♪ So we got all this together on the planet ♪ ♪ Now to this never want to have to take me so seriously ♪ ♪ We'll let me ♪ ♪ We'll please ♪
If you're put upon that path, if your rest is fine.
♪ All they need is death just for a bit of fun ♪ ♪ Unless you pray ♪ ♪ Until you leave the flowers and the other leave the peace ♪ ♪ Death is in your speech and flowers and the gray ♪ ♪ We'll land this ♪
(audience applauding) ♪ We love on super onto ground and get back to the earth ♪ ♪ We don't have nothing in the videos of three ♪
♪ A man and a master for a little miles is animals ♪ ♪ And the elevens mortgages sing at us ♪ ♪ Be a baby ♪ ♪ Be a baby ♪
There it is! Clarksville, Texas, population 7,800. The town where I grew up, where I finally became a man. Sure looks peaceful when you see it from up here on Kister's Hill. All those lights blinking in the distance. Every Saturday night.
Lots of couples come up here to look at all those lights. Funny thing is, we almost lost it all. Not just Clark'sville, but our whole American way of life. In fact, the whole wide world. It may sound fantastic, but that's just what almost happened. I should
know I'm the guy who saved you. My name is Timmy, Timmy Johnson, but when it all began just a few short weeks ago I was near 17 years old and I'd never had a date in my life. Girls never really went for me and I
turned out to be a lucky thing because if I've been popular with the girls like all the other guys I knew today you might be a slave a slave to the most horrible space creatures the universe has ever known a slave to
The Sluts from Space, a presentation of the National Land Room Radio Hour, written by Ann Starring Ed Subitsky, produced by Bob Tishler, also starring Holly Beer, Bob Callumann, Ronda Kule, Bob Dryden, Patrick Epstein, Ellen Gross,
Anna's Hersch, Judy Jacqueline, Ted Kubeak, Bob Michelson, Bob Perry, Emily Prager, Vernon Tath, Jerry Turhighton, Margaret Victor, and Gracie Whitebred, featuring Steve Pope on the ARP synthesizer. (audience applause)
As I said, the whole thing began just a few weeks ago, but I guess in another sense it really began about five years ago. I was 12 years old, in the seventh grade, and for the first time in my life I went up to a girl to ask her for
a date. Janie she was cute little Janie with a long red hair and like any guy asking for his first date I was a little nervous. Hi Janie. Excuse me Timmy I'm in a hurry. Janie there's something
I want to ask you. No Timmy, you can't let me borrow your homework again. I'm borrowing our notes. He's captain of the basketball team. Sandy, would you? Would you? Would I? Would I? Would I? Would I? I read in the newspaper on the movie page. I think it was in the third column near the bottom.
that there's a great Frankenstein movie playing downtown at 7.30 p.m. on Saturday night. And my father says he'd be willing to drive us there in this truck as long as we get out before midnight.
After that, there was Sally, the Venon, the Ileane. I never knew why the gals always turned me down. Maybe it was that I was kind of shy, and the girls didn't like it when I started to blush and shake. Or maybe it was the time I'd been too close to the big meat grinder on my
Popper's hog farm. I only wanted to see how it worked inside because I was doing a model for my science fair project, but it did leave my face a little funny. I remember once I even asked Frank Simpson what the trouble was. I was Frank Simpson's second best friend at the time, but he was my
first best friend. Hey Frank, got a minute. For my second best buddy, sure. What's up? Well, that's okay. You can talk in front of the Lord. She's my one true love. We neck a lot. That's just it, Frank. How come all the girls always go for you and none of them ever
to notice me. Tell me I don't know. Maybe the Lorz knows. The Lorz do you know? Oh Frank, I love you so. The Lorz I ask you if you know the answer to Timmy's question. Who's question? Timmy. I'm most timmy. Timmy right here. Oh see Timmy.
