It's starting, it's starting. Coming to you from the Shrevele Green Hot
So, Goblin Town, lie from the GTN Queen Towers! This is Gawd Weekly! Goblin Business? This is I, Miller! Coming to you!
to lie from the frosty top of Mount Gobi in the center of town. And I have to say, the temperature is about 0.5 inches up here, if you know what I mean. But to ring in Godness, what better place to people?
From then the yellow snow heights of our great topographical nipple in the sky, ting, ting, dee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-#
you'll understand what I say to promise of zero seems to have been a cunning ruse designed by those terrible who run over loads to placate our toiling masses. And I for one won't stand for it. In fact, I'm already sitting down to share with that next year. I'm
going to begin my residential campaign. That's right! I believe it's high time we take this town to zero, and with a powerful cabinet of GOB leadership. I promise you we will fill the swamp and emit the gases needed to take ourselves to the pit of the mines for once and for all.
This week we have a great show for you. As the whole GTN gang is here and has been wrecking the halls in preparation to bring you a merry little smattering of understuffed stockings, tiny dangling ween ornaments and of course a hot
mug of pissness here. Not to mention a new segment with Town's very own pharmaceutical and talk show stagnate. Dr. Garabler! So stay tuned as we tuck you in for a long crypto winter snap on this 10th and final Goblin Town weekend.
episode of 2020 poo. Now, before we get to the madness, it's time to pay the bills. A word from our sponsors, please.
I just took up the seat of that 96 Camry.
You just passed the fall down, Bree. Look out for bus bags! We've got the best deals in all of Gobletown guaranteed! If you find a better deal anywhere else, we'll take a f*** on your mother's s***. Absolutely free! These deals won't last forever, so don't miss it!
The Goblin Town Weekly. And now let's kick it over to Goblin Town Zone, PDO-Elegist Ice Cream Sandwich with this week's forecast!
Thanks, Miller. Outside the rumbles in Macabreburg, where I'm freezing my balls off. I'm curly writing my name in the snow. It's so yellow, I'm tempted in making my beautiful snow angel right here.
Santa Edd Dragon has cut in all the condom heads building as McCoplinburgers under no management. If you're feeling real cold and need a little activity to heat up, you can lose your virginity for a delicious chicken-seize or wrap. Very tender.
Something. In unrelated notes, we are wrapping up this year with the global heating on the blockchain. As we go into the end of the year before, we see Teraluna at a hundred-degree loss. That's really hot. Sounds like you made your home at Goblin Town once and for all. Happy hot day.
holiday gobs back to you, Miller. Oh, Taring-Tai scream for that delicious bite of freezer bird. Now before we get canceled, we better run the ads. Run the ads. Run the ads. Run the ads. Run the ads. Run the ads.
When you find the right Trojan Connum for you, any place I love abandoned department stores is the right place. Here's a...
Now it's time to flip the script with our favorite intern, GaryPee on tonight's PMC!
Oh, sorry for not making it into the studio, Miller. Out here on the roadside after Lil' Axenit. Looks like they're loaning up the reindeer on the wagon and they're still removing Santa's little helpers from the grill of my truck. Hope you all will have a very Merry Christmas this week. Kiss the season to spend time with your loved ones and celebrate the spirit of friendship and giving.
One thing for sure, Christ and Santa Claus are not pumping your nearly worthless bags of digital collectibles. Go grab a bottle of brandy and some eggnog. It's time to harvest those losses for tax season. God evening, ladies and gentlemen, it's Gary P. here being silenced and entertained and colon affairs. Crypto's person of the year, Sandbank and Free
is being extradited to the United States to face the laundry list of criminal charges related to fraud and money laundering. This ironically comes as a surprise, no surprise because he's guilty as they come, and a surprise because he was one of the top donors to the Democratic Party and well-connected politicians in Washington. SBF will take the top spot this year for
when going goblin mode goes wrong. Elon Musk continues to fumble the Twitter bag, campaigning on a row map of free speech and a better user experience. Elon looks to be delivering about as well on his promises as the average NFT founder. While some much needed changes took place such as the cleaning up of bots and petos,
Elon took to fixing things that were never broken in the first place. Tons of ad, blue check marks becoming meaningless, no outside social media links, no parody accounts, no real-time journalism if it docks someone unintentionally, and absolutely no harming of Elon's ego. Just named some of the changes that I've made the overall user experience much worse.
