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SPEAKEASY 🥃 Free $Pepe Coin, NFT Marketing, & False Advertising
Recorded: May 5, 2023 Duration: 2:23:13Space Recording
Full Transcription
Amen.
I beat him.
No, you're dreaming now.
I beat him. You didn't say anything.
You're probably sleep deprived.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Is this how we're starting?
Starting with your live?
We'll have to double check the recording on that.
What we're doing, we'll start with your den of lies.
You're mouthful of sinful.
Your internet is rugging you or something.
You didn't hear me when I was talking all that time.
You taught me the word gaslighting and you're gaslighting me.
You gaslit me.
You are in a fever dream of baby diapers.
And so I understand.
I understand.
Halogen of the gas you lit.
Like you fucking lit the gaslighting and I can't even see it in the daytime.
It's so bright.
I thought the show started at 9 p.m.
Apparently the show starts like 1 in the morning during the part when the sun goes set.
Because it's fucking crazy here now.
With the lit gas that you did upon me.
We're cooking with gas right off the bat.
I do it all.
All the challenges.
I love how at this point in this program, you don't even back down from it.
I'm like, what?
The fuck is wrong with you?
Don't admit to that.
We have a goddamn business together.
Stop letting people put that on you.
It's America and you can't get canceled.
I won't let you get canceled.
It is a recorded space.
That's a fact.
Well, yeah.
We're recording it.
We're the ones fucking recording it and then doing what we share.
We're going to delete that part.
No one's going to hear that shit.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Absolutely not.
It was pre-audience.
But Tara's here already.
Jumping in.
Yeah.
We'll pay her off.
It's fine.
Problem solved.
Yeah, yeah.
Just take a note to the lawyers.
Might need a little bit of payout.
What episode's gone?
Out of here.
No way.
I'm going to take baby energy in this bitch.
I'm going to take notes again.
It's been a while since I took clip notes.
But I think today.
Yeah, you've been mostly unprofessional, slacking on your duties.
I haven't said anything because, frankly, we don't get paid.
So, you know, I'm not going to be the one to be like, oh, come on.
You're not working hard enough at our fake job.
But, you know, maybe we're not getting paid because you've been dogging it.
Have you thought about that?
Why am I putting up a world-class effort, champ?
I felt a little bad about, you know, leaving it on the rest of the team to pick up the slack on the notes for clips.
But here I am.
I'm how responsible I'm being.
Yeah.
And I do what I've always done, which is show up on time, beat you to the microphone, and then bring all the sexual magic to this program.
That's what makes it tunable, you know, is the sexual magic.
That buttery baritone.
People don't tune in for the jokes or whatever you think.
They tune in for the rock-hard erections.
I'm just passing out with my voice.
That's what happens.
Everybody.
Yeah.
Girls are in there fucking getting their fucking urethra hard to my music.
And then listen to this program.
Boom.
Boom-ba-da-boom.
Take that thing.
Yeah.
Lady called me the other day.
She was like, I'm listening to your sweet jam.
Stiffened up my urethra.
I was like, word.
Big ups.
Love it.
That is a rambunctious fan.
Yeah.
Then me and her went and had pepper steak.
Yeah, we went and had pepper steak because I'm a man of the people.
I might be.
Hold on.
This is just.
What happens when I take notes?
You're going to be honest.
I'm not even here for the people.
I'm here to talk to you about all the terrible things you've said about babies on this show.
That's why.
That's why I'm here.
I'm here to talk to you about that because you're a goddamn dickulous.
I've been listening back to this program.
By the way, they clipped the episode of me talking about my son's balls, which was great.
Oh, yeah.
That was excellent material.
Didn't even have to have notes for that.
That stood out on its own.
I'll tell you what happened this week because now it's going to just be fucking tuned into the speakeasy for more daddy stories with Kane Mayfield.
So my girl, apparently babies are like little fucking, they're a little hypochondriac.
You got to take them to adopt every 20 minutes.
I didn't know this.
No one told me this.
No one told me the amount of poops and no one told me that, oh, yeah, by the way, you might as well get your own fucking parking spot down at the old doctor's office because you're going to be there every 15 minutes because he has 90 appointments.
This nigga's like a fucking powerful business exec and I'm just a chauffeur.
I'm just like a fucking, I'm like the Hank for fucking Iron Man.
It's Tony Stark just chauffeuring this nigga around, making sure he makes it to his appointments and he shows up sleepy, hungover.
He's just doing whatever he wants to do.
And we get there.
And this is all my girl's idea.
You know, I don't, I don't go to the doctor.
I'm, I'm, I'm West Indian.
I'll just pour some Lima call on you, which I'm going to talk about Lima call in a minute, but I pour some Lima call on you and you're healed.
Like, I don't care what the problem is.
You're fucking healed.
So we're there.
Right.
And this lady comes in and don't, don't, her fucking hair is glued to her head.
There's a lot of stereotypes happening.
I did a couple of racisms myself.
Um, she walks in the room and she just doesn't have a positive Tuesday morning attitude.
And look, man, I'm not, you know, I'm not a dick.
I get it.
It's work for you, but I don't work here and it's a doctor's office.
So try to make me feel comfortable.
Cause I don't like this.
I don't like the way it makes me feel.
You come in here with your fucking baby daddy face.
You know, my baby daddy ain't shit face.
And you're looking at me who clearly is an amazing baby father, loving my baby, sitting here with my girl, doing amazing things.
And you're thinking to yourself, well, why do I have a piece of this man cake?
Why did I get some of this, some of this, this, this crumb cake to take home to my family?
Because fucking expensive.
Also, because I've already been betrothed to this one who already knows my fucking security passwords.
So, baby, I'm talking nice about you.
Don't throw gang signs.
You're holding my baby.
Don't, don't do that.
We're trying to keep out of a youth gang.
Have some goddamn class.
So we're fucking, so we're in the fucking thing.
It's her idea.
We're at the goddamn doctor's and she's got to keep me in line.
So fucking we're at the doctor's office and the lady comes in and she tries to violate this nigga.
Like immediately she fucking was like, yo, take his clothes off.
Like, yo, what?
Buy him a drink.
Fuck's your problem.
Like, he ain't no thought.
Like, treat him with some class and dignity.
Is this a date?
What are we doing?
And she's like, yo, take his pants off.
I'm like, yo, bro, you can't just, you just jump for the bajol.
You got to wine and dine.
This is a classy baby.
The fuck's wrong with you?
You don't see the fucking nice onesie I got on him?
It's a taco.
This nigga's dressed to the nines.
Treat him with some fucking decency.
So she goes right for the fucking, she goes right for the Hoggington.
So I think, right?
She doesn't.
Pulls out the fucking the mama, the Ram.
Tries to fucking go for the, tries to play boxy games with this nigga.
He ain't feeling it.
Off top, he ain't feeling it.
So what does he do?
Badoosh.
Like a skunk.
Drops a fucking crazy deuce.
Blow.
Right on her hand-dent thermometer.
I'm like, yo, this nigga's wildin'.
This is great.
And it got on her shirt.
It got on the cuff of her shirt.
Because it was like a pow.
Neck dial.
Because he blows it up.
It's my fucking boy.
Fight back.
Yeah, like a fucking, like a, like a frag grenade.
He was like, pow.
Like fucking Call of Duty.
This nigga doesn't play no games.
Immediately.
Off rip.
Skunk style.
Like, don't touch me.
I fucking blow shit up.
Like a goddamn terrorist.
And I was like, yo, this nigga is mad Al Jazeera in here.
I'm loving it.
I'm loving the energy.
She's tight because it got on her cuff.
Like, not the glove.
The cuff of her shirt.
The one she wore from home.
And I was like, that's what you get.
Then she's standing there like, I can't believe it got on me.
How did he do that?
Then she's sitting there talking hot.
So this nigga's like, yo, the firemind come out.
The fucking firemind.
Sprays her shit up like Griselda.
Pisses all over her fucking smock.
And I was like, bro, this nigga is a fucking legend.
What are we doing?
Get him a trophy.
100%.
100% your baby.
I'm about to put a little bit.
No switcheroo.
No mix up.
So she leaves, you know, trying to go clean up or whatever.
My girl's like, can you please stop embarrassing me?
I'm like, yo, mind your business.
First of all, my son is looking at me crazy.
So I'm picking him up.
Like, look at me.
And he's looking at me crazy.
And I'm like, fam, I didn't know she was going to try to violate you.
She's like, are you really talking to him right now?
I was like, yes, about you.
Your mother brought us here.
This ain't my idea, my nigga.
Look around.
Does this look like somewhere your father would bring you?
It's not.
Your mother wants to come here with these wild niggas who try to violate you off rip.
And what did you have to do?
You had to defend yourself.
But what did we learn today?
We learned that in a pressure situation, you respond like a goddamn champion.
You rise to the occasion.
And that's what makes you my son.
No cheek swab required.
Booyakasha.
Boom.
Nice.
Oh, I love it.
Right out the gate.
Proving his worth.
Holding it down.
Well, he has to, because I told him about you.
Spraying it out.
I told him about you, and you're talking about kids' genitals being tacos.
So this nigga has to learn how to defend it until he can walk and hold a knife.
You got to use what you got.
You know?
This household will be like a fucking, like a goddamn octagon for this kid.
I'm throwing him around, getting him ready to tussle.
Because this predator's afoot.
This is goddamn.
Uncle Easy's teachings.
Thanks.
Yeah, Uncle Touchy.
Creepy puzzle basement.
Hey, Double R's here.
What's up, handsome?
What happened?
What did I do?
You're horrible.
I'm horrible.
How am I horrible?
We got, we got.
Oh, you, you, you know it.
We got one on the stage.
He did it again.
See, he just tried to gaslight.
Racing the stage.
He's gaslight.
I'm gaslighting.
Remember white words?
This nigga just tried to, he's, it's a goddamn sun in the sky.
From all the gas that's lit.
From this nigga trying to gaslight me with his rubbish.
It's, it's the, it's the gas on chain that's got me down.
Dude, what the frick?
What, what you people?
I'm an admitted shot.
You got some goddamn nerve.
You was here before me.
Gas prices was on $0.10 when I got in.
I, I remember when, if gas was over $0.10, that was too much for me.
We're breaking my nickel back off for a nickel.
Okay, fuck.
Welcome to the future, my nigga.
But, yeah, no, it's, we've been through a few cycles.
I just, it's so frustrating.
I don't know.
Just, yeah, I bet.
Go hang out on Tez a little, maybe.
You'll get your dickle butts for cheap soon enough.
Yeah.
Indeed.
That's how we're rolling.
So what else did I want to tell you?
Um, so that happened.
What else happened?
Something else good happened this week.
I was going to get back to it.
I forgot.
Well, that was the, the, the hospital story.
That's solid.
We got, we got good, uh, you know, good values.
And, and the character is, is building strong there.
And the force is strong with this one.
I remember the thing that I was going to say.
I forgot what it was now.
But, yeah, we got an intervention in you.
I'm interventioning you.
And that was a thing.
It's very good.
We didn't bring our, our, our show notes from the meeting, from our, our, our meeting right
before the show.
My, my computer crashed.
So, uh, you know, I didn't have the notes on me, but you guys are still doing that, huh?
That's good.
I mean, it's, uh, I just show up like the talent, you know, I come in here.
I bring, uh, I bring the mirth and, um, and the lowering of the credit score.
That's what I bring to this, to this equation.
Double R.
How are you, sir?
Uh, what's going on?
What's going on?
How you guys been?
Yeah, abnormally tall for a man with that voice.
Oh, oh, yeah.
How's it going now?
It's going good.
What you guys been up to?
You guys are selling, you guys are selling NFTs on Amazon?
Am I doing what?
Are you guys selling NFTs on Amazon?
No, I'm also not selling my butthole.
I'm not selling my butthole on Backpage.
There's lots of shit we're not doing around here.
Like, I think you know the answer to these questions.
Did it go live?
I didn't even know that.
It's in the, uh, description.
Yeah.
I mean, most of these people are fucking doing, most of these people store their metadata there.
So it doesn't really matter.
However, no, I'm not selling NFTs on, on, on Amazon, nor am I selling them on Facebook.
We're all just, uh, just doing our thing, you know?
Same as always.
Having a blast.
Nor, nor am I buying them on, uh, known oranges.
Yeah, shout out to them, eBay.
Yeah, eBay, in the house.
Get your craft.
You know, how much the prostitution thing hasn't, hasn't dominated this already?
Like, for NFTs to be, like, based on eBay?
There's a staggering lack of, like, pornography.
No, it's there.
You just gotta look for it.
No, I'm sure it's there.
I'm saying it should be the whole conversation.
I'm surprised people have not been paying for it.
Put his back page on a blockchain?
Yeah, it's with, uh, Bitcoin, you know?
You know what I'm saying?
Why, why hasn't that happened yet?
There should be a special coin for that, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it's called, uh, come rocket.
I'm, I'm sure that would take off right now.
It did, no, it did.
There's, there's a coin called come rocket.
I remember.
Oh, there is a coin called come rocket.
Wait, so, so, so, so you're sleeping on sports coins?
Excuse me?
I'm not sleeping on anything like that.
That's named that, sir.
By the way, for the record, you walk into these things.
Just, I want you to hear yourself.
You say the things you say, and then you get surprised by the reaction.
You ask me if I'm sleeping on.
I'm not surprised by the reaction.
You ask me if I'm sleeping on spooge.
First of all, B, I don't even sleep at the wet spot.
Are you guys in Pepe?
I'm going sooner.
Are you guys in the Pepe tournament?
Yeah, I got some Pepe.
Yeah, you're all a bunch of junkies.
What?
Yeah, I didn't, I didn't get in in the first few days, so I was like, yeah.
I've seen things happen before, but I, but I see a lot of people, like, uh, talking about jumping in.
And I heard, like, I don't know, some tiktokers are, like, claiming they made a bunch of money or something.
So, you know, it might ride a few more days.
You can be exit liquidity.
Hold on, we're not driving past it.
You called them tiktokers?
Wait, I missed that.
You said some tiktokers or call it, call it what?
I said tiktokers.
