place, I grabbed his phone,
and I started looking through it. I know that I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway.
I did not see any strange texts or strange contacts or calls.
I was about to finish, and then I checked the photos.
In his photos were two pictures of some guy's dick, and I know it's not his.
I couldn't believe it.
I have now put off moving in together.
I have not told him why.
I do not think that I can tell him what I saw.
I do not know what to do.
Help.
Dot, dot, dot.
I turn it over to you, I see.
Oh, man.
No shortage of insane scenarios for us tonight, huh?
I don't know that anything could have prepared.
Yeah, that honestly, that was a I was not expecting that.
OK, well.
Appreciate what this young bear said about recognizing that they made a wrong decision and going behind this person's back to look through their phone.
Because at the end of the day, that is an invasion like you just know something is going on.
But at this point, like you have to talk about it and you can, in my opinion, and you can
tell them prefacing that you know that you made a wrong decision.
prefacing that you know that you made a wrong decision but like you know what you know now
and there's no going back from that you can't not talk about it um there is a
a path for forgiveness if that's what this person so chooses.
But... I see. Quickly, when you say forgiveness, do you mean on behalf of her,
I don't want to use the word betrayal, but that might be appropriate here, of looking in the phone?
Or are you saying forgiveness on the part of her forgiving him
for what she saw on the phone?
Yeah, because we don't know all of the context here.
I normally... what she saw yeah because like we don't know all of the context here um i i normally like i in in like most scenarios it sounds like this was a cheating situation there could be just some
crazy contextual explanation for why this would be there but I don't know. I think at the end of the day, though,
like, you gotta talk about it. Even if it's the end of the relationship,
at least to give them, like, we would say that feedback, but yeah man i did not expect that one i thought like maybe
there would be like some some girl that he's talking to but to go to go uh the opposite
direction there that's that's a that one caught me off guard
i again it's not the first time nor i guess it will be the last, depending on how long we
continue forward here, that I've been horrified on the show. I'm horrified. I'm horrified here.
Obviously, just when you think the crime here is, like you said so eloquently, an invasion of
privacy, and we could just end it there and talk about trust and talk about repairing trust and, you know, trying to work together toward not feeling this suspicion of infidelity.
It took a left turn at Albuquerque and we ended up with a couple of dicks.
Now, I'm really anxious for your female perspective on this, I see, because I'm coming from a male perspective, and I can say this with a high level of confidence that any guy, straight male, especially one in a relationship, will never, ever have a photo of a dick in his phone.
This is an absolute certainty.
It's not going to be there for a joke.
It's not going to be there for a gag.
You know, if someone, because, you know, sometimes someone texts you shit
and then it saves in your photos, you know, automatically,
like you don't delete it or you just forget to, like you just whatever.
And it's in there. If some dude texts another dude, a dick,
two things are going to happen. Number one, that photo is going to be fucking deleted immediately.
And number two, that dude is going to get deleted immediately. Whoever sent you the dick,
this is a sequence of events. It's going to happen at a very, very high level. Dudes joke around. We don't text each other photos of dicks. Now, the other thing
that she had put, there were two pictures. So you can't even get away with, oh my God, like some,
like it was like, you know, I'm trying to give grace, but I'm really harping our time. Like,
you know, some prank, you know, some dude, right. You know, some, some guy you don't know, like, for instance, I am aware of somebody as a vengeful act had put their ex's phone number on Craigslist
and said, Hey, for a good time, you know, send me a prove to me. You're at least 10 inches.
So as a result, dudes that saw that on Craigslist were texting that phone number, a bunch of dicks.
result dudes that saw that on Craigslist were texting that phone number, a bunch of dicks.
So I can see, but I'm like, I don't think that's what happened here. Um, it's only to,
he would have probably mentioned had something like that happened. Hey, by the way, like I'm
getting all these cranking, like somebody must've, you know, be pranking me like this is insane.
This is a problem. And to your point, do we talk about it? The answer is, of course, we have to talk about this, but bringing it up is so difficult because, again, the betrayal that was the segue to finding it must be acknowledged.
is guilty of something, which I don't know how he couldn't be, is going to use that as a crowd.
What do you mean? You should have never been in there. You're the guilty, blah, blah, blah, blah,
deflect, deflect, lie, lie, lie, this, that, this. I don't know that it's going to be productive.
That said, I'm never going to use that as an excuse to not have the conversation.
But again, I see anxious for your thoughts to explain the possibility of dick pics in
your boyfriend's phone.
I honestly don't even know, man.
I don't think there is any scenario.
I'm trying to think about this from a benefit of the doubt position, and I really can't.
The more that we even talk about it, the more that I'm like, nah, this is cooked.
Like, this is cooked, chopped, and messy.
Yeah, I mean, I already am just a huge proponent of if they cheat, leave.
Now, well, let's investigate that just a little bit.
And again, let's remove the dicks for a minute and say it was a photo of a naked young woman.
Are you assuming infidelity instantly?
I would in that case, yeah. Yeah, and I guess that goes to show that this is such a left-curve kind of scenario
that I was even trying to give some sort of a benefit of the doubt,
but 100%, if I look in my boyfriend's phone and I see naked women,
I'm going to assume infidelity.
And at worst and at best,'s like a porn brain rot individual and saves like
you know pornographic images of women that he finds online which I also would not like and
would not sit well with me so yeah the more that I think about this, like, yeah, that's cooked.