Anyone's looking to rug the project and is currently on the hunt for a replacement CEO. Binance Fud was in high order last week. Rumors have insolvency loomed as CZ gave dodgy answers on a CNBC interview. Fud seemed to die down after Binance survived a huge wave of thralls. I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Please God,
All I want for Christmas is for funds to stay. The Donaldino Pumperino dropped his NFT collection last week, completely obliterating any previously held beliefs that NFTs are about to art. The collection was huge and pumped bigly before his boaters
finally figured out how the night of the opening looks like he still owes Adobe some money since several of the traits failed to remove the Adobe stock watermark image from their layers. And finally his Royal Majesty King Kong has changed his name to Quick Death as he seeks to lead the campaign to fight Goblin
in the wake of an increase of Galen Townfud, the king which is a quick death upon those who attempt to poison and destroy my Galen's, and he will know my name as King Kong when
I lay my vengeance upon thee. Now that's the holiday spirit. This is Gary P. here wishing you all a very Merry Christmas. Go outside to touch snow and be with your friends and family. Get the fuck off the internet. As always, stay garbage and stay beautiful you degenerate, FUX.
Thanks Gary, we can always count on you for scraping the from Monday. What's that? What do you mean Trojan pulled out?
out of his sponsorship. What do you tell him to be paying the day cap bills? I'm sorry about that. Run the ads, Matt the Pote. Run the ads.
With so many Trojan Godms to choose from. Look at all these condoms. Which one should we use? You're gonna want to try them all. Trojan Ultra Ribs. Trojan Her Pleasure Armor. Oh! Trojan G-Spot.
Goblin Town Weekly Part of the GTN Network
Now stay tuned for a special interview with GTN's own dad mod on tonight's edition of... Sirius Investor.
Good evening, this is Dadmawd and welcome to this week's edition of Sirius Investor.
I don't know about you all, but I'm still reeling about last episode's interview with Process Gray. Gray gave us insights on his artistic process, has shown us proof that more physical art pieces are coming, and he spilled the beans on a potential crocs partner.
I hope everyone was able to place their calls for that ticker. He also gave us insight on what a man or woman would really want when it comes to the size of their grumble. Or inches too small. 12 inches will just too damn big. 8 inches just right.
This week we have a unique guest with us in the Pudio, the former chief twit himself, Elon Musk. Elon, welcome to the show.
Yes, well, thank you for having me. So we realize we don't have a lot of time with you and we want to make the most of it. So we're going to jump right in. What was it like when you took over Tesla? It was actually fairly brutal. I was very interested in the company initially.
So, some great promise there. I believe family that a future in electric vehicles is going to be, you know, from humanity's perspective where we need to go. So, it was a natural opportunity for me, but it was at time where there were really quite strong
going quite hard with the process and the engineering and the placement and the financials. I just saw a great opportunity for someone like me to be able to step in and give them a different, maybe a brighter future, a pathway to make electronic and electric vehicles more of a success.
Well, that's quite fascinating. So the first model to come out during your ownership was the model list. Is that correct?
The second model was the X, is that correct?
And the third model was the Model 3, right? Yes, that was correct. And the last one was the Model Y. So if we jumbled those words together, it's Bell Sexy, doesn't it?
Yes, it does. We like that. Anywho, SpaceX seems to be doing well recently. Was it your time at SpaceX that emboldened you to pitch timelines that are completely unreasonable?