Tiktokers, yeah.
Now, you definitely said tiktokers.
Getting rich.
Yeah.
I know a lot of people that made, they might be, made a lot of money off of it.
Thank you, Trashlights, for reminding me what the fuck I was talking about.
Yeah.
Uh, for one, we have to, that's going to be next week.
So now we have to intervention you on your transphobia.
Transphobia, all right?
You can't be calling people tiktokers, man.
It ain't 98.
You can't just, you can't just call people that.
If I can tamp down my fucking inflammatory statements, you can too, sir.
And free your mind.
First thing we got to do is cure you of the baby thing, because that's fucking bananas.
That was crap.
I went and re-listened that episode, and you clearly said it.
You are a vile creature of the night, like Spawn or Michael Jackson.
Now, you're talking about some fucking people tucking them, right?
And I understand.
You're part of the tuck.
You're, you're, you're, you're tucking tumble.
You, you bumble be it.
So, technically speaking, they can't cancel you, because you have tucked, and your parents
cross-stressed you.
So, it, actually, this could be like a honeypot, where we honeypot the, so, I have two definitions
of woke now, because I live in the world, and there's all kinds of people.
So, there's woke, like the leather brimless hat niggas, with the kente, that, that don't
get their girl Valentine's Day gifts, and then there's the, the liberal white people
who teach me new words, like Gaslight, which is fun.
Um, so, for you, right?
You can honeypot the white ones, and they're gonna come in, like, you are a fucking dress,
you're, we're gonna get, and then you'd be like, bam, cross-dressed, and I was bumblebeeing
And, in an, what, five episodes ago, you were literally selling that fucking mouth, what
that mouth do, on the street.
Chuckie Chee, you were cheesy-mouthing.
Remember?
I remember.
I don't feel your shit.
I remember everything that happens on this program.
You were cheesy-mouthing it, right?
In front of the fucking Arby's, or wherever you were, cheesing it up.
Not easy being cheesy.
Right?
So, you, you, cheddar teeth.
Ain't easy being cheesy.
Yeah.
Yeah, they call you old brioche gums.
You're killing it out.
Right?
You know, you're out there fucking doing the, doing the devil's work, and, and then they're
gonna, they're gonna try to fucking get you.
They're gonna try to do the roundup on you, and you're like, fradam, I'm a fucking, I'm a
minority.
I feel like what happened was, being a minority got kind of fucking sweet, and this capitalism
thing just seemed like it wasn't working, so niggas was like, yo, I gotta horn in on
some of this oppression, so niggas has gotta just make up shit, like, yo, I'm a, I got
allergies, nigga, I'm a, I'm discriminated against, and they're like, oh, yeah, yeah,
right, right this way, right this way, in front of the line, so it's good, but for
you, you know, you, you actually are a very strange man.
You're a Jewish Mormon, and your granddad was a hobo, you know, fucking riding the
rails, eating pork and beans in the open with a knife, doing wild shit, like, you're
already a crazy guy.
You know, you spend a lot of time out of the country, you come back in, you keister
things.
We talked about a lot on this program.
You are, in fact, the most oppressed person that should be oppressed that's not, that
I've ever met.
But, what I was gonna talk about before was my medicine.
So, it wasn't until, like, a year ago that I found out that Guyanese medicine is aftershave.
Yeah, let, let that sink in, stew that around in your fucking mind grapes.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna pin it.
There's a thing called Limacol, right?
And, Limacol, and it is...
Limacol is the Puerto Rican Vicks.
It's not Puerto Rican.
I mean, it's Haitian.
It's not Haitian either.
It is very Haitian.
I was just, I was just...
Oh, yeah?
Where's it?
It's Limacol.
We call it Limacol.
Where is it made?
Where is it made?
Well, I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, Ring Ting Ting, nigga.
It says right on that label, product of Guyana.
Then they say it in Spanish for all the Hispanolics who maybe don't know where it's coming
from and are pronouncing it wrong.
Hey, you're welcome.
That shit is medicine.
So, once again, the guy and these people have been pilfered by the other Caribs, taking
our things and claiming it's theirs.
Probably misspelling it on the label.
Not, not, you know, but sharks biting.
I just, I just put it in the comments.
So, Limacol, this shit is aftershave.
It's like, it's fucking aftershave.
They use it as fucking medicine.
If you have a fever, they rub Limacol on your chest and your forehead.
If you have a broken foot, they will put Limacol on it.
If you have an upset stomach, they will rub Limacol on your belly.
Name an illness.
So, basically, it's the, the, the tea tree, the tea tree oil of hippies.
No, tea tree oil is actually fucking medicine.
Nigga, this is aftershave.
I'm not, I'm not, like, I can't, put it this way.
If they were rubbing Old Spice on us, it would have more merit.
And the fucked up thing is, I believe in it.
I know, I learned about a year ago, I'm 41, by the way.
I learned a year ago that Limacol is aftershave, and I still believe in it and bought some for my baby.
And I put some on his forehead to bless him, like, it's fucking the water of Christ.
Yo, my girl was like, can I get some?
And I was like, no.
He gets some because he's a halfling.
And she was like, when you weren't here, I rubbed the Limacol on my head, and I feel great.
And I was like, I know you do.
See what I'm saying?
That shit invigorates you.
But it's really, it's just brute.
It's like Jovan Musk.
Nigga, it's, you know what I'm saying?
It's fucking aftershave.
They put cool water as, like, fever remedies.
It's gotta be some magical aftershave, though.
Honestly, bro, it really, really isn't.
I hate to say it that way, but it just isn't.
It's amazing what, you know, nostalgia and, what do they call it?
Crap, when a placebo, that works in there.
Yeah, but the placebo is like, hey, you're sick, take this pill.
Not, oh, yeah, you got the fucking, what you got, strep throat?
Hey, I'm gonna shoot some, I'm gonna squirt some Jovan Musk and some fucking Drakkar Noir on your goddamn lapel.
It's gonna fix you right up.
And that's what it is, bro.
It's crazy, but it makes me feel like things are gonna be okay.
So I know it works.
You know, I thought you would, I thought you would, at first I thought you was talking about cod liver oil.
No, limacol.
Wait, what, what the hell kind of oil?
I put it in the comments.
It's in the comments.
Not cod liver.
No, not cod liver oil.
Oh, cod liver.
That's just nasty.
Oh, that's, that, that's the Haitian version of what he's talking about.
Like, they'll, they'll make you ingest it, they'll rub it on you, everything is, it's horrible.
Just rub you down with the cod liver.
I put up top the whole West Indies list.
That's on there, too.
Oh, there's a West Indian remedy.
Okay, let's take a look here.
Let's see, uh, Roots Drink.
Yeah, that's bullshit.
That's like, um, beef patties from 7-Eleven.
You know, you gotta get your shit from a Rasta, which is rum in a barrel with weed soaking in it.
Real butch teeth.
And it's, it's, uh, it's, it's rough.
Vicks, yeah, Vicks.
Like, throw, like, a snake in there.
No, they're not doing voodoo, you racist.
They're, they're actually healing you with herbs and spices and liquor and reefer.
And listen, a little, a thimble of it will knock you the fuck out for a couple days.
But you'll wake up better.
It's facts.
My mother took it.
Shilling oil?
They got that shit in Web 3.
Like, Vicks, shilling oil's a Caribbean favorite.
The Deacon, never heard of it.
Lies.
That's how you say it.
Yeah, you gotta put the shilling oil on it.
You, you, you lube them up with shilling oil.
See, there you go.
This is why you end up in the predicaments you do, because already you're back to the Bati business.
So you're luping things up.
You're trying to get your wick wet.
You know, we're trying to make this a Christian show.
This show is for Judeo-Christian values.
And here you go, dragging us down to the depths of Beelzebub.
And I won't, I won't, I won't have it.
I won't stand for you cavorting with Mephistopolies and trying to ruin our fucking salvation.
We are good, upstanding pillars of the community, sir.
I'm not gonna have you.
I won't stand.
You went way too far when you burst through.
Supermarket cake was a turning point for our relationship.
Because you trashed something that I love wholeheartedly.
And I still have not forgiven you.
It'll never be the same.
I'm sorry, bro.
Because you, you know what it was?
It was the disgust in your voice as you talk about supermarket cake like it got cum in it.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
It's just cake with delicious blue icing to write your name on.
You're like, nah.
If your mother didn't make it, it's garbage.
Throw it in the trash with your trash mother.
And I'm like, yo, I don't want to throw my mom in the trash.
She's a wonderful lady.
Nah, she got supermarket cake.
She's a whore.
And I'm like, it's a terrible thing to say.
Anyway, cloves.
Cloves work.
Methylated.
Oh, yeah.
Rubbing alcohol.
Yeah, rubbing alcohols.
Nigga, I still pour that shit on my head fresh out the shower.
Nice work.
Top to your mouth.
Ginger.
Ginger's for everything.
Santa Pod.
Now, look.
Santa Pod.
Uh, Santa Pod.
For those of you unaccented people who don't have cumin in your spice rack.
Um, Santa Pod.
It looks like the little, you know, the little fucking wings that come off the trees.
It looks like a little spinner.
Yeah.
It looks like that.
But you boil it.
And it's from a certain bush.
You boil that shit.
And you drink it.
And you are going to shit like the president of Istanbul.
You are going to poop like the sultan of Dubai, nigga.
It's going to be coming out all in everything.
Shit you haven't eaten in years.
Flush it.
Uh, cod liver oil for the Haitians.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead, Easy.
Oh, I've heard of the Santa Pod.
But I've, I've never, uh, never used it or, or necessarily even really like seen it in
use.
But, uh, I'll take your word for it.
Oh, yeah.
You got to drink that shit.
Like, for real.
You got to drink that.
That's going to save your life, bro.
That's another, that's another, that's another big Guyanese one.
Other, other countries don't use that because they're islands.
You know, they have sand and palm trees, which means they have a better grasp of like mango
and shit.
But, you know, they have less anacondas and less bushes for centipod.
Uh, cod liver oil is a big one.
Anyone that's near the ocean is, is a cod liver oil person.
Uh, I know the Guyanese do it, but we didn't do it.
You know, my, my household wasn't big on the cod liver oil.
Limacol.
Described as the freshness of a breeze in a bottle.
Mentholated lotion.
Contains alcohol blended aromatic oils with a lime fragrance.
Limacol can be used as an after-save lotion, astringent, deodorant, and makeup remover.
It's a fucking, they rub that shit on your chest.
They rub it on bacon.
It's fucking for varnish stripping.
And they rub it on a child's back.
This is what's wrong with my people.
Onion and honey.
That sounds like strippers from Canarsie.
Yo, listen, that's the best decongestion you could ever have.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Well, I, I have one question.
How come so far, these of all, uh, you know, had their description.
Limacol is the only one that was, you know, had like the lofty description of, uh, you know,
the clear blue sky and breezy.
Yeah, right before it said the fucking after-save lotion.
Right, but I'm just wondering, you know, who put the list together, seems a little biased.
Biased?
Nigga, they're giving us cool water.
They're treating your fever with obsession for men.
What the fuck are you talking about?
How is, how is this, if anything, it's biased to my people.
Making us seem like fucking crazy snake handlers or some shit.
Please continue.
I don't want to continue.
I want this to stop.
I want, I want something to happen.
They're fucking giving us Aramaeus and saying, hey, this is your fucking piss.
This is, this is going to treat polio.
It won't.
This is what happens when they want shit from your country.
They fucking, they spread fucking falsehood narratives.
They got a lot of bauxite and oil.
Here, oh, medicine?
Nah, you don't need medicine.
Here's some fucking Estee Lauder, nigga.
Put that shit on your children.
You'll be great.
You smell wonderful.
It's like a fucking island breeze.
The fuck?
That's not fair.
And we don't even, we're not even an island.
Is it not ironic to you that the one country in the Caribbean that's not an island, the
fake medicine they gave us is supposed to make you smell like an island breeze?
You gotta stay woke, yo.
You fucking, you know what I'm saying?
Woke.
That's too good.
You gotta stay black woke.
Not the other kind.
Not like Fox News woke.
Them niggas is weird.
Don't be like them woke.
Be like the regular.
So when niggas is like, where all my island niggas at, y'all niggas stay quiet, huh?
Well, no.
We cheer because we have a parade truck.
We have a truck.
For those of you.
You got a truck on Eastern Parkway.
You got a truck on Eastern Parkway.
You're good, right?
Yeah.
If you have a truck on Eastern Parkway.
See, the West Indian Day Parade happens in New York and Brooklyn.
And if you have a truck on that parkway, you count as West Indian.
And even if you're not an island, you count.
Hey, maybe you don't speak English, Haiti.
You still count.
You know?
You're in.
I tell you, you're not on that fucking, on that goddamn fucking Puerto Rico.
They are not in the West.
They're not, right?
No, they're not.
They got their own parade.
No, they're not.
Hey, who else ain't in there?
Dominicans.
That's not true.
Dominicans got a truck on Eastern Parkway?
They be out there.
No, they're there.
Of course, there's nothing else to do.
But I'm saying.
Yeah, they be out there.
Yeah, but they got a truck, though.
They don't got a truck.
I can't remember.
I don't know.
Dominicans don't got a truck.
No, right?
Yeah.
Not for Juve.
Yeah, you're right.
Let's see.
Haitians have a truck.
Cuba either?
Cuba neither, huh?
Nah.
Not that I ever remember.
Spanish?
That don't make no damn sense.
That is racism.
Panamanians.
That is racism.
Why are you not keeping the bad people?
No, Panamanians count because they speak English.
They're black.
Because they're black.
No, they speak Spanish, too.
They speak Spanish, too.
They speak black as fuck.
That's why they count.
Yeah, but they also speak weird Spanish.
What weird Spanish?
They speak Spanish.
What?
Panamanians speak Spanish, bro.
Yeah, but it's like...
What the fuck are you talking about?
It's like everything's like that.
Grease.
Nah.
You wild.
You wild.
You talking about Grease.
Talk at that voice.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
You wild ass nigga.
Yeah, it's good.
But listen.
If you don't have a truck, you don't count.
Guyana has a truck.