You have no one here. Sure there is. Little closely. I don't see. Oh. Yeah. Feel. After that, I didn't bother.
trying anymore. I stopped going after girls, even stopped looking at them. Instead, I lost myself in my studies. It wasn't until years later. In fact, just about a month ago, that I even talked to a girl that was the time I fell head over heels in love.
with a girl I'll have a lot more to say about later. Yeah she was new in town and I took one look at her and that was it. Love at first sight she had big blue eyes and long black hair and the softest
the skin you ever saw. She would always hang around old man pop soda shop after school and I overheard one of the guys call her Lynn. Oh, and Peterson. After weeks of swallowing hard, I finally worked up the courage to go up to her. I'd even fooled myself into thinking I was going
I just remembered, promised my father I'd iron the oak tree and got very wrinkled from all the brave last winter. So, shy as I was, I had a saddle for loving Lynn Peterson from afar.
really wasn't much of a life though. I mean all the other guys taking their girlfriends out to movies to the school dances that coming up here to Christmas Hill while I stayed in my room looking through my old national geographics. Sometimes I would get so sad and lonely I would even cry.
I guess I would have felt a lot better if I'd known I had been made a creep for a very special reason, a reason that meant the very saving of the Earth itself. Feel that breeze pick up. I see some lights going off down there. Guess Clarkson's getting
ready to go to sleep. Moons high and if you look carefully you can see it shining off the church's deep holes. 216 churches, 47 synagogues, even an ethical culture center just above Mr. Berkeley's 5 and 10 all for a population that numbers under 8000. I guess
That's why they chose Carxville as the place to try out their horrible plan. If it worked in a god-fearing town like Carxville, they must have figured the rest of the world would be a cinch. They. It seems so obvious now, but at first nobody noticed anything unusual.
not to be caught Clark's villas always been known as the pretty girl hub of Hutchinson County. But why every year we take first three or four places in the Miss Clark'sville Beauty Contest. Still, a couple of the men were beginning to notice something. I remember one conversation I overheard in Mr. Grayson's barber shop. I made a habit of
of getting my crew caught trimmed three or four times a week because that was the only place I could read the police Gazette. And what I heard should have tipped a good science student off that something funny was brewing. [Birds chirping] [Birds chirping] [Birds chirping] [Birds chirping] [Birds chirping] [Birds chirping] [Birds chirping] [Birds chirping] [Bird#
and have the cows thinking of some sort of a hippie, you know. You got to use shy colors on cows, at least if you want good milkings. And cows know more than we humans give them credit for. Oh, sure. And reason you ain't never missed with the scissors before. Now, how am I supposed to explain that here to my boss?
Let alone my beloved wife. Sorry, Clam, but did you see what's standing on the corner out there? I can't see nothing through this here, hot towel. Here, let me take it off. Now look there, right through the window. Well, Lee, that's just about that pretty thing I relayed eyes on.
be a movie actress or something. Shucks, there ain't no movies studios within four states a year. Yeah, come and think you'll get there to do seem to be a lot more pretty gals in town these days. More than I can ever recall when I've been coming into town now under 29 years. That reminds me
How's your wife? My wife? My wife? Beautiful girls in town than ever before. Girls with long black hair and long blonde hair. Girls with big bright smiles and skin as smooth as a well-planned hogwaster. Girls with lovely long legs and
figures that look like something out of the police because that itself or the pictures in the paperbacks, old Mr. Apple beheaps in the shelf in back of his general store. The ones I read once in a while when I'm pretending to buy greeting cards. I guess all of us should have been more suspicious.
the role. Clarksville is the largest town in all of Hutchinson County. Main stop on two bus lines and a train line too. And new girls are always showing up to seek their fortunes. Still, their numbers did seem to be increasing and increasing. Well, Clad!
you have a good day at the horse collar breakfast? Not bad Andy. So I will feel good to get home though I can't wait for a taste of my wife's great cookie. Yep, Clyde I guess we got a lot to be say before alright. We're all Godfired people here in Clarksville. Women got good wife
to make good homes for us all. Yeah, you can say that again. Oh, Andy, do you see that? Clyde, masters, I'm surprised at you. The Reverend Mayor's cousin and all. You never whistled at a woman before in your life. But that ain't just one woman.