I don't necessarily believe in unreasonable timelines. I believe that they're just unreasonable people. So if you put a reasonable or what you all think is maybe a reasonable timeline in front of someone, what they're going to do is they're just going to just be lazy and not work hard enough to actually
achieve those goals in a timeframe that makes more sense, not only for the company or for the individual or for what the capable of, but also just for the the job at hand, the task that we're trying to complete. So when you look at reducing carbon emissions, if you look at the ability to your inhabitant
another planet. These are things that need to be done at a much faster pace. So if we don't make those time frames a very, a very big reach, then it doesn't really make sense. I'm not here to do those two small problems. I'm here to solve large problems in such a good pace.
You seem to be a big fan of polls.
I'm sorry, is there a question?
Are you a big fan of the fifth element? Maybe you've seen the movie? I'm actually a huge Bruce Willis fan, yes. Oh, because I thought it was more because of the, you know, well, the haircut. Yes, well, you know, we all make mistakes.
I have to ask the hard question.
You're the first person in history to be at the helm of three separate billion dollar businesses.
Does Kathy Woods blame you for the miserable returns of the arc fund? That's actually a really decent question, however, I have no comment.
All right, here we go. It's the last question for you, Janiteelon. If you were going to give one person a present and one person call, who would they be in what present am I getting? I don't think I've
have been asked that question before, that's, let me think, I would, well, actually, I don't think I'd give anyone a present, really. You know, presents are fun, they're shiny, they get kind of rather boring, you didn't have to work very hard for them, so they don't have a lot of value.
beyond those immediate instances of seeing something for, for, you know, that you didn't know or hadn't had any pre- you know, conceived notion on what it might be or something. Maybe you wouldn't give it yourself. I think a more interesting present, I think for other person would be to maybe get both people
people call. There's a lot more that you can do with that. It's a symbolic of an age that is, you know, given our fruits and our labours, it will be something of the past. And it will be a symbol of the time that we relied on on such a very basic element like carbon.
and remind us that there's a much better feature ahead of us. Well, that's a very reasonable and smarty pants answer for you. We go bleeders don't necessarily like too much on that. We very much enjoy the Instagram gratification of a present.
you do change your mind. You can just bring your present right here to the studio. You can leave it outside. You can come indoors. I'll give you my keys. You can have whatever you want to hear on seriously. But yes, so thank you so much for coming in today and having a very serious investor talk here with the Goblinos. Yes, no, this is
This was very interesting. Thank you for having me. It was truly our pleasure. And with that, don't take life too seriously, Goblinos. You'll never get out alive. This is Dadmon with this week's edition of Sirius Investor.
You know it wouldn't feel like Godness without Dad hanging the stockings would it? What a stuff for that was!
Elon must have taken a burp flaps maneuver. Now before we lose another one, why don't you play that funky music, John?
At the olive goblin nobody loves a hearty gobby pasta quite like we do. Welcome to the olive goblin and what can I get for you? Hi, I was looking at the gobby pasta lunch specials and I was thinking of ordering the insanity. I have to say this but I have not joined any shockingly low-offered puppet-done projects that were remain nameless. Look at the
And that comes with the unlimited soup salad and bread sticks, right? Yes, so for all the 6.99! And for your salad, we're gonna get it for you!
I'm having pasta lunch platter. Oh yes, that's the one with the- Wow, you guys are more meticulous than a original method. Go ahead and assume me. I have to practice all the longers. And I know why you're more like a god of f*ckin' friends. Freedom of speech. I mean, you guys won't think you've coming at me. I'll sue your businesses.
for a limited time only, order a Sieben-Tradabi pasta lunch special with unlimited soup salad and breadsticks for just 6.99.
a distraction while they're ruck you. Please follow me, thanks, and everyone. And if I can have that without the meat, so that it'd be great. (speaking in foreign language) - Try to do Gabby pasta lunch specials today. They're a mouthful, only at the Olive Gob Labyrinth.