We count.
Little third tier West Indian countries do not have a truck.
St. Kitts ain't got no truck.
No truck for Nevis, huh?
I don't know.
I haven't been in a few years.
They might have a truck.
Oh, shit.
But yeah, that's why we count.
That's why we have to stand up for the oppression of my people.
They're giving niggas fucking brute and calling it fucking Pfizer.
That's not the same thing.
Where's our fucking fundraiser?
Ridiculous.
Anyway, so easy.
How's your week been?
Everyone's been shit coining.
How have you been doing?
Doing pretty good.
Everyone's been shit coining but me.
No, no.
I've heard from a couple people.
They're like, oh, I'm just going to maybe get like 50 bucks worth or something.
And then you go, okay, well, you know, gas, 30 bucks in, probably 30 bucks out.
So you got to double your money just to have the same funds anyways.
And I don't know.
I mean, I'm just, I was seeing so many of these that it doesn't, you know, excite me.
Well, you've been here before, buddy.
You've been here before.
You know what it's about.
They're not going to slick you with their trickery.
I'm not shit coining either.
They're not going to trick you with their slickery or slick you with their trickery.
It's not going to happen to you.
Don't slick me with your trickery.
I won't be your exit.
Oh, we're not going to be doing any of that.
That's just not going to happen today, sir.
I don't know what I was there for.
James Cousin Sharmila slinging Bush at the board.
This is pure racism.
And yeah, I would drink all of that.
That's, that's ridiculous.
That's utter racism.
I thought y'all were going to talk about Amazon and NFTs or some shit.
That's what this room is about.
It's not.
Listen to speaking.
No, that's, that's just what the, uh, the, the, the.
Just to get your hype beats in here.
Just to get your, you know.
It's click bait.
Chaz, you should know better.
Yeah, we can, we can cover that.
Amazon selling NFTs is a heap of shite.
And you're welcome to waste your time there.
Chaz, I can sell my NFTs on Amazon now?
Oh my God.
I can show to the world.
You would think, you would think quantum variant would know.
You don't really raise your hand in the speakeasy.
You know, you, you, you throw down your glass.
Oh, well, because it's, it's Jessica.
That's why, um, I'm on stage, but I have Joe's phone because tonight we're actually at
a physical speakeasy in the Lower East Side.
Are you both together swapping phones like a girlfriend?
Yeah.
So I left him at the table and I came back here because it's too loud out there, but
we were talking to a person that hosts a morning room about the speakeasy and how he should
come into the space and open the phone and we see speakeasies on.
So we both wanted to come and just say hi for a moment.
Yeah, absolutely.
And two speakeasies going on.
You want him to hear me?
Love it.
What's that?
Can he hear me?
No, but he can go back and listen to the recording.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When you guys are done, why don't you braid each other's hair?
Since you're both laying on your belly like girlfriends chit-chatting on the phone.
Fucking ridiculous.
Why don't you get your ass kicked?
You're too good for us.
You're too good to come back.
I'm going to, don't worry.
I'm going to be home soon.
I don't drink.
So I'm having a mockdown.
You're too good to come on stage during the speakeasy.
But you're not going to, you're going to send Jessica in here with your phone for all
these antics and this rabble rousing.
You're rambling all the rousing, rousing it up.
And I rebuke it.
I rebuke it in the name of the Lord.
Which this show is now getting into because this show has just gone Christian Judeo values.
How you like that?
About to get all that red hat money.
Go fuck yourself.
Bang.
What's cracking?
He's trying, he's, he's trying to get around the never having come on stage before.
Now I'm by, you know.
At this point, I think he might be worried, like, what did she do with my phone?
Because I walked into a completely different place that he doesn't know where I am.
And I got his phone.
But anyways, I'll, I'll get off the stage.
I just want to say hi because all my favorite people are in here.
And I was promoting Speakeasy in a speakeasy and telling everyone that they should follow the show.
Well, they definitely gotta love it.
It's a goddamn epic program.
The title has changed.
For those of you who are still keeping up, the title has changed.
And that's going to 100% do it.
I think it's going to bring us over the top and get us to the, the illustrious level that we deserve.
Because we have only the most illustrious guests.
Even when Quantum Variant won't speak to us because he's a, he's a condescending elitist who looks down at us.
From his throne of imperialism.
Imperializing us with his bigotries.
Yeah.
See that?
With all that.
Boom.
Love, love to have tuning in to the speakeasy from a speakeasy.
That's, that's just a great moment.
I thought they're flexing on us.
Is that a flex?
They're flexing, right?
They're flexing on us.
Definitely a flex.
I think it was a bit of a flex.
But, but I also, you know, I feel flexed upon, but in a good way, I don't know.
Yeah.
That, that, that sounded unsavory.
Somebody flexed on you in a good way?
I'm, yeah.
I'm going back.
This is what happens when I try and take notes.
Yeah, that's when they tighten, that's when they tighten that root up.
Yeah.
Flexing the neck.
You know?
When they show the neck off.
Is that root chakra shit you're talking about?
When they flexing the neck.
When they, when they, when they wear the low rise jeans and you see the root, you see the
top of the root.
And they're clenching.
They, they, they, they do the male, they're Keegan-ing it up.
You know what I mean?
Doing some bag lifts.
You know, you know how, you know how it goes.
Gotta do some bag lifts sometimes.
It keeps you from getting colon cancer.
Do some bag lifts, you know?
Show the root off.
It's my house.
I don't gotta wear pants if I don't want you.
Stay healthy, man.
Gotta stay healthy.
Yeah.
Stay, and stay thirsty, my friends.
Strong root.
Hey, yo.
Hey, yo.
Ah, yeah.
I love this fucking show.
This is the best part of my week.
I get to have fun here.
Oh, Nifty Q's here and Gift Dead, and they're just gonna sit there and pretend they're listening.
But it's fun.
DJ Bouman.
DJ Scratch and Sniff, how are you, sir?
Foxy Yoga in his house.
Jacob Gooden.
You never tune in.
I don't know what the hell you're doing here, but come on up.
And I have questions for you, actually.
I want to know what it's like to have to sift through this nonsense afterwards when Easy doesn't give you notes.
And there's someone called The Creep.
That's terrifying.
Yeah, anywho.
So, yeah, this is the Speakeasy where we have a good time.
What if I fucking shop?
I gotta get a shout-out?
I'm on the stage.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna rub your fucking lid.
I'm gonna rub your fucking lid.
He's, like, paying attention to them.
What a major overlook.
That was uncalled for.
No, it's not.
Natalie and Lowery, I didn't shout them out, neither.
I don't give a shit.
I don't give a shit.
Almost every fucking day.
The fuck out.
I only shouted out the host because I'm trying to figure out a way for this show to get fucking paid and upgrade our craft services table.
So, shouts to Gift, Dead, and Nifty Q for showing up and pretending to listen.
And I've actually never said anything bad about them.
I'm the only one.
Fun Uncle implied that they pay him in mouth stuff.
Easy said they pay him or he pays them in butt.
I don't know.
It was crazy, but it was dusty.
It was wicked.
Bad, wicked.
It was, like, episode 30.
It was bad, though.
It was real bad.
I ain't gonna repeat it.
It was gross.
I'm the only one that has not somehow alluded to fornicating these two gentlemen.
And I would think that at least that would get me a tip.
Pause.
Not like, you know, you know, some mushroom stamping.
I'm talking about, like, you know, sending some do-re-mi my way because I'm the only one not talking about trying to fuck on you.
You know, out of all the people in your employ, I'm probably one of the best ones you got.
Not in terms of, like, attendance.
Definitely not attendance.
Certainly not attendance because I will call off like you're paying me, and you're not.
But I call off like you are, which is great.
I give you, like, a, hey, guys, I'm kind of sick, not going to make it.
And I'm not.
I'm not sick.
I'm just doing stuff.
Who's trying to get up here?
Fiat Fire.
Oh, boy.
What's going on?
Anywho.
Yeah, so, yeah, but I'm the only one not talking about trying to make sexy time on you,
and I feel like that should count for something.
You know, a little monetary ching-ching coming my way.
Fiat Fire, what's up?
Hey, I'm driving through the tunnel, but I just wanted to quickly give out this PSA.
Hold on.
When you say you're driving through the tunnel, is that a euphemism?
Well, as I'm about to enter,
it just reminded me that-
You're shoving the kids back in the pool?
No, no, no.
That Old Spice cures crabs.
Old Spice cures crabs.
Okay.
I don't even want to know how he knows that.
Like, scientifically, a friend told me.
A friend told me.
Did your friend-
Yeah, we-
Did your friend or dad drive a van?
Are you that friend?
No, no.
Did your friend or dad drive a van?
I'm going into the tunnel.
Who was it?
I know.
Oh, now he don't got signal.
Now you're about to shove it up.
Yeah.
Sure, sure.
That thing is about to spice up and shove it down.
I get it.
But I'm saying, that sounds like 70s nasty nigga logic.
Like, all you got to do is just burn it out with some spice, and then you're good to go.
See, I-
Because crabs is one of those things that-
It's the-
It's the shameful, like, misdemeanor of STDs.
It's not-
It's not nothing.
Let's be very fucking clear.
Crabs is not nothing.
Misdemeanor?
Yo, if you went out with some chicks-
Hold on.
And the next day, you woke up with crabs, that's a misdemeanor?
It's a misdemeanor.
Um, what if you-
On the grand scale, absolutely.
On the-
Of what it could be?
Yeah, 100%.
It's all bad.
What you-
It's all bad.
Listen, listen, Puritan Paul.
Some of us is out here fucking.
So, you know, we're rolling our dice sometimes.
Sometimes, you know-
Listen, if I got a dirty pistol and a sock for the crack,
I just got a speeding ticket.
That's a good night.
Fuck you.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know what world you're living in.
If they popped the trunk, we was all going to jail forever.
They didn't.
They let us go.
The Lord was with us.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about, I got some crabs.
The condom didn't break.
She had herpes.
Could have been bad.
But here I am, to this day, still herp-free.
Not a cold sore.
Let me inform you.
If you got the crabs, the same place that there was herpes, you got the herpes too.
That's not true.
That is very true.
If the herpes are herping-
You can get herpes without penetrating.
Hold on.
But that's only if the herpes are herping.
If the herpes are not herping-
If the herpes are herping, you're catching herpes.
But if the herpes ain't herping, you can duck-
If the herpes ain't herping, you ain't catching herpes anyway.
What the fuck are you talking about?
If the herpes ain't currently herped out, you can duck that bullet.
If the herpes is greasy, you might have done that.
But if they're not, you're good.
But if she got crabs, they're probably greasy.
Fam, I'm letting you know, it's not a problem.
So you're playing all this weird, like, what might happen.
I'm telling you, the herpes was there, right?
The herpes was present.
If the herpes is visible, it's catchable.
The herpes wasn't visible.
The herpes was just present in the firmament, right?
But the crab is plentiful.
If it's active, flaring up, nigga, it's bad.
But it's not active.
The whole point of the place wasn't active.
The dumpster's on fire.
Get out the dumpster, it's on fire.
Let's just back up.
I'm not getting out the dumpster.
This is a real story.
This really happened.
I was a gross little nigga.
She had a big ass.
I had never seen no ass that big in my life.
It was the biggest, whitest ass I ever seen.
It was incredible.
It made no sense.
That was the kind of shit that people be buying now.
It was one of them zero waste, big asses.
She was literally one of them BBLs, but a real one.
Built like a fucking freshly pulled tooth.
And dumb as a fucking sack of hammers.
It was right up my alley.
I was like 17.
Made no sense.
I was like, this is great.
I think where you got us is when you said the herps were present, but it got confusing
because they weren't herping, but they were in the atmosphere or something.
You got the herp.
You got that forever.
That's a life sentence, man.
The herps ain't got to be herping.
They're in the firmament.
You placed them in the firmament.
They're in the firmament.
You know what I'm saying?
The herps is in the firmament.
That's a bad plan.
I mean, if I know about the herps and the firmament, that's like a phosphorus in the
atmosphere.
I don't want to land my plane there.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm like, oh, divert the rocket ship because this is inhospitable.
You know, because now you learn.
It's like, hey, man, you only got one fucking space suit out here, which is, I guess, your
dick skin for the same analogy.
So you got one fucking space suit.
You're flying through fucking space.
You can't be out here just landing on a phosphorus planet because you're bored.
Like, fam, you got to show some goddamn restraint.
Like, I learned that with time.
But as a young man, you're rambunctious.
I'm out here fucking trying to, you know what I'm saying?
Trying to get my wick wet.
And again, I will reiterate for the purpose of this analogy and real life story reenactment,
it was the biggest ass I've ever seen, white or black.
It was big white ass.
So it was like a big white ass unicorn just galloping through my young horny existence.
And again, I will reiterate, dumb as a sack of fucking, a sack of fucking hammers.
A satchel of hammers.
Just, just really, like, really, like, a senior taking freshman math.
Like, really dumb.
Like, really dumb.
And at the time, that was like the, that was a pheromone for me, the stupider you were.
Because I was like, wow, you don't believe all this shit, I'm going to say.
So, you know, it was good.
But, and, you know, I found out later.
I didn't know up front.
I found out later the herps are herping.
Herps wasn't herped out then.
But the herps were in the firmament.
And I ducked the bullet.
However, even with, you know what I'm saying, the encapsulation upon my space suit, I still,
you know what I'm saying, when the fucking, when the Klingons attack, they'll take them
niggas and get you.
So, the crabs is bad.
Crabs is bad.
Crabs are not good.
But they are certainly a far cry from a far worse existence of not being able to get a sip
of niggas' cola.
Or ever, ever, ever, ever share a blunt.
Never, never, never, never.
Yeah, those people are bad.
I've seen those people.
And, you know, they, there are some who feel they should have to go to different nightclubs
than the rest of us.
Now, I'm not one of them.
There are some extremists out there.
I may have said that once upon a time.
But I'm just saying, I'm trying to be nice these days.
You know, sometimes we just want to pass a blunt without worrying about it.
And niggas think just because the shit's just in your firmament, and it ain't just out
there for you.