Five of the protest women have been seen. I don't see them put your glasses on. Well okay but I declare a man of your age in station, Westman and the woman. Oh yes! (whistling)
I don't know who the first one was who did more than just whistle. But as I remember, it just might have been my best friend Frank.
- Who said that? - It's me. Tell me. - Oh, I didn't notice you again. - Your eyes are all red. Can I help? - Did you say something? - Can I help? - Yes! You can tell that too, darling. So call this friend of yours.
Now in World of Clarksville I knew there was no guy more faithful and upstanding than my best friend
Frank. I knew something was wrong and there was only one way to find out what it was. I hurried home. Hi Ma. Hi Pa. Hey Ma'am. Mother loves your son. Yes son. Speak up. Would you mind if I borrowed
family truck for a while. Oh that's quite a responsibility son. What's wrong? Just something. I want to check up on. Oh poor it can't hurt. Besides you and me we ain't had leavein' alone in the house for a long time. That is
I sure do love you. And I sure do love you, Paul. Don't case, son, and you just take your time. The keys are in my old saddle pouch. But be careful of the mouth trap. Thanks, Pa. [MUSIC PLAYING]
I had never actually been to Kester's hill before and it was just the way I had thought. I'll bring in dark and quiet and peaceful, at least until I got there.
Hey, what y'all think this is? A stay-challar something? Look, it's been a jaunton. What do you do, Tom? I'm up here and neck with yourself. He must be doing an experiment for the science fair. Listen, guys, it's real important. I'm looking for my best friend, Frank. Kimmy.
Over here. Frank, I like goodness I found you. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were busy. That's okay, Timmy. I wanted you to meet Madeline anyway. Madeline, this is Timmy. I'm his best friend and he's my second best friend. Please meet you big fella. But Frank!
I thought you were going with Dolores. Dolores! Oh, well, that wasn't till this evening when I met Madeline here. Isn't she the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? She even promised me she'd let me touch on the bazongra. Hey, you keep her down. Why, that sounds like Clint Barton.
Hello, Mr. Barton. Hello, Mrs. Barton. How nice to think that after all these years, they still like to neck with each other. Why? That's not Mrs. Barton.
All that night I couldn't sleep a wink. It would be strange, beautiful girls turning up all over town and already one of our most solid citizens as well as my best friend, shamelessly flandering. My scientific suspicions were aroused already but they were really aroused.
So I want to happen to me after school, the following afternoon. I'd stayed late to finish up my working model of a brain shoot for the latest science fair, and when I left the building, the air was warm with the first touch of spring, and there was still a hint of red blush in the sky. [screaming]
I said, "Hi there." Were you, were you talking to me? Yes, I'm new and down and I don't have a set of yet. And what just happened to notice that you were all by yourself, if you asked me out for a date I did I didn't.
Yes, you must be talking to someone else. I'm talking to you. It's just me. There's a lot more where that came from. Excuse me. I must be getting along.
I promised I brushed the cows before dark. What about a little knee? Quickly I ducked into a nearby alley and tried to collect my thoughts. That had been a lie about the cows. The first time
I had ever told the lie in my entire life, but I knew that no normal girl would take an interest in Clark's bills number one creepout, and I knew it was up to me to find out just what was going on. So right then and there, I decided to follow her.
At first she just walked through town while I hid in the garbage can so she wouldn't see me. She sure did have a pretty walk. But then once you came to the edge of town she just kept on going. It was pitch black now and she carefully made her way through the woods.