All right, Gallows, now it's time for a tasty bite to wag your appetites.
From the fastest food critic in all the town, let's slide in between the buns with coal.
May we God miss, and welcome back to Between The Fun. As we head into the holidays and a new year, it seems everyone is running around like a grumple with their heads cut off, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.
Many are seeing the dollar's biggest bull run in 40 years may have finally come. To a screeching halt now that the world's last doves central bank, Japan, has relaxed its iron grip on long-term interest rates.
Quick to speed the cattle piss needed to wipe out the daughter and send our magic internet coins and J-bakes back to the moon? Perhaps. Or perhaps it is a sign of more global uncertainty and slowing ahead.
Yet, one thing is for sure, people began buying those shiny rocks immediately after this news. What did they call them again? Golden Silver, with Silver hitting its highest price of $24 since April.
Surely our JPEG should benefit, right? I guess we'll just have to wait and pee. Unfortunately, NFTs have yet to see any such benefits besides the Trump NFT that is. But who can be surprised
with the sheer quality of that art. Perhaps once these tax-loss harvesters have sold their bags for next and nothing, our poor J-Pigs will see the light in this new year. Here's the groping. I mean hoping.
I'd love to cover more, but I just got this chicken wrap from the newly reopened Macabre burger, and I can't wait to eat it! See you next year, between the finds!
Yo yo for Godness. If I wanted Ups and Downs I would have circled away. So I'll be, what's another year in the trenches, eh? Good thing these sponsors all live in Kaplan Town. Run the schlock, Johnny!
Well hello there, this is Ricka Burtflaps, founder and owner of Godmart, Goblin Town's favorite grocery store. We hear a Godmart know that town's a tough and that's why we want to hear from you, our loyal customers. Hey Ricky, everywhere I look, things cost more, but I
That's a great question friend. Let me remind you of God Mart. Until it's priceless at any cost.
Now at Godmought we believe in leading with generosity. Sometimes you may find a little something extra inside the goods from our world where now produce and meet departments. It's our way of saying thank you to you, our value customers.
I'm torn that bitch up. Is Cobbmark hiring by any chance? I will. For now, meat department is always looking for some fresh blood, uh, new hires to feel vacancy. Send your application in today. My boyfriend started working at the Cobbmark meat department two weeks ago. But I haven't seen them since.
Often times and someone godmart family I'm sure you're the book of the second sound and what's going on now? How the fuck are your prices so low? It doesn't make a corner see people cutting off. Oh, I'm afraid that's a
a trade secret friend, so come on down to Godmode, the lowest prices at any cost.
your brain pills pistols for the pride of your cerebral pudding. Let's jump on the couch with Dr. Grabbler. Hello everybody! My name is Dr. Grabbler, I'm 14 years old and I'm from Slogmitz.
So let's jump right into it. That's the first question. So we've asked a grappler. Oh, ha.
Ha, help! I'm addicted to social media. Are they long I scroll and read and watch videos of people I don't care about. Doing things that I think are idiotic. How can I break this habit? This is a fairly common question nowadays. You could go outside.
you could touch grass, you could touch snow, you could probably just like, it seems like a pretty ashamed of yourself, maybe you could lean into that a little bit more, or you could try to be addicted to something crazy or like porn or something, like have you ever been addicted to porn, or you could be addicted to drugs, there are so many
things that you could choose from. Okay, that's his report, what's his question now? What's the next question? Dear Dr. Dropper, I need some emergency advice. I smoked angel dust, woke up naked, covered in blood that wasn't mine, now my face
all over the news and the police are looking for me. What should I do? This state of paranoia can be very taxing on the human body. This sounds like you should run. I've definitely looked into trying to change your identity and look for
I don't know, some place that you can find some refuge from. This is not as much a therapy question, but it sounds like you committed a crime and you know, I wish you the best of luck. Okay, that's all the questions we have now. Don't bother me anymore, this has been On the couch with a dog that were a block.