Let's dead that.
Let's dead that.
Don't pass your joints.
Roll your own.
Everybody should be grown up enough.
The shit is legal now.
Hey, fall back.
No sharing fucking joints.
Stop it.
No blunts, no joints, no pipes.
None of that shit.
Yeah.
Weed's a communal thing for some people, though.
Man, it is communal.
We can all smoke at the same time.
Hell nah.
No, we can smoke at the same time, in the same place, together, communally, but we
don't got to be putting our mouths in the same places.
Yeah.
Roll your own shit.
I like that.
I like that.
Y'all be eating anybody's pussy in fucking crypto.
These niggas eat us like groceries.
Y'all be eating ass.
I'm cool, bro.
I'm cool.
I'm not supposed to.
I heard stories.
I'm cool, fam.
Nah, I'm good.
I'm good.
Niggas got fecal matter on their fucking mouths.
I'm straight.
Not at the moment.
Well.
Usually.
Wait, you sat with a nigga who's fresh from butt munching?
I don't know.
And I'm not trying to find out.
This is my point.
You never know.
You don't know who the fuck is doing that shit.
That's a hell of a joke.
You don't know who the fuck is doing that shit.
Because these bitches is all damn sure bragging, and they're not talking.
So it's somebody doing this shit.
Somebody is.
Well, they ain't talking to y'all.
These loose-lipped fucking hoochies in the space.
They sure do be talking.
That's why.
I mean, I don't smoke like that, but I ain't sharing no glass of water with y'all.
I'm not sharing no.
I'm not even giving you a piece of my gum and shit.
You don't give me shit.
Oh, so you're afraid of something jumping on your hand like the Venom monster from Spider-Man.
I'm a germaphobe.
You're afraid of the ooze, like Ninja Turtles.
I want to be a bubble boy when I grow up.
Well, the secret to the ooze is don't let it get on you.
Because that shit will turn you into a Rocksteady or a Bebop immediately.
Y'all got crabs and lobsters and roaches on your fucking balls and your pussy.
Yeah, Rock Robster.
But I will tell you this.
When I realized it was crabs, I freaked the fuck out.
Because I was itching.
But, you know, you're a kid.
I play sports.
Eh, you know, you're going to itch sometimes.
And then I felt it.
I was like, oh, shit.
Wait a minute.
We got roaches?
We ain't supposed to have roaches.
It's a clean house.
I vacuum every goddamn Sunday.
This is ridiculous.
How the fuck do we get roaches in here?
And then I saw it.
And it jumped.
And then it escaped.
And I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me.
And I went and had to shave everything.
And they burrow.
It's a whole fucking.
It's a bumpy bump village, bro.
It's not cool.
It is not cool.
And I realized I was like, oh, shit.
That bitch gave me herpes.
Not herpes.
What you call fucking crabs.
And then I was like, yo, I think she gave me crabs.
And someone said, man, you lucky.
I said, what the fuck do you mean?
Because she's like, yeah.
You want me with the big ass?
Oh, yeah.
Anybody fucking.
I was like, really?
No, it was just me.
He's like, yeah, you wouldn't think something like that.
But no.
No, no, no, no, no.
It was everybody.
I was like, oh, OK.
Yeah.
She probably caught him on the res, which was racist to say that the people on the Indian
Reservation had crabs.
I don't believe that.
They're nice people.
However, she did spend an awful lot of time there.
And she, again, it's, yeah.
So point is, the crabs were terrible.
But you got to shave it up.
Now I'm shaving it up for Lent.
And you got to get the special lotion.
But again, it goes away.
Then you're all Goodingtons.
However.
You didn't just limacol it?
I tried to rub and alcohol it.
And realized immediately the error of that.
But I think it worked.
I feel like it worked.
You should have tried the limacol.
It burns.
It works, right?
I can't even imagine.
Let me tell you something, bro.
I was not thinking of making my dick smell like an island breeze at that particular moment
in time.
Plus, that's for fevers.
It's the sort of fever.
But not the fever that limacol is going to fix.
And limacol can fix anything.
But I wasn't sure it could fix that.
If I had known, I would have fucking splish splashed it all around.
But then you got to answer to your mother, why there's no more, why there's half a bottle
of limacol missing?
Because limacol lasts a long time, you know?
Limacol is not like, it's like, it's like all spice.
The shit just, well past whatever the expiration date is, that shit will still be very, very
visible in the house and of active use.
But it doesn't go down, because you're only, you know, you're not splishy splashing.
And I've never seen anyone splish splash limacol.
It's to be guarded and used sparingly.
Yeah, well, lucky you're not a Latino, because then you would have vixed your dick, and then
you would definitely have a problem.
I feel like the vix might have worked.
Let's check.
Let's take a look.
Yo, listen.
Vix on the bottom of your feet with some socks on?
That shit is like, man, that shit is like chemotherapy.
Well, didn't we get here because somebody was trying to fix their crabs with the Old
Spice or something?
Yeah, you ever seen My Fat Greek Wedding?
You could have been Windexing yourself this whole time, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, yeah, bigging it up.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, there's no, what is it?
No, no streaks.
Hold on.
I do believe that vix would work.
Pause for the signs.
I told you.
Yeah, vix would work.
But you, but see, here's the thing.
You got a heavy vix, though.
You can't just like, you know what I'm saying?
You can't just little dabble, do you?
I'm talking two fingers in the jaw with the swirl, getting the sides.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to really, this is a, you're not, you're scooping at this point.
This is a scoop of vix.
And listen, I'm telling you, because I, for someone who, I respect vix.
I'm not going to sit here and talk like a nigga who don't, I respect, you know, I'm Guyanese.
Yeah, we got a lima call.
But best believe we respect vix.
We are, it's like, um, like Jews with, with Jesus, you know, or Muslims with Jesus.
I respect, I respect all the prophets, all the ones that came before, all the ones that came.
I respect the prophets, B.
I respect vix.
I respect Sanupad.
I respect, I respect the fucking Holy Trinity.
So you don't just go double finger in the, in the vix with the swirl.
You're wilding at that point.
What you got?
You got cancer?
Like, what are you, what are you trying to cure with that much vix?
Like, that's like, I miss my chemo and I just need to hold over for a couple of weeks.
Double finger scoop with the swirl, rub it on the chest so the cancerous spot, you got
a good holdover right there because the vix will do it.
The vix will do it.
And, and, and sip a, and sip of a fish tea broth.
That'll, you know, just to make sure from the inside it's working as well, you need a
tandem, the tandem action for your, for your enrichment and fortification.
However, if you do it, if you do the double finger scoop with the swirl on the vix, and I'm
talking, you got to cake it.
You got to cake it up.
Like, um, like you're about the age of beef steak.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to cake.
Like you're about the age of steak.
You got to get a cake.
You got to do a full cake.
And I'm imagining you ain't going nowhere.
So, and again, you're Spanishes.
You like to wear very complicated underwear, undergarments and silks and shit.
Like there's going to be none of that.
So you're going to have to win it and pull it probably for a good 72 hours.
What I'm talking to hard pack vix, I mean, with re, with reapplications, you're going
back to the well just to make sure that anything in there is going to have to suffocate in
the cloud of, of eucalyptus, uh, of fortification.
You have to reinvigorate your dick skin with vix.
That's what I'm saying.
You get the best medical and financial advice here in the speaking.
Yeah.
I haven't done medical advice in a while.
I feel like we've been slacking.
We've been letting the community down.
Good.
Good to bring it back.
I love if someone.
Cover.
Pepe coin.
It's how we do it.
Yeah.
It's good.
Good.
Good to cover.
Good to cover all the spectrums.
Um, medical advice, the deep science, uh, of course, financial advice, uh, relationship
advice.
We, we haven't done that for a while.
And, uh, you know, of course, uh, the, um, ultra lowdown on all conspiracy theories.
So we cover it all.
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
Yeah.
Got to get it.
And we'll swap out the relationship advice right now for the, for the baby advice.
Cause I'm in the midst of that.
So, you know, baby advice is like relationship advice if it went well.
So we gave you the, just imagine we gave you relationship advice.
It worked as always.
Cause you know, 99% we're fucking killing it in the fields here.
We're like from the, from the arc is he's a legend with his relationship advice and I'm
no slouch.
So we're fucking crushing it on this program.
So if you took any of the aforementioned relationship advice, you already got somebody
pregnant, like that's why, yes, that's why you should be back.
You should be back here to celebrate the fact that you are, you know, you are your significant
another knocked all the way to fuck up, you know, your progeny is on its way and you're
looking for some clues on what to do next.
That's what happens when you take our relationship advice, you're out there frothed up, right?
Getting everyone else frothed up and with froth, make foam and with foam, make, you know,
boom, boom.
Next thing you know, you got to buy the pampers.
So yeah, we're, we're, we're just on the part two of the relationship advice.
As far as I see it easy.
How do you feel?
I think that's, that, that is a perfect evolution, um, of the speakeasy right there.
Yeah.
We brought you through.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You get them, you get them through the hardships.
Uh, they get frothy.
Uh, you know, we, we haven't had our sponsor for a little while.
Um, you know, there was some, some pretty, pretty nasty legal issues and a few kidnappings.
Um, we're trying to, trying to work that out.
Uh, you know, maybe we'll go with blue shoes.
I'll be very honest.
I personally had no problem with Dr.
Enrique shockwave was miracle vitality powder.
Let's be clear.
It's fuck powder.
You fucking, you, you, you consume some of it.
You, you stiffen up like a, like a British upper lip and then you go out there and you
do fucking damage like a real cocksman.
However, y'all people want to be slipping the shit to people in nightclubs and having
all kinds of extracurricular fun with it.
Oh man, let me give it.
I'm a, I'm a lady.
Let me try it.
Well, now you walk around with that fucking clitoris hard.
You know what I'm saying?
That's not my problem.
It's your problem.
If your genes feel weird, that's not on you, bro.
No one told you to take the fuck powder.
Enrique shockwave ain't responsible.
Whirland Dervish didn't do it.
He's just there to do a couple of quick bites, do his job, get the fuck on to the next house.
This man has a goddamn schedule to keep, you know?
So we're, we're just trying to be the emissaries of, of, of, of, of happy lovemaking.
You know, you guys are out there getting all horny, not knowing where to stick with what,
you know, stick which where.
So here we are just telling you, you know, Dr. Enrique shockwave, we're going to fall
back on that for a little bit, but best believe he'll be back because a decent part of every
good apothecary bag is some limacol, some Vicks, and some Dr. Enrique shockwave's miracle
vitality power now available in chewable form.
Crush it up and sniff it.
If you like.
Take that shit right to the snoot.
Hey, Jaden's here.
That has to be interesting.
Hey, Jaden, you've never been to my Thursday show.
Welcome to the madhouse.
I love it.
When people come in here for the first time and they, they, they expect, uh, you know,
like seriousness.
No, no, no.
This is, this is, this is the speakeasy.
This originally started as the let's get canceled show.
And now it's evolved into, uh, sexual advice.
You missed all the sexual advice.
Jaden, uh, the Puerto Rican cure for crabs, which, uh, Monta, uh, one got beats, uh, was
so happy to give us, which apparently is just cake, your genitals and Vicks 72 hours.
We need to pull in it and you're all to the, yeah, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
encapsulate your fucking flesh in the, in the, in the mental illness.
Don't you live in Australia or some far off place?
Wait, me?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Where are you at?
Wait, hold on.
I feel, I feel weird talking right now.
I haven't talked in a minute.
Let me sit up.
I just went to, uh, with that.
I tried Panda Express for the first time.
It was all right.
You know what I'm saying?
Do I really give off Australia vibes for?
You're about to read from your diary.
Tell me where you live at.
Where do you, where do you, where do you, it's Thursday, bro.
I know you do, you do the preamble.
We don't preamble here.
We get right to it.
This is the goddamn speakeasy.
And we've, we've, we've, we're already giving food for crabs, bro.
Like we're passing what you ate for breakfast today.
What?
Diary.
That's crazy.
I'm from, okay.
Okay.
Can you guess where I'm from?
It's not Australia.
I don't want to do a racism upon you.
Austria?
I don't take any offense.
Wait, sorry, one.
I said Austria.
Oh, goddamn.
Nah, I'm from New Jersey.
Nah, I definitely wasn't calling that.
You look like a, uh, an Egyptian goth kid who's really rebelling against his parents.
Is it like Alpine, New Jersey?
Or like Tritton, New Jersey?
New Jersey and Turkmenistan.
Is it like North Jersey or South Jersey?
Ah, none of you above.
Central Jersey, you'll feel me.
You know what I'm saying?
He's like Jagar's cool cousin.
Yeah.
He does look like Jagar though.
Ding and aiming.
No, but like cool, like cool, like his cool cousin.
Now when he shows up, Jagar's like, hey, I made another robot.
He's like, yeah, fuck that bro.
I'm smoking some weed.
You're so fucking Indian.
And he goes outside and burns one down.
I was like, you're going to get in trouble.
I need him and Jagar in the same room.
Jagar, by the way, when he lets us, he looks like Ashley from Fresh Prince.
So you know, 100%.
It's a whole thing.
By the way, he's a full grown Indian man.
But when he lets his hair down, he looks like Ashley.
It's a whole thing.
He's like, okay, that looks like me.
I would admit it.
I was like, yeah, it does, motherfucker.
It's great.
But he builds all the things in crypto boxes.
So listen, where in the world are you again?
You said you're in Jersey?
You're not in Jersey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Central New Jersey.
You're there now?
Uh, currently, like, yeah, like, my, yep, feet on the ground.
Central Jersey.
Are you visiting?
Because why do I feel like you live in, like, like, Indonesia?
I was in Philly.
I was in Philly earlier today.
You should probably just come up with, like, a background from Borneo or something.
It would be really interesting, you know.
I'm not making this up.
He's hiding his Australian roots, bro.
Don't fucking out him.
No, but I feel like there's no way I just, like, I just decided this nigga's from somewhere.
No, I'm telling you, like, were you broadcasting from fucking Myanmar, nigga?
Why do I think that you're from somewhere far?
Um, I honestly couldn't tell you.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't know what the last thing was.