We know about the ever goes because they say they're big bears and rattlesnakes there. That'll just swallow your down bones and all. I was sure scared, but I knew I had to keep going on. Then suddenly we came to this clearing. And in the clearing, I saw a sight that I'll never free.
forget, not as long as I live. How do I describe something like that? It was enormous, round, and it looked like it was made of some kind of strange, unearthly metal. It had these little oval windows in it and the stairs that led up to a door.
I got there just in time to see that girl go off the stairs. And as she did, the door slid open automatically. Another beautiful girl was waiting there. And I knew right off that she must be the leader because she was wearing a big metallic crown. A shiver went through.
as I heard her speak. Then the door closed behind her, praying that they wouldn't notice me, at reminding
the man upstairs that I'd always been a good boy. I tipped him up to the window and looked inside. I could hardly believe what I saw. And there must have been hundreds of them in there. Each one more beautiful than the next. I was even able to recognize a few of them.
Including Madeline, the girl my best friend Frank had taken up to Kister's hill, and then I saw the leader tap for attention. Troops, let us now review our plan for the conquest of Earth. Although we of the planet all day have seven or six of us cold creatures.
our bodies happen to be shaped like the lurch of his earth females by making ourselves freely available. We shall do with the nails away from the families, disrupt the very moral fiber of the society, and because our metabolism happens to be 12 times that of an
Earth people each of us can become the lover of a full dozen Earthlings. Once we have torn down the enemy's social structure, taking them over will be child's play. Of course we must test our plan first. If we succeed in this god-fearing town, we'll have no
trouble anywhere. Ancient Lulu, you have a question. Yes, what if we should fail here? Then we shall leave, of course, and find another planet to conquer. Great leader, one more question. Speak. Why is it necessary?
for us to conquer planets and enslave their peoples. Because it makes us high. Because there's no trip anywhere in the universe quite like taking over another planet.
the window. Somehow I forced my legs to run. Ow! My ankle! I hope they didn't hear. Oh! You came. But, got to keep on going.
I don't know how I'd made it through that woods, but I did. Kimmy, what are you doing all the way out here? I was sleepwalking during my after dinner nap, and I hurt my ankle.
I'll give you a lift home. Hi there, Sarah. Oh, Timmy. Meet Melva. Melva's a new friend. The same Timmy. Don't mention Melva to my wife, huh? Their plan was working. And I knew I had a plan.
to do something fast. Even though my ankle was purple with agony, I still by self against the pain and left my house right after supper. Who's there? Frank? It's me, Timmy. I have to talk
Tomorrow, Tamiya, I'm dressing for a date. Tonight, Madeline said she'd let me touch her in the tent. I can't wait! You must let me in. All right, but it better be important. Unless you want to drop to my third best friend. And if I'm not my tie while we talk. After I finish, you might not want to not it.
That's the most ridiculous story I ever heard of my life. Frank, can't you see I'm not kidding the fate of the whole world as it's stayed. You know, going without dates so long as finally driven you baddie, you've got to believe me.
to yourself my fourth best friend. But, Frank, you're dropping the fifth I warn you, I swear it's true. And this girl Madeline, she's one of the- That does it, Seventh. Now goodbye. We are early, Frank.
boy all alone on kisses yeah just you and I is that so funny no it's not that it's Timmy my crazy friend Timmy he just told me the wildest story
You cried for funny shows on the radio or something. Really? What story? You and the interesting. I am interested. First you kill me. Then we neck. Okay.
He says, "These strange kind of space women have come to town." They're trying to take us over by destroying our moral fiber. He even told me that you were one of them.
[laughs] Madeline. Madeline, what's that strange thing you got in your head? Looks like a Madeline. Madeline. No! [laughs] [crow cawing]
Or the conclusion of the slugs from space. Be sure to tune to the National Emblem Radio our next week, when you will hear... I was... what? During... one... dice weather, isn't it? Don't forget.
Union one week from tonight. Same time. Same station. For the conclusion of the sluts from space.