Well nicely played, Doc! Where do I submit these letters? That is such a good question. You ask Miller. You can send them to Dr. Robler at gmail.com and make sure to spell it incorrectly. Is that the P-mail or the G-mail or not?
I don't know I don't forget to add some grease on this I keep sending them I said come to us to say happy tomorrow night of 9 o'clock Thank you so much tomorrow night. All right, Dr. Morrow night 9 o'clock you got it will be there. We can't do it without you. Okay. I got it back
Plaga problems that would give SBF a run for his carol and that's all I'm saying! Yeah, save up those problems! Thanks, Doc. Alright, Johnny Boy, let's catch that check, shall we? Sponsors, cheers! Previous!
What lies below the surface of my... -Rabbhuuuus! -A scent. -How are we shit? Both mysterious and intoxicating. -Rabbhuuuus! One woman's treasure is another man. -Rabbhuuuus!
Let's sling it over to the hostess with the hostess. AT&S mean we not know we seem to run a lot.
Good evening everyone. I'm Veronica Bonerstone and this is Winners and Losers. We're about three days away from one of the most exciting days of the year. Christmas. I will personally be filled with anticipation.
patient as my husband knows that he better have secured that brand new 2022 Mercedes-G wagon with the black and silver trim package. Oh, anyways, okay, this week's winners and losers list was sent in by Santa, the big man himself.
Let's see if you can guess the loser this week. Here are a couple hints. The project dropped recently. There are only a thousand items in the collection and it boasts a 10% creator fee. Here's another hint. The drop is unique shoes. If you can't guess by
Now you're never going to get it. Scotty Pippin dropped his first ever NFT collection with the help from Orange Pometh. That's right. The 6/8 small forward seemed to be a shuant. Seriously, I need new fucking writers. These puns are terrible. Seemed to be a shuant for success.
given his celebrity. Seriously, the guy showed up to the crypto NFT space six weeks ago, asking it to know everyone. If you thought that shit was genuine, then you, my friend, are a moron. A few weeks later, and who would have thought Scotty is dropping a DM NFT project?
Listen, I get it. You didn't make nearly as much money as you should have in the MBA. A lot of that has to do with poor contract management. But to come out here and pretend to be genuine, just a hyphen promote your digital shoe, JPEG. Dude, come on. Just how down bad are you? It's bad
Not the your Wikipedia page. Yup. The Scotty Pippin' Wikipedia page mentions wait for it's Michael Jordan in the first paragraph. No, it really does. Now go check out Michaels and that shit doesn't mention anyone else. So that's pretty bad. Can't get worse, right? Wrong.
Scottie, hey Scottie, I bet you looked at at Marcus Jordan for a long time like a son. You probably got him gifts for his birthday. He probably called you Uncle Scottie. What the hell did you do to lead Larissa straight into his arms? Okay, okay. I'll start
I thought I needed to go there because you, my friend, are phony. You came into this space pretending to care to learn about the ecosystem, the communities, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and somehow someone who knows nothing about NFTs just spins up a project in two months. Go find your supplemental income
elsewhere. Hey, you know, maybe Marcus needs his grass cut. Now that I'm all hot and bothered, we'll move into greener pastures with this week's winner. Let's see if you can guess this one. This week's winner dropped a collection of 45,000 NFTs. Okay, that was easy.