Nigga, were you eating some Thai food or what was happening that I think this?
Oh, it was probably the whole thing with the soft taco, hard taco thing.
And you were saying that the hard tacos are, like, the best tacos in the soft tacos are not real tacos.
This is a series of tacos.
I have thought that you were in Manila for months.
This is honestly the first time I'm hearing of a location named Manila.
I'm not going to hold you.
You know what I'm saying?
We're going to work on that.
I'm still not sold.
I'm going to have to figure this out.
He's putting the background checkers.
Yeah, but he's claiming a place that no one's going to, like, who goes to fucking, he's at, like, who's the, like, Rutgers?
What the fuck is there?
No one goes to where he's saying.
He's claiming a very neculous place for a New Yorker.
He might as well claim, like, the middle of the road.
It's like, it's nothing.
It's Nowheresville.
He's in Pemberton Township.
Like, I don't believe that.
He's somewhere that we're never going to go.
And it's like a, it's an impossible, it's an impossible feat.
This nigga's at fucking Tom's River.
I don't know where he is, but it's great.
It sounds, it sounds wonderful.
I've been to, I've been to Central Jersey.
It's actually really nice.
It beguiles the state.
Do you know, so that's actually funny you said Rutgers.
I live, like, 10 minutes from Rutgers.
Yeah, I have them weird fucking sandwiches.
They're wonderful.
I'm sorry, I'm the Earl of Sandwich.
I know where there's sandwiches everywhere.
Rutgers, outside Rutgers, and they have crazy sandwiches that will kill you.
He's a sandwich man.
You know what I'm talking about.
I don't know this.
I don't know, for sure, for sure.
But what's going on with this, uh, this speakeasy vibe?
You know, what's the vibe?
What's going on here?
It's my first time.
Let's get canceled show, Jaden.
I haven't actually looked.
That's been a, oh, my bad, easy.
Oh, no, good.
I was just going to say I'm surprised that we never got canceled.
We, we, we.
Nah, well, the thing is, we're, well, listen.
There's a couple times we came close.
There's a couple times, and you, you know, the times, but the, the, the two times that
came close were immediately, the, the show ended, and I called you, right, on your phone,
and then Discord, because you wouldn't answer.
Mad times, like, yo, what the fuck, bro, what the fuck, what the fuck was that?
The first show had me a little off.
The first show was the only one that we didn't record, and I am so fucking happy, because
that shit got off the rails immediately.
That one was bad.
That was back when GIF was participating.
He doesn't do that anymore.
Was that the Petal Pastor one?
Huh?
Was it with the Petal Pastor?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
There was, that, that was bad, but there was another one that was worse, and that wasn't
even, the Petal Pastor wasn't even in here.
Petal Pastor was in a, the regular old neighborhood jewelry room on Twitter.
Man, that was one of the worst days of my life.
That was great.
That wasn't a speakeasy.
I thought that was a speakeasy.
No, no, no.
Speakeasy doesn't have, we don't get that kind of luck around here.
The people who come in here, besides, like, you know, normals, you know, people that we
know, or, like, my, my personal account.
So, Jaden, if you ever need me, hit my personal account.
It's in the room.
That's Matt Barbaro.
If anyone's ever offended by something I say, at MetaTireMan, Matt Barbaro.
That's my, that's my actual name.
That's what I really look like.
You know, you don't like it, suck a fat dick.
Fucking send me a DM, and I'll answer it.
Like, that's how I feel.
Like, maybe we came a little closer to the line.
Maybe one of your loved ones got the herp, and you don't like what I said about them having
their own nightclub, so people don't have to worry about sharing a blunt with them in the
bathroom.
You know, maybe, you know, maybe you're a little uptight.
Point is, I got a whole Twitter just for that.
I got a whole Twitter.
Wait, this guy's not actually, wait, that guy's not actually you, right?
Yeah, that's my real account.
Yeah.
Because I'm pretty sure I saw a video.
Oh, the black guy?
Nah, that's, I just sent him out like MF Doom.
I use words like recalcitrant.
You think I'm black?
You know, I've been, like, looking, you know, getting canceled.
I love, I love whatever that just did to you.
That was awesome.
That was awesome.
He was like, ah, I'm not touching that.
That was great.
That was almost as good as when Shoku was here, and I convinced him that his Twitter
account said something racist back in 2015.
God, I miss it.
Shoku don't come on no more.
Twitter files are good ones.
Once Shoku made a clip, once he made the reel, he was like, nah, yeah, fuck you guys.
I was like, oh, but come on, come through.
He's like, nah, nah, nah.
Yeah, I'll listen, but you have your fun.
Yeah, we had a great time with Shoku.
That was a lot of fun.
Emily was on a few times.
Anyone who's come on and made a habit of getting on stage and talking, yeah, you will make the reel.
That's the beauty of this program.
Makes me very happy.
In case you don't know, Jaden, we have little clips that go out as YouTube shorts, and they are basically like a little animated G.I. Joe scene.
They got the subtitles, so characters switch as the voices change up, and they are pretty fun.
Like, yeah, I want to pin it.
I love that shit.
That's one of my favoritest things that I have.
I sometimes just show that to people.
Oh, yeah, hell yeah.
You're going to pin the freshie, the big balls?
Yeah, got to.
Is it in?
Is it in the thing already?
Yeah, it got to be.
I think so.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it was.
Did it?
I thought it got out of this tweet already.
Nah, I don't, uh, I don't see it.
Yeah, it is.
I retweeted it earlier.
No, but it isn't in the YouTube.
It should be.
I think they usually go out before they get tweeted.
I'm looking for art.
Why do you have your hand raised, Jaden?
Just talk.
This ain't your space.
You can talk.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, put one in there, buddy.
So, uh, what's going on with this, uh, freak Pepe coin?
Well, what does the room say, sir?
It says, speakeasy.
You got to get in the van, Jaden.
What, you said I'm banned?
No, you got to get in the blue van.
The blue van.
Oh, yeah.
Even though you got girl hair.
I want you to read the top, though.
You're a cutie.
I, uh, I prefer prince hair, but, you know, I feel you, I feel you.
Read the top, okay.
Speakeasy.
Uh, that looks like a little whiskey.
That looks like a little Jack Daniels cup.
Ooh, that looks good.
Um, free Pepe coin.
Comma, NFT marketing.
Comma, oh.
I see.
Now, that's how they get you in the van.
Right?
It's like free puppies, you know, and, uh, and, and sunshine smiles and hot dicking.
You got to read the whole thing because you get in the van.
It's like, where's the puppies?
And it's like, you're the puppy.
Whoa.
Why did you sign up for that?
Like, hold on.
Try to get my sunshine smile from you.
And it's like, well, I don't want that.
It's like, well, we got hot dicking for you.
And then it's just, they try to plunder you.
You got to escape.
But that's why I'm teaching my son right now.
I'm teaching him how to fucking do gymnastics.
Teach him how to backflip and hold the fucking Swiss Army knife with his little hands.
Right now?
Yeah, you got to get crazy.
Well, yeah.
We're multitasking.
He's like, he's got like a whole, what, 12 days old?
Yeah, we're multitasking.
That's the, well, that's the whole point.
When you come out nine knees and I rub the fucking lima, the lima call on your forehead,
it wakes up all that fucking Jaguar DNA.
This nigga's running through the forest already.
He's got it.
Legit, no bullshit.
He's already holding his head up and he shouldn't be.
He's five weeks early.
Technically speaking, this nigga's negative three weeks old if we're going by the calendar.
And fucking, he's already holding his head up and fucking slamming it into me.
Fucking putting his fists in the air.
This nigga's great.
He's the best.
I'm very proud of him.
Hell yeah.
And that can be the, we've taken it.
We've taken it all the way through.
Like you mentioned earlier, through relationship advice, into your baby advice, right there.
Lima call, awaken the inner fricking tiger.
What was it?
Was it a tiger?
They don't show the bath boy?
What's happening there?
TMI came in.
Oh, they had a root chakra.
The old army secret.
Oh yeah, this is great.
I love reading the comments of this show.
Oh boy.
This is the best.
I love the comments for this show.
So yeah, Jay, this is what we do.
Once a week, we get together and do this.
And it's been fun.
And then I put it in the comments.
We make videos out of it.
And if what happens to you...
No, this is nice.
It's really good.
It's nice.
I like it.
You know what I'm saying?
You know, it is past my bedtime, but I'm chilling.
You know what I mean?
So, vibing out.
Nice.
Oh yeah.
Hey, I found the...
Oh, where'd it go?
Here, I'll pin it, I think.
Okay.
Now, there should be pinned up in the top one of the clips.
So, you can see that as, you know, an example of the little clips that come out of Speakeasy.
And there's a bunch of them in the YouTube.
They're fun.
But yeah, we, you know, don't really expect anything besides having a good time over at the Speakeasy.
But since it is your first time here, we do have to ask you, if you were at a party, Jaden,
and this is a question we ask everybody, and Lowe really hates it.
So, if we're at, if you're at a party, and it's someone's birthday, and the birthday cake is an erotic cake,
but you, by the time you get there, it's already cut up.
It's already been plated.
All you see is wedges of delicious chocolate cake.
Now, this was a large black penis cake with sprinkles of chocolate from pubic, it's a whole thing, right?
Custard, real bad.
It's the worst erotic cake option possible that could possibly, whatever you think is bad,
unless, you know, you like that, then the opposite, it's a big pussy cake.
I don't know.
I'm not here to judge people's predilections, because on this show, we love everybody,
and we want to equally horrify the audience that listen.
So, if whatever your idea of a bad erotic cake is, but it's already been cut up,
this cake has already been disassembled, it's been plated, 30 plates, every fucking direction,
there's nothing left on the table, you can't tell what the original cake looked like.
Do you eat the cake?
It's a very interesting question, you know?
The first thing that I was going to say was, you know, what's an erotic cake?
But I think you painted a pretty good picture in my head.
So, mine's just kind of boring, you know what I'm saying?
Because I usually don't eat cake to begin with, you know what I'm saying?
It can even look like the most beautiful cake in the world.
If I go to a party and they said they have cake, I'm like, I'm good.
And they're like, well, are you on a diet?
I'm like, no, I just don't like cake.
I just don't like cake.
You're not a big sweetie sugar.
You don't partake in the pastry cookie cake crumble comes.
And that's fine.
Generally speaking, I'm not a cookie crumbler myself.
However, I like birthday cake.
And birthday cake for me is a supermarket, fuck you easy,
or specifically a Carvel cake.
And from New Jersey, they had Carvel there,
even in the weird part of New Jersey you said you're from.
So, Carvel, little cookie puss fudgy the whale,
the Carvel ice cream cake with the vanilla
and then the chocolate and the crumpled up cookie things for the base.
And it has to have blue writing on the top.
Whatever the fuck the blue is, but the blue writing.
And I want to get a blue writing part when they carve my piece of cake.
That is birthday cake done to the best of its ability as far as I'm concerned.
Well, once you cut it up and no one knows
what the original kind of structure of the cake was,
people would have really...
It's the wedgie cake.
Is it what, what, what?
Yeah, it's just a square of cake at that point, right?
Yeah, if it's just a cake, like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, you don't really know.
So why would he not eat it?
Jaden is obviously not a cake eater.
That's fine.
I don't have it.
I don't take any issue to that.
But there is, I think, a possible secondary question that could get maybe a little deeper
of an answer, which would be, you know, it's the plane crash, you know, eating people kind
of thing, if you want to elaborate on that and pose the question, if you get my drift.
Ed, you always do this one more eloquent than me, because I get vile immediately.
And sometimes we have to ease people in, and I forget that.
Okay, so, you know, let's say there's a few scenarios in where this could work.
We'll go, we'll go with the sun sneezes.
So let's say the sun explodes, a big solar flare takes out all the electricity.
You're like, this is end of the world's time.
You happen to be close enough to a little group of us that are, you know, holding, holding
down our own.
Power grids down.
Power grids down.
We got water.
We got ammo.
We got, you know, there's a little bit of food stocks, but not a whole lot.
Spices are hard to come by.
But the food stock dwindles, and it's pretty bad.
There's people, you know, really, really, really going for it.
We're safe enough, but at some point, there's no food left.
You've got, you know, somebody that passed away in the night, or maybe they just, you
know, they broke the laws that have been set forth, and there's only capital punishment.
Do you eat the meat to survive, or do you start to death?
Wait, what'd you say?
Hold on.
This is, this is, listen.
Wait, yeah.
I'm going to need you to repeat like I was.
As your lawyer, don't answer that.
Hold on a second.
Listen, listen.
Now, we have a lot of fun.
Jaden is a prominent spaces host, and a man of respect.
And I'm not going to sit here and ask, what'd you say?
Do they eat people's meat?
Do they suck at some dick?
What are you saying?
Eat the meat.
Are you saying it's the human?
The sex thing.
You're ridiculous.
You're ridiculous.
Not at all.
Not at all.
This is why we fight.
This is why we have problems on this show, because we have, we can't have illustrious guests
if you keep asking them if they're going to suck some dick every time there's a solar
flare.
This, this was, this was, I'll rephrase the scenario.
You're in a plane.
You better rephrase it, because you're on thin ice.
You're in a plane.
Top of the, top of the glacier.
Yeah, I don't know if you've ever seen the movie about the soccer players that, that.
You're actually going to top somebody else.
Listen, I don't know what glacial.
But it rhymes with the facial.
I know where you're going.
And I rebuke it.
I rebuke it on Instagram.
In the name of the Louisville.
Web 3.
I got a fucking ruling here.
No counten tops.
Can we get a fucking ruling on this biggie's employment?
Because this, the easy, he's trying to ruin this program once again.
He did it with eating babies.
And, and then he called their genitals tacos.
And now he's insulting our illustrious guests.
And I don't know what's happening.
I don't know what's happening.
I don't know what's happening.
You gotta call a flag.
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a standard question that's been, uh, it's plenty
of guests have answered, you know, and, and, and the cake.
I appreciate you, uh, you know, lofting the softball of, of, of party cake and birthday
cake at Jaden.