But I think, again, you could she states here they've been together for two years.
And dicks in the phone imply gay, but she wouldn't be with him for two years if he's gay.
So maybe that's what's keeping this together as well.
Yeah, you got, you know, photos of some chick.
Clearly, you know, you're probably screwing the girl, right?
I mean, come on.
But maybe, I mean, do we give grace here?
Because it's like, well, hey, I know he's not into chicks.
I mean, he's been with me for two years, right?
Or do you automatically go all the way to the end of the line,
which, well, hold on a minute, he's probably bi then.
Like, he's doing dudes.
I mean, where's your's doing dudes. I mean,
where's your mind at? I mean, it could be an either or. I mean, we've heard so many stories
of like a man coming out as gay after being married to a woman for 20 years. And it was more
like a self repression of like, you know, the man thinking, well, if I get married and I have kids,
like that'll make me not gay until finally he can't take it anymore and he has to be honest
so there's that scenario there is also a chance that it could be a man who is genuinely bisexual
um who knows but Who knows, but I like I would feel so icked out personally by the situation, regardless of whether it was a scenario where he ends up being gay and you're his what do they call it?
Like cover or whatever, or his beard.
Yeah, his beard.
If it was the first.
What a thing to call it.
What a thing. Yeah it what a thing yeah no yeah if it turns out that you know you're his beard and he really is gay I would feel even more
disrespected but regardless of the scenario like I would feel so wildly disrespected and like
trust broken because for me personally even like even if I had a boyfriend and he was subscribed to
someone's OnlyFans, I consider that cheating. What do you mean you're paying to see someone
else naked? I'm not even really comfortable with porn, to be honest. It's all up to the
individual where your boundaries are, and that's why communication with your partner is so important
because different couples have different boundaries but I am of the personal
opinion that porn is absolute rot and it is not good for society and is not good for having a
healthy you know mental health and sound mind period so for me even if it was a scenario where like oh that that was from a porno or
something i would still like that would not sit well with me yeah there's nothing about it that's
appropriate again a best intent i guess would be maybe your friend was looking at the centerfold for playboy that week and was like oh hey you know
this looks like my ex-girlfriend what do you think and you just forgot to delete it and you're like
well that idiot like whatever like i'm i'm really going out on a limb here to try to find a reason
that could be explained away and this would be just a normal situation i think the dick pics add a whole nother element here that demand a full inquiry.
It just, it's so firm. It's so bizarre. There's really only a handful of explanations.
explanations, none of them end up with her being the center of attention and this being a normal,
healthy, thriving, hey, let's move in together and see if we can move this to the next relation,
next level of our relationship type situation in my mind. So this, this absolutely to your point
has to be addressed. We have to get to the bottom of this and understand what happened. I don't know
that she's going to like what she hears.
In fact, I don't know that she'll get the truth.
I mean, I know very few people that are caught in whatever lie they may be telling and instantly,
oh, yep, you caught me.
I'm guilty.
I did it.
You're right.
Oh, man, I almost fooled you, right?
It's typically denied, denied denied denied zero accountability
zero growth um disaster so i hope that she finds what she needs from that conversation
again she she highlights here i don't think i can tell them you have to have the courage to
have the conversation and if anything for your own personal growth, not that
you're going to get the answers you seek and not that you get the truth, as I mentioned, but
strictly, if you can confront this situation head on, I mean, this is about as bad as a situation
as you can get. Not only are you grappling with potential infidelity of someone you spent two
years with that you're about to move in with, you're grappling with the potential of you being a beard, right, on the side, which adds just a little bit of a cherry on
top to the negative emotion. So if you can handle this, baby girl, you are as courageous as they
come. I hope that you engage. I hope that you get what you need from this situation. And I hope that
you can move on from it without too much trauma.
Icy, anything you'd add as we shut it down?
Yeah, just, you know, don't forget your self-worth again.
You know, this is probably a scenario where you're going to be heartbroken and have some stuff that you got to work through in terms of like healing and moving on.
But, you know, just.
It's not you. It is clearly a him thing um and yeah just don't forget that you know there is someone out there who will
respect and cherish you you just have to keep doing you until you find him
love that love that i see sound advice well what a wild ride our our sixth episode here uh in
incredible an incredible array of situations situationships across the bara eco this was
really really something else uh i appreciate the level of trust here. I mean, we're getting into some extremely
delicate situations. And I would say that as we close that I really appreciate them trusting us
with the ability to offer guidance. I just so hope I see that we do offer some relief here.
I am a lot of these situations, well, you know, harmless and kind of silly and ridiculous.
Others, you know, might have some real consequences in terms of how people might feel internally and how they may process.
So I would just say that I hope that we add value and that we continue to shape the world, boil the ocean, find the cures for cancer and everything in between.
the ocean, find the cures for cancer
and everything in between.
With that, we will see you all
next Tuesday
for what
I imagine will be
a much more toned down version
than this week, but I don't know.
Perhaps we will continue
down the course of chaos.
But until then,
stay safe,
stay hydrated, and I see any other parting words that you can give to the Barrow community? As we enter into Wide Barrow Wednesday on top of staying
hydrated, safe, and, you know, giving your body a good stretch and touching grass, also just be very,
very wide. Bingo. All right, guys. Good night. We'll see you next week thanks again take care Thank you.