of course you guessed it. This week's winner is um hold on let me check here I'm looking to the fine print looking looking looking ah yes NFT I and T LLC first of all what the fuck might as well be Acme or some other cartoon
related company name. Regardless of what your position is on US politics, this group spun up 45,000 digital trading cards that you were able to purchase incredibly easy, with just an email address and a credit card. As that's things couldn't get worse, these super-adooshy trading cards depicting scenes of US history that
never took place but might have but didn't. But could have but you can't prove it didn't. Yes, these things are actually pumping. As soon as the floor price crested point 80s, I dropped kick my laptop into the grand canyon thinking why the hell are people
not selling at half an eighth let alone point eight. Then I realized something amazing. I imagine that the majority of these folks were new to NFTs. Oh wait, sorry, digital trading cards. And didn't know how to fucking sell. I quit
I was just a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused on the fact that I was a little bit more focused#
Here's my recommendation. If you find yourself right now holding either of tonight's features, take a few extra brain pills from Dr. Gobler because it can't fucking hurt. Until next time, this is Veronica Bonerstone, GTNCO with this week's episode of winners
and losers. Back to you Miller. You know Veronica, there was a time when my godness wish was to see you in the jaws of a make-believe mechanical head of carcassifers vegetable. But that was just beautiful. Those sentiments. I'm not
You are! Alright, now Gabby's grab a cup of the hot stuff and tuck in as I prepare to read you that classic old town tale. That's right.
It was the night before Gabbess, and all through the town, no consensus was stirring, not even one Dow, sorry HOD. The stockings were hung.
by the toilet with care, in the hopes that St. Prickless soon would be there. The goblins were nestled, all snugging their holes, while the visions of Grumplebums danced in their souls. Wireless in her turkey.
and ice and mucked caps, had just settled down for a crypto-winter's nap. When out near Macablan Burger there arose such a clatter. I sprang from my Twitter to see what was the matter. Away to the floor I flew with a flash.
tore up in the shitposts and threw up the trash. The bone on the breast of the new fallen bros gave a luster of green candles to price corrections below. When what to my laser-filled eyes should appear, but an old used Toyota.
and ten tiny red rears. With a shriveled old miner so lively and quick, will I knew in a moment it must be St. Prick. More rapid than but bats his corsets they came and he fought it any gurgled and he called them profane. On Mergen, on
On our gargour, bag-facers, all in alpha, On blue key, on stooog, on moorb, too-loaf, and blogger. To the top of the charts, so ready to fall, Now dash away, dash away, to zero, for all! As shit coins that before the wild bull market fly,
When they meet to a PFP rug to the sky, to the top of the signals with the whales they flew in a sleigh full of air drops and sink prickly stew. And then in a transaction I heard on the roof the doxing, the clawing of each little roof as I drew in my own
The weeb and was turning around, down the stink pipe St. Prickless came with a bound. He undressed all in green from his head to his foot, and his balls were all tarnished with ashes and soot. A bundle of seed phrases he had flung on his back and he looked like a rugger.
just opening his pack. His Satoshi's how they tingled, hashrates, how merry. His cheeks were like shakoynes, his nose like a fowy. His drool little mouth was drawn up in a node, and the token on his chin was as yellow as the snow.
dump of a spliff he held tight in his teeth and the smoke it encircled his head like some eith. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook with foe moe. Hold her, hold her, hold her. Like a bowl full of fur jelly. Hold her, hold her, hold her.
And on and plump, a right privatized elf, and I cropped when I saw him in spite of myself. A wink of his thigh and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had red candles to dread. He did not K.Y.C. but went straight to his proof of work.
and filled all the wallets with a target of jerk, and laying a ledger to the side of his nose, and giving a nod of the sting-pipe heroes, he sprang to his can't breathe, and to truth's team gave a whistle, and away they all
flew down bad as like a missile, but I heard him exclaim as he whizzed out my DMs. "Mary Cobb must to all, and to all, a G-N." That's all
for now, business. Thanks as always for tuning in from all of us here at GTN. We wish you a very Merry Godmas, ain't there right gang? Godknife! Merry Godmas, everybody! Merry Godmas!
song on a blue can I be happy new year Merry Christmas duck Merry Christmas
I'm gonna get a brain pill during the Christmas time. No. What? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Leave me cookies. No, I leave up my brain pills for Santa.