I have a, you're talking about if the, if the, if the, if the temperature spikes.
And, and, and, and, and, and the world.
They're giving people to the populace in order to exchange for food and water.
I think, I think you got a little confused.
Maybe he's a warrior.
He's a champion of spear and takes up his lima beans by force.
Well, that, that could work if there's lima beans.
This is a situation, this is kind of one of those situations where there's only the human
meat left.
When you say the human meat, are we talking cannibalism or just like fucking tube steak
smothered in drawers?
Cause you're not, you're not making a distinction.
It's, it's not lab grown.
That's not an answer.
What the fuck is going on here?
Jaden, don't answer that.
You're better, you're better than that.
That's a ridiculous question.
And I re, I reject it.
I reject it out of hand, out of mouth, out of whatever orifice you were implying.
Hey, Sarah.
It was, it was mouth.
I love it.
I love this.
Jaden, this is every Thursday, bro.
This is, this is, this is, this is why it's great.
I'm still genuinely very confused by that.
I don't understand what the question was.
You know what I'm saying?
I think I know what he was asking.
Blue flare, power goes out, right?
It's easier to say you're on an airplane.
You're on an airplane, crashes, top of a mountain.
Obviously, some tough decisions are going to have to get made.
How do you decide which people get eaten?
Or do you not eat people?
You're already past the, do you eat people stuff?
You're just going straight to who gets eaten first.
Well, I mean, he's a survivor.
He's not going to fucking, listen, you don't have the patience to grow a big lofty head of hair like that.
And then just give up because the fucking plane went down.
This man didn't stop in NFCLA when the niggas told him to stop filming.
He's not going to quit because the fucking plane ran out of fucking altitude.
He's going to fucking munch some motherfuckers.
I believe in him.
Yo, you know, you can get the vitamins and minerals you need to survive from eating dirt, right?
Listen.
They told y'all that.
You can eat dirt before you can eat people.
Promise.
Yeah, and I think it's pretty convenient for them niggas to tell you that when you could have just went to the other side of the island and ate everybody in Puta Kana.
See what I mean?
You got to get them niggas.
This nigga trying to start a civil war at my house.
Hey, come back, buddy.
Los Lee's going vegan.
No, he's not.
I would run right up in them fucking resorts.
There's some long pig in there.
Hey, Sarah.
Hey, Kane.
How are you?
I'm pretty good.
What's the situation?
Are we, did the power grid go down or are we on a crash plane this evening?
We did the power grid.
Easy is putting curveballs on it, trying to get everyone to fucking suck some dick.
I don't know what's happening.
I reject it.
I'm trying to class this program up.
As you know, I'm a father now.
And I'm just trying to make this the kind of program that my son can listen to.
Congrats.
Oh, my goodness.
That's so exciting.
Yeah, I made a people.
It's a good-looking people, too.
I made a little people.
Yeah, but I can't let my people listen to this program because easy keeps on infringing
upon the dignity of our guests, our illustrious guests.
You know, it's really becoming a problem for me, personally.
It's for goddamn Dickens.
Always lovely to have you join us, Sarah.
Always lovely to be here.
I've missed the past few weeks.
Oh, it's the greatest.
It's the fucking greatest.
We did.
We had, actually, we had a week or two off there during all the NFT, NYC, and Rizzle Fest.
So we've just been back at it, what, last couple weeks?
Last week and this week.
But we're back at it.
Yeah, we take liberal breaks because, you know, the people over at Web3, we don't get a craft
services table.
We don't even have a dedicated list of holidays off.
They were like, hey, Thanksgiving's coming.
Obviously, you guys are going to be cranking out the good shit, right?
I was like, no.
They'll be with our families.
They're like, fuck your family.
Their words.
Their words.
Kane, you should strike.
Ah, I tried.
And then all they do when we strike is they buy nicer equipment for their other programs.
So if you look at the Web3 show, they make us have a laser light show intro and a fucking
a whole hologram set.
And they're just mocking people, looking down on them.
It's ridiculous.
You know, Nifty Q was in there looking like a Iraq war veteran.
And, you know, I think, I believe I've said before that Gift Dad looks like he sells faulty
pontoon boats in New Orleans.
Still true.
Doesn't it?
Yeah, still true.
There you go.
You see that, Sarah?
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you see it.
Oh, Gift.
Gift, I think you would like New Orleans.
Yeah, you would.
Because you'll sell the fuck out of those boats.
It's a really lovely town.
Doesn't he look like a Wiley Cajun?
We eating that mud book.
If you look at Gift and you never heard him talk, you would think he's like Tom McDonald's
really not tattooed brother.
Wait, Gift, are you okay?
Can you?
No, he's fine.
He doesn't, he doesn't, he does not speak on this, yeah, he doesn't, he doesn't do that
on this program.
He does it every now and again.
He'll come on stage and he'll do it simply to stop us from going too far off of a rail.
And it's, it's even rare these days.
I think at this point.
That's how we know.
It's also how we know he's not Cajun because he does not use the spice.
Yeah, and he admitted, and listen, Gift has a special place in my heart because I want
to say it was the first episode of this show.
He did me the best caucastic favor ever.
He admitted he doesn't season his chicken.
He's like, listen, as you know, I'm a white.
I don't season my chicken.
I barely cook it.
He eats medium rare chicken.
And I said, thank you for, I always thought that about y'all, but I can't prove it.
You know, niggas don't do that shit in front of me.
In front of me, white people want to show off and be using cumin and shit.
I'm like, yo, I know this isn't you.
I know this isn't how you live.
Show me the real you.
And they just, they never do it.
They always want to extra cook things and use paprika.
But gifts like season, fucks the season.
It's fucking, it's in season right now.
I just bought it from the store.
Cook it up.
Yeah, 30, 30, 30, 40 minutes, full meal, everything done.
I'm talking sides, apps, everything.
That's, that's 15 minutes in the oven.
Frozen.
A little bit of water.
Juices in it.
Like he's, he's a, he's hardcore about his.
I love it.
Made me very happy.
Very proud of him.
Does he wash his chicken?
Absolutely not.
It's the store washed it.
What the fuck?
He bought it from the supermarket.
Why do you think it's super?
There's a difference between a market and a supermarket.
A market.
Yeah.
You got to wash your chicken, soak it in lime.
A supermarket does all that shit for you.
He told me, his words.
He says, a supermarket is super because you don't have to do anything.
You take that frozen chicken, drop it right in the oven.
Fucking heart's a rock.
15 minutes.
You start to cut right into it.
That shit is delicious.
Ready to go.
You don't need butter or nothing.
The water from the frozen chicken will coat the pan and keep it from sticking.
That's how you do it.
This is real.
Listen, we're going to diversify this show and really start branching out into some good
Yacoubian cooking.
We did it on Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to think of who was here.
Someone was here for Thanksgiving.
Who was that?
We had some mashed potatoes from Australia, I believe.
Not out of a box.
Who was it?
Someone.
Who did the Thanksgiving?
I'm trying to think back that far.
Yeah, we had a really good, we had some really good episodes, man.
We had some really good episodes.
I only know the episodes by the ones that are my favorite.
Sarah's was one of my favorites.
Hey, Sarah.
She's like, hey, Kane.
I was like, yeah.
So what happens with this?
She's like, well, I be dipping my lips crazy.
And I was like, all right.
There we go.
Off the rails.
Immediately.
Way off the rails.
Nibs, uh, buh, buh, buh, Nibs, uh.
Listen, I Googled it, and I now know what you meant.
But at the moment, I just thought you had a speech impediment.
I might.
I thought you would.
I didn't know what was going on.
I was like, she's dipping my nibs.
I was like, all right, cool.
That's a weird accent.
But that's fine.
You know, we love everybody here.
A lot of the episodes are about Easy's childhood.
I'm scrolling through now, trying to find the one with the,
uh, the Thanksgiving, the, the good recipes.
I remember it's just like, yeah, this is Norwegian and, and Irish.
And I was like, none of those people use spices.
Oh, yeah.
There was some, there was some crazy recipe shit going down.
Yeah.
The, the, where does, uh, where does raspberry come from?
Some fantastic.
Listen, if you scroll back through the speakeasy, you will find some amazing,
amazing clips.
And they're not the best ones.
We actually have all the shows recorded and there's some parts of those
that we're just, we're just not going to put out there because they're
fucking bad.
Like it's real get canceled shit.
Like some of the, some of the shows you got to tune in to hear the
mistakes.
All we do is clip up the good shit and put it out there for people to see.
But yeah, the, the, the, the actual shows.
Oof.
The, the, the cutting room floor, the cutter, cutting room floor is filthy.
Yeah.
It's super bad.
The one about you crossdressing is, that was a bad episode.
I'm going to go back and listen to it tonight.
Wonderful.
I've, yeah, I've tried to forget about that one.
Was it, who was it?
Oh, she said about ranch dressing.
I wonder if I have notes from that.
Thanks.
You know, I, but not always.
Was it, uh, bro?
Was it, uh, was it, it wasn't Kathleen?
Was it, was it Kathleen?
Oh yeah.
I think it was Kathleen.
Kathleen was definitely there.
Yeah.
She was sharing some, some recipes.
Somebody was talking about fucking seasons with us and, and how to make a, how to make
a proper, a proper Yakubian Thanksgiving, which is what, which is what we all should have.
You know, sometimes you got to just poison some blankets and get some niggas up off your
land.
So you can John Dutton some shit.
You know what I'm saying?
That's what I really want.
I like to watch shows and then be really impressionable by them.
Like I was watching Yellowstone and now I want to live in Montana on a ranch and I want
to, you know, like every now and again, do murder.
I feel like that would be cool.
Like I, I know it's not, it's still like America and there's police and jail and shit.
You know, I know that when I get there, I'll be quickly disillusioned and want to move right
back.
But in my mind, I can live on the right.
And by the way, I'm super fucking rich in this weird fucking pipe dream fantasy of mine.
I'm super fucking rich and I'm a land baron, you know?
And I'm just like, uh, I'm casually threatening all the whites and, uh, you know, I got like
somebody got to be like, I gotta, I have a rip.
Somebody got to be like rip probably like trash lights because trash lights is a fucking
intimidating because it looks like, like rickety cricket.
This thing is, he's wild and he has the voice of a child, which makes it really scary.
Like, like at nighttime, if trash lights were standing really close to you with his child
voice and his scary face and like he crawled out from under your bed and like grabbed your
feet, you'd be like, you'd lose your shit.
Come on.
Is trash lights still here?
Get trash lights in here.
Somebody, somebody hit the fucking chat and tell trash lights to come back.
We need trash lights to come back here and demonstrate his fucking scary voice.
Is he not here?
10 on nine.
Nice.
Yeah.
I think you had to bounce, but you can try and think I'm back in.
There we go.
I just hit the chat.
We're going to do it like that.
That's how you do it.
Yeah.
I got to, got to fulfill this, uh, the full, full vision of this fantasy.
Yeah.
Well, it's not a fancy.
I'm just saying trash lights is terrifying.
Like easy.
Can't be the rip of my John Dutton because easy is a very non-threatening guy who besides
the fact that he says horrifying things.
He's only truly intimidating when he lets his hair down and looks like a hobo drifter.
Then you're scary.
Then you're very cult leader-ish.
I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't honor you with no hair down.
I, I told you before, I will not speak to you with a hat on.
That's behind the curtains kind of stuff.
Yeah.
I've never, I've never seen you that way again.
And I've never, I never hoped to.
It, uh, it almost, it almost ended our friendship that day.
And, uh, you know, Jeff Jag comes in here.
He doesn't talk, which is, you know, it's offensive a little bit to me personally.
And, uh, mad pro is in here.
He's a nice guy.
He doesn't, he's busy.
He's busy with the babies.
So, yeah, but, uh, your trash likes to fuck in here.
Let's see what happens to that.
So, out of the ranch, massive, massive land.
You're, you know.
Yeah, you know, I'll be cutting with the Indians.
I'll be, I'll be chilling with the Indians.
Like, see, I feel like they took a very adversarial approach to the Indian peoples.
And me, since I only know the niggas from social studies books, I would befriend them.
And not in like a blanket, like smallpox.
We're like, I'm going to be like, yo, listen, it's fucked up niggas was making like knife
handles out of y'all bones.
I would never do that.
So, here's what we're going to do.
We're going to team up.
Uh, here's the fucking little, little quadrant for you.
Get that cigarette shmoney.
You know, break me off a little bit of fucking feta chin.
You know what I'm saying?
A little Doberman Docheese for the, for the God.
And, uh, you know, show my kid how to, how to basket weave.
You know, like I said, we're going to quit, we're going to trade.
We're going to fucking quit pro pro that shit.
I'm going to send my son over there, learn some archery, horseback, right?
Shit's like camp.
You know?
And they'll be like, oh, we don't really do that.
But my nigga, listen, I don't give a fuck if it's really not.
Teach my son how to shoot a bow and arrow and fucking 10% off that fucking casino.
Like, I'm, I'm making fucking wild deals here.
Like, I'm fucking, they'll be like, oh, this, this nigga is a fucking, he's a wild cowboy.
But we like him, man, the people, and then, you know, you got to go into the town and kick
it in the, in the, in the, you know, with the, with the opioid addicted, you know, uh,
Yacoubians and be like, listen, I got you come through.
And I'm, and of course, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to start selling drugs.
So at some point this goes from like a, a yellow stone to like a new Jack city, a yellow,
it's like yellow Jack city.
It's got the master plan.
And what's sad is that I'm so inconsistent, even in my own fantasies, I can't hold the
fucking theme together.
It falls apart in my own head.
Huh?
Just get chat GP to help with that.
Nah, cause then it'll make it a job and you know, fucking like, oh, you should not call
people in the air.
I'm like, ah, fuck you.
You're a fucking robot.
Like I, I thought about it and I would not like to have a Jarvis.
Cause you know, there's some computers all shmarm me with English accent, fucking
correcting you.
Like that's actually not how it works.
Stark.
Like let's suck a dick, bro.
I'm trying stuff.
You know?
Yeah.
How'd you get here?
Niggas was trying stuff.
So stop, uh, stop, stop, stop, stop.
I'm an idea.
I thrive off enthusiasm.
Is Jeff Jag coming to the stage or is he at the speakeasy with quantum variant and it's
fucking Jessica again?
What's the odds of the Jessica again?
That would be fucking hilarious.
Jeff just popped into the app.
You know, I think we should do this now live from the actual speakeasy and we got to guess
who's Jess.
We're going to play every week.
Guess who's Jess.
Jess, someone gives their phone to Jess and she pops up with their fucking avatar.
Hey, Jeff Jag.
Hey.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Um, I, yeah, I had to wait till the kids went to bed.
Smart move.
Smart move.
Are you, well, you don't want them to, are you protecting the kids from us or us from them?
Well, I can't like speak easy when they're around.
Yeah, but we can.
We don't want, you don't want me to hear these knowledge dots.
But if you like, you know, if you're like, hey, Jeff, what do you think of like, you
know, eating human flesh in, in the, when the power goes out, I can't, you know, like
respond to it.
I'll be like, wait, my kids are here.
And honestly.
Daddy wants a nip.
Yeah.
You don't have to, you don't have to say it, man.
Like, let's be clear.
I was the only one that said eating human flesh.
Easy is talking about trying to suck the skin off of people's penis.
And you can't talk about that around your kids.
This is in fact, the family program.
If you just like blurt, like, like bleep out all his parts.
And you know what?
I apologize to you, Jeff Jack.
I'm sorry that we've let the show degrade to the point where you don't feel comfortable
having your children listen to it.
And that's, you know, that's it.
It's kind of what makes it good.
But it happened on my watch.
So I take responsibility, you know, if this show was kid friendly, it wouldn't be worth
my time.
Well, like this is a man.
Well, I frankly think the show is kid friendly.
We gave great health advice.
You know, if you're going to be out there, you know, I mean, dipping your fucking, you
know, dragging your pineapple through the ladies, you want to, you know, wrap up your
lunch meat.
You know what I'm saying?
Because some of that, some of the, some of the sandwiches are rotten.
You got to wrap your lunch meat up.
Because if you get bugs in it.
And you don't want the Vicks.
Yeah.
Otherwise, you're going to have to take your dick and balls and Vicks to protect it from
the crabs that are going to literally eat your dick off.
That was also very descriptive, that whole part about like the bumps.
I was like, oh, oh boy.
Oh boy.
You remember.
Yeah.
Yeah, you remember.
And what can I forget?
Because Jeff Jack used to fuck.
See, that's the thing y'all don't know about Jeff Jack.
Oh, no.
Not me personally.
His last name.
They call him Jack.
They call him Jack.
You know what I'm saying?
Because he's a fucking legal eagle on that.
On the edge.
Getting down on it.
Both hands.
That's where he got his name from.
He got the Jagger.
Yeah, that's why they call it.
You got to Jag off.
His name ain't even Jeff.
Not Spanish niggas.
They call him Jefe.
You know what I'm saying?
Because he was bossing, bossing all that pussy around.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, God.
I love it.
I love what happens organically.
Yo, that was a laugh from that nigga's spirit.
I love it because I did grow up in a Hispanic town.
People called me Jefe.
Yeah, big Jefe.
Bossing it around.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, getting all their urethra's hard.
That's how you did it.
Yeah, firming them up.
Get my froth in the loin.
Yeah, Jefe's in the house, nigga.
Yeah, happy quinceañera.
Fairy body.
That's how we're doing.
Go to miles tomorrow, guys.
Yeah, that's right.
Bust your pinata open with that shit.
That's how he does it.
Yeah, drop that shit down on the table like a bouse.
Yeah, fuck where the kids eat their breakfast at.
It's fuck time.
Tell them, Jeff.
Tacos.
This is your birthday.
We're celebrating you.
Giving you your flowers.
Yes, I do think tacos over burritos.
I'll say that.
You know what that means?
He fucks right on that table.
That's what he's saying.
Yeah, see, I speak fluent, Jeff Jack.
A lot of you guys don't know that.
Me and Jeff go way back.
Way back.
Sunflower seeds.
You know what I'm saying?
And cut knife grade.
Me and Jeff Jack understand.
So when he says that, you know what that means?
That means Jeff Jack will put it to you wherever it's at.
In the bathroom of a Hardee's.
He don't care.
This man's a cocksman.
Which means if you order a drone strike, he's flying that fucking meat, that meat missile.
Ain't that right, Jeff Jack?
This is your fault.
You waited so long to come on stage for a week.
I know.
Dude, I didn't believe this to you.
It's totally my fault.
Yeah, 100% your fault.
You waited.
If you just come on stage and be like, oh, hey, I'm with the kids who can't talk.
Yeah, it'd be fine.
And then just did it on the top.
It'd be fine.
But you don't do that.
You don't show respect.
You fucking come in here like you're a goddamn audience member.
Where there are other rooms, you're just chatty-patty.
Say all the words.
Yeah, but here you come in here.
It's fucking Mr. fucking.
It's mute mouse.
You don't want to fucking talk to us.
It's too good.
No, no, no.
No, literally, I have like on and off hours.
Like, there's rules in my house.
Like, I'm not allowed to be on spaces when the kids are here.
Yeah, but Sarah Scripp talks to us.
She lives in a different time zone, and she doesn't have kids.
I don't have kids or a husband or anything.
Do you have Zoloft?
What?
Dipping her nips up crazy.
That's right.
You should take a page out of her book, Jeff Jack.
Live your life a little freer.
I do want to try that now.
Yeah, bring the wife in here.
Say, you know, this is something we're going to do together as a couple.
We're going to speak easy together.
Tuck the kids in the bed.
You know what I'm saying?
Take a little bit of melatonin.
Half a bottle of fucking gold schluggits.
You guys have a real fuck party.
Make another kid.
See, that's how it happens.
And then you have a speak baby.
There's been a lot of speak babies born in the last year, Jeff Jack.
A lot of speak babies.
It's my buttery baritone and my authoritative voice.
People say, you know what?
This sounds like a good idea because Kane said it.
Let's go.
Let's go.
The heavy push of Enrique Shockwave's Vitality Powder might have played a little bit into that in the first couple seasons.
Yeah, we were sponsored by a whole sex powder.
I mean, it wasn't even our fault in the beginning.
Dr. Enrique Shockwave's Miracle Vitality Powder.
It's literally Viagra with a little bit of molly.
That's all that shit is.
That was our sponsor.
For the first, like, what, six months?
Now here we are.
Yeah, I think it lasted about that long.
Yeah, now here we are.
Still going strong for the community.
That's all that matters for the community.
The people with sense will never come up.
Like, like, Jacob?
Jacob will never come up here.
In fact, Jacob has never been up here.
After that one time when we talked on voice chat, Jacob was like, oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm not going up here.
That's a smart man.
Takes a special kind of degen to grace the speakeasy.
Well, you know what it is?
I've been off for a couple weeks.
I got all this pent up talking to do.
Yeah, you got the baby batter back in the brain or something.
Excuse me?
The fuck you just accused me of?
I've come in my brain.
This is why we can't have nice things.
We were just having a moment about me being gone and coming back to the interwebs.
And it's good to see you.
And I'm hanging out with my good friend, Easy.
And then we're in that nice tender moment for two seconds.
You accused me of what?
Sucking people off and storing their jism in my mind like a squirrel's nuts?
What are you saying to me?
This is why we can't have a family program as a hashtag for this program.
Because of you and your accusations.
You're an accuser of the brethren.
You just did an accuser on me.
You're an accuser of the brethren, motherfucker.
You just accused me.
It was definitely a sexism.
I'm sorry.
You're a fucking accuser of the brethren.
You never saw that?
I feel like you never saw that.
No way.
Accuser of the brethren.
Somebody put that.
Somebody put it in the chat.
Somebody put the accuser.
The accuser video.
So Easy can watch it.
Is that from a movie?
It's a famous fucking YouTube thing.
You fucking accuser.
Where the fuck have y'all been?
No, like, was that, was that like, um, like, like, like early YouTube, like back in the day?
Nah, it's, uh, it's, it's fucking, I'm trying, I'm trying to find it now.
What was the shit called?
Is it like Charlie bit my finger old?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She's in the supermarket.
I found it.
All right.
Pin it up.
I don't need your help.
Yes, you do, motherfucker.
You do.
You do need my help, sir.
Can't you see that?
You son of a bitch.
Can't you see that?
You son of a bitch.
Fuck you.
I'm trying to help you, motherfucker.
Oh, this is, you got to ask Jesus Christ.
I don't have to do anything.
We're all sinners.
Okay.
He's not going to force you to do it.
You're sitting right now.
No, I'm not, motherfucker.
You fucking accuser.
Get the fuck out of here.
You fucking accuser.
You fucking accuser.
Get the fuck out of here.
Oh, my God.
You fucking accuser.
Accuser of the fucking brethren.
By the way, when she gets mad,
she starts cursing like an old black man.
Right.
Motherfucker.
Motherfucker is the best.
It's the absolute best.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe.
Yeah, you just did an accuser upon me.
I am so sorry.
Now I feel terrible.
Oh, yeah.
You're an accuser of the brethren.
Don't be an accuser.
Don't be an accuser.
Fucking accuser of the brethren.
This is a goddamn lesson.
It's brethren, not the brethren.
It's the brethren.
That doesn't even sound right.
You're saying it wrong.
It's right.
I don't think it is.
I don't think it is.
Go check.
Brethren sounds like some sort of a mint.
Brethren.
Brethren.
Nah.
It's not the brotherhood.
It's not the brotherhood.
It's the brethren.
It's the brethren.
Brethren.
Hey, brethren, you don't know what I mean?
I'm not taking my linguistic cues from Jamaicans, nigga.
Are you crazy?
It's the brethren, man.
You out of your mind?
You know how much stuff I say wrong because of the West Indian accent and Jamaican specifically?
How many words I think are just pronounced differently than they really are?
My, like, middle school gym teacher would say strategy.
Was he from Minnesota?
That shit was even hard to repeat.
I can't even say that.
I had to think about it before I said it.
It's tragedy.
It's tragedy.
It's a good one.
I like that one.
I say strategy.
Actually, I say strategery.
That's my thing.
And G-Dub's the man.
You got to get crazy.
Oh, Trash Lights is back.
Trash Lights, get up here.
I need people to talk to you.
So what I said was, Trash Lights, wait a minute when he gets up here.
That way we can have a proper Trash Lights conversation.
Come on, Trash Lights.
What?
There he is.
So what I was saying was, I was watching Yellowstone, so I want to move to Montana, right, and get
my, like, my fucking John Dalton on, but I need, like, a Rip Wheeler, you know, to be
like an enforcer on my ranch to make sure that, you know, nobody comes around fucking with
my cattle and my land.
So I was like, you need, like, it can't be easy.
That's not going to work.
Like, and Natalie is, you know, she's too crazy.
I can't have her up there.
You know, first of all, I can't have her there.
She'll be wilding out, you know, bothering my cows.
She doesn't strike me as, like, a...
You know how many cowboys she'd just kill?
Well, not just that.
She doesn't strike me as, like, a very diligent worker.
I feel like when I'm like, hey, Natalie, I need these horses to shoot or something.
She'll be like, first of all, fuck you.
It's a home, but I'm not going to shoot your fucking horses.
Wow.
I don't deal with all that.
I got time for that, but I'm trying to run a goddamn ranch here.
I got to run my ranch.
Lowe doesn't know how to have fun without filth.
I can't have him on the ranch at all.
Sleazy times.
Disgusting.
Lowe and Natalie from a ranch.
Because Natalie is going to try to turn it into some sort of Jamaican Rastafari.
Wait, we already live on a ranch.
You can't know my ranch.
What you talking about?
And then Lowe is going to equate everything back to sex work.
So all you're going to do all day is fuck around with these cows?
It's just work.
You don't got to put the sex in front of it.
It's just work.
Yeah, this is like an Alucard thing with you.
I'm not doing that.
All I'm saying is, when I go, this all sounds like a lot of people
who don't get any women.
And I'm like, bro, there's no women.
It's cowboy shit.
We're doing horses and wrangling.
And then we're going to do some archery and some fishing later.
It's like, yeah.
So kind of like Brokeback Mountain.
No, it's not.
We're not fucking on each other.
We're just not actively wearing leisure robes and trying to make sex.
You see how?
This is why.
This is why I don't ranch for you.
So I said trash ranch.
So you're just going to be in the wilderness.
Yeah, selling this cattle, getting this money.
With no women.
And some opioids.
For what reason?
So I can get some fresh air.
I don't know.
Listen, you don't understand the mountain.
That's why you can't come to Yellowstone.
I do understand the mountain.
And when I come rolling through with a bunch of women,
everybody's going to be like, man, why did?
So glad Lowe's here.
And nothing's going to get done.
Exactly.
How do the horses get shooed then?
See, this is ridiculous.
This is absolutely.
We got all you don't want to hang around women niggas for that.
You got to handle all that shit.
And you can't come to my land.
You can't come to my land.
You're prohibited.
You're prohibited.
Immediately.
Off top.
You're on my ranch.
I can't have you there.
You're a distraction.
You know, you're not about this fucking cowboy shit.
You're trying to distract niggas from shooing the horses
and wrangling the fucking cattle.
That's okay.
That's why I have the establishment right outside of town.
And everybody comes to hang out as soon as you fall asleep.
Yeah, yeah.
Go on down to his sawdust joint and get yourself some crabs.
But when you come back, you're going to have to vix up
so you don't get that shit on my cattle.
I can't have you fucking getting crabs on my cattle.
Niggas who don't like to frequent proper establishments
to get the crabs.
We are running.
Yeah, you got to vix it up.
Everybody is always checked.
Yeah, Eucalyptus crazy.
The markets and vittles and all that.
We don't have none of those problems.
Yeah, you got to Eucalyptus crazy.
Cake it up.
So trash lights, what I was saying was,
where the fuck did the trash lights go?
Did he leave?
God damn it.
You're fucking distracting.
Son of a bitch.
We didn't get to even hear his voice.
No, you did.
He said, hey, what do you want?
You see, I'm telling you, he has the voice of a child,
but he's a grown-up, and he looks like Rickety Cricket.
I'm putting Rickety Cricket in the chat.
Hold on.
Let's see here.
If you don't know who Rickety Cricket is,
do you really watch good television?
Oh, oh, oh, I know that one.
I know that one.
Always funny.
Yeah, he looks like Rickety Cricket with the long hair.
Rickety Cricket, killin' it.
Yeah, what is this?
Yip is putting comments in the chat.
That's weird.
Hey, Jay Lee.
How you doing, lady?
Come on, Jay Lee.
Where'd she go?
There she is.
Come on up.
Yeah, come on up here.
There's people who won't come up here.
Hakeem won't come up here.
There's a few people that won't come up here.
You know, we already have a very rambunctious time in here.
It's very good.
The fact that this is a show, but it's not a show, but it is a show.
But it's not.
It's a harvesting den for sound bites that we can laugh at later.
Minor emergency at home.
See, that's the kind of shit he would say if he was doing some ranch business.
Right, yeah.
Gotta go out for it.
Gotta go handle something at home.
Goes home, comes back, blood on him.
He comes back, he's like, yeah, everything's fine.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
That problem taken care of?
That problem ain't no problem no more.
Gotta laugh like that.
Put that knife work in.
That's all I'm here for.
What's up, Wizpill?
Yeah, I'm chilling, man.
I'm not gonna stay on the stage very long since you mentioned that the stage might be full.
So I just wanted to kind of come in.
No, the stage isn't full.
Full at all.
Ah, okay, I see, I see.
I see you have a sheep, but you're a CFP.
Are you some sort of a ranchman?
You're a cattleman?
No, so it's a subtle commentary on the culture of the space and how everyone's a sheep.
And they'll follow whatever the influencer says.
So, yeah.
So you're not a cattleman.
You're just false flagging.
Well, think of it as like, you know, the whole sheep, wolves in sheep's clothing kind of thing.
It's kind of like that, except in reverse, right?
Wolf could wear sheep's clothing.
My ranch hand would catch it and dispatch with it forthwith.
And I feel like you tried to trick me because you know I'm a big ranchman and you wanted to have some commonality with me.
And you come in here with your sheep.
I'm thinking we're about to talk about fucking heads of cattle and some steer, and you fucking threw me all off.
I would hope so.
I would hope so.
Because, like, you know, I...
You rug pulled me.
It's a...
It's a fucking...
It's a Trojan sheep, for sure.
Yeah, there you go.
There you go.
You know, I don't like the way that feels.
I don't like the way that sounds.
The Trojan, the lambskin, Trojan, it's all just rubbers and fornicationary.
I don't want to do it.
But I do feel like you came in here like a big old cattleman, and he fucking pulled the wool, the sheep's wool, and then he just wanted to talk about crypto or whatever.
Listen, man, this is about Yellowstone National Park, and we're here about the love of the Lord Jesus Christ and repenting for our sins.
If that's not what you're about, I don't want to tell you, bro.
I'm definitely here to repent, for sure.
I do that.
You got to repent crazy.
Yeah.
For the error of your ways.
You got to get some land.
And don't let Low on there, because he'll fuck everything.
He won't let, don't want to get any work done.
I will say, though, like, one of the things I found to be fairly interesting, since you were talking this entire time, I don't know.
I could be wrong, but do you have, like, a background in, like, stand-up comic?
Because your delivery style very much reminds me of that, to be honest.
Yeah?
This nigga ain't funny.
All I said was that he reminds me of this stand-up comic.
You can bore a dead bitch.
Jesus Christ.
Fucking God.
See, I remember, man, the actual audience here is full of rogue vulgarians, and they will attack you, unless you provide them with something entertaining or something ridiculous.
So, back to you and the cattle.
Do you plan on getting yourself some land and perhaps a few hundred steer so we can have more to talk about?
Technically, I already own a piece of land.
And it's about two and a half acres.
Nothing crazy or big or whatever.
It's for shit on that.
Where's it at?
It's in the Caribbean.
You Haitian, ain't you?
You Haitian, ain't you?
Well, we've spoke about this before.
Yes.
Yes.
A little sleazy.
I don't remember you.
He doesn't remember any of the Haitians.
He's like the George Lopez of you people.
You know?
He's out here representing them, but he doesn't really want to be your friend.
Okay, I got to admit, this one too.
You got to clip that.
That's got to be a clip.
That's foul.
That was foul.
That was...
I will add this one.
On behalf of the Haitian Council,
I'll definitely allow this one.
Jesus Christ, bro.
Yeah.
You didn't say Jesus Christ, right?
So I know you're saying Haitian.
Yeah, you didn't even put a W in there.
No, Christ.
It wasn't even the Christ.
That wasn't Haitian.
It was the Christ.
My wife.
My wife.
My wife.
You're my brother.
You are crazy, but you're my mother in Christ.
No, but you have to repent for your sins to the Lord.
Do you have a different name or something?
No, I just have several accounts I use for different purposes.
Oh, so you might have a conversation.
You had this conversation with me on a different account is what you're saying, right?
Yeah.
I don't know no Haitian whiz pill.
Because, like, personally, like, I'm kind of over the whole, like, my main timeline right now,
all I see is a bunch of pepper dicks and shit, and it's kind of getting old.
Pepper dicks?
What?
Like, pepper dicks.
Like the fucking frog that's, like, going viral right now with the crypto bros.
All right.
So you see a lot of pepper dicks.
This is going to be based on who you're following.
Are you following spicy people who show that wigwam off?
No, like, not even.
And it's just a lot of the people I follow on that account are crypto adjacent.
So because of them, that shit shows up on my TL.
What's a TL?
The timeline, bro.
Yeah.
Well, listen, shouts to you, my man Jean-Emmanuel, Francois Jean-Pierre.
Fucks with you.
Lo, just, you just fucking George Lopez'd you, which I don't appreciate,
because he high-horsed you, pretended he didn't know you when he met you already.
Had some fucked up shit to do.
He just gave you the big old-fashioned fucking bowl of L.A. soup to eat there.
He's like, oh, yeah, nice to meet you.
It's like, we met already.
Eh, must have been a different name.
It wasn't.
You were probably you, and he just didn't take the time to remember you
because he's a big old snoop looking down at you.
So, easy.
Have we taken this choo-choo train to the end of the station?
What are we doing?
Oh, I think we've had a pretty good ride.
It's been a couple hours chilling in the speakeasy, you know,
pretty much off the rails the whole time.
So, check that box off.
And, yeah, I was just getting in a couple last notes,
putting in my professional touch on this show.
Yeah, rub your hands on it.
That's how we do it.
We do it up crazy.
Got to get manners with it.
Jay Lee didn't come up.
I find that to be very disrespectful.
She disrespected us with her disrespect.
And, you know, it's not like her.
You know, normally she comes right up, and she's a woman of the people.
But I think she's taking a page out of, you know, out of Gift Ed's book
and just being snooty with us, snooting on her, snooting all over the place.
I think her and Jeff Jag might have switched phones.
Maybe they were there in a speakeasy, like Quantum and Jessica.
You know, just switching phones and getting crazy.
And Jeff Jag's up here, which is, you know, again,
thank you, Jeff Jag, for coming up to the stage.
Yeah.
We appreciate it.
And you went on a very detailed history of all your little sexual predilections
and trysts.
And, you know, we appreciate just getting to know you more, frankly.
So a few things to take away from today.
If you get crabs, you can encase your genitalia, your dick and balls in Vicks,
and two, three days, just waiting to pull it.
Keep applying as needed.
It smothers the crabs, and you will be minty fresh and crab-free in 72 hours.
We learned that.
We learned that Guyanese people treat their children with fucking Old Spice
and fucking Jovan Musk.
And we learned that Jeff Jag likes to fuck.
We learned these three things today on this program.
Jeff Jag is a fuckasaurus, and he'll never be satiated.
You know, he's an omnivore.
Fuck on all y'all.
You don't give a fuck about nothing.
So, I don't know why.
It just makes me happy because you never come on stage.
So, you're a fucking boy.
Y'all, I'm not going to grow up.
I'm a fucking kid.
When it completely clips out on Kane's, like, super alto part of the laugh,
you know he's rolling.
We had good science.
Good science.
I love to see it coming in.
Jeff Jag, freaking pleasure.
Come back in on stage with us more.
And, yeah, I thought we had a great show tonight.
A lot of fun.
Yo, what's the odds of Jeff Jag coming back on stage?
What do you think?
Out of 100.
Out of 100.
What do you think?
That's a solid one.
I'll come back.
I think it's a three.
I think we have a three.
It just has to fit my, you know, it has to fit in.
I have to have the, like, kids in bed situation.
And then I can be free.
You got to put a few ones down.
And then, in person, what I think is, see, Jeff Jag's been coming to the show
and not talking.
So, I think he's one of those people that was copping the shock wave, you know,
back when we still had the sponsorship.
So, he was using our coupon code like crazy, you know, piping up with the fuck powder.
And then, what happens is, if the show runs long enough, he got the wee ones down,
you know, he's fucking popping the fucking Dr. Enrique Shockwave chewables.
Worland Dervis probably in his living room right now, giving him a chomp, right?
Getting him all fucking, getting him all frothed up.
He's ready to put some fucking work in.
This man is a sexual wrecking ball here to smash some shit up.
And all we're doing is just biding the time while the fucking shock wave takes effect.
It's either this or you watch The Price is Right, because nothing gets Jeff Jag hard
like Enrique Shockwave and guessing the price of consumer goods.
These are things I know about him as a personal, as a close personal friend of Jeff Jag.
I know these things.
Y'all don't know these things, but I know these things.
You know, this man watching The Price is Right, be like $47.99.
It's $47.98.
Fuck time.
Every time.
Like clockwork.
This man's running up there.
Beat it on the TV.
Beat it on your belly like a tom-tom drum.
Ready to go.
I don't know where we are right now.
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just doing, we're way off the rails.
It's fine.
This, this is what sometimes GIF is afraid is going to happen when he's trying to do
like the, the GM show.
Like when they're, when they're doing like the happy, like the news and shit.
And I show up and say, oh, Kane's here.
Hey, Kane.
And I'm, I'm energetically talking about the thing, but I think to GIF it all sounds the
same.
Once my voice hits this register, it doesn't matter if I'm talking about influencers or
influenzas.
It's all the same.
It's just like, oh, Kane's going to say something ridiculous.
And then because I talk the way I talk, I'll say something like, oh yeah, don't go over
there.
They're a bunch of fuck pirates.
And he's like, oh, here we go.
And speak easy during daytime.
And, and it's not, it's, it's, and that's a, it's a racism that he's doing upon me.
And yeah.
So check your privilege, sir.
Cause you're doing a racism, uh, on me, uh, and, and, uh, bigotry.
And, you know, if, uh, anyone has been offended by some of the things we said, Indians teaching
archery cures for crabs, you know, people with herpes should go to different nightclubs,
you'll hit my personal account at Matt Barbaro.
You see it down there.
My personal accounts in here.
I got the, uh, it's, uh, it's my, it changed my PFP in celebration of my friend, Jeff Jagg.
That is a picture of me standing next to the fuckasaur, you know, at, um, at sexual dinosaur
land.
And, uh, that sexual dinosaur, the, the fuckasaur was actually designed after Jeff Jagg in his
honor.
So that's me standing next to the fuckasaur.
Uh, shouts to my man, Jeff, uh, go all the way back to ninth grade.
And, uh, yeah, if you've got a problem with something that I said, or easy said, you feel
free to, uh, to hit my account at meditire, man, Matt Barbaro.
That's my personal account.
It's my real name.
It's my government.
I dox it myself.
And, uh, you can feel free to, uh, you know, to, to, to get this smoke, man.
I live right there in Connecticut and you can get these fucking hands.
You can get these big Caucasian hands.
I'll punch you right in the face.
And if you don't, you see my face, you see what I look like.
You can fucking come get some whenever you want.
And, uh, that's me.
You can come on down to my tire shop and I'll fucking, I'll wear you the fuck out, boy.
You know, that's, that's, that's, that's what, isn't that what the dude from New Jersey
said, I'll break you in half like a boy.
You know, if your congressman threatens to break you in half like a boy, that is a bad
congressman.
And he has certainly got fucking his name engraved on a seat.
Like he did scratch feeding you on the window of F of Epstein's plane.
This thing is a fucking regular.
I'll break you in half like a boy, bro.
You shouldn't even know that that could be a thing that's done.
You shouldn't even know how to break a boy, much less that the one could be broken.
That's terrible.
So, uh, yeah, but if you got a problem, you come see me at my fucking, uh, my Connecticut
tire shop and, uh, you know, we could punch it up or, you know, stab it out, whatever
you want to do.
Cause, um, as, as, as everyone in my neighborhood knows, Matt Barbaro is with the shits.
All right.
We'll all the smoke, whatever you want.
Choo-choo train brisket.
I got it.
So thank you all for tuning into another episode of the speakeasy.
This has been great.
It was supposed to be an intervention for easy and the terrible things that he says.
Um, Trislet's here.
Hey, Trislet.
You know what?
Before we close this up, we got to get Trislet up here.
Hey, Trislet.
How are you, sir?
Easy.
Have we ever got Trislet up on this program?
I don't know if we have.
Did you, uh, did you ping him up?
I did.
I did.
We just may.
We just may.
I feel like we got to get Trislet up here.
Cause, uh.
I'll double.
We'll double ping him.
Well, listen.
I'm not trying to fucking spit wrong with this guy.
I'm sorry.
I didn't.
Yeah.
I let it go the first time you asked me if I pinged him.
It rolls off the tongue.
I'm sorry.
Don't put, don't put Trislet on your tongue.
He's a man of respect.
I was questioning what the double pinging was.
I'm not.
Listen.
First of all, he asked me.
We're moving on.
Yeah.
It was basically over already.
I'm just saying.
Look.
As a concerned member of the community, I would just like a clarification on what you guys
do when you're double pinging somebody.
Let me help you.
First of all, that was never done.
It was an accusation made by a madman who was lying and gaslighting everybody.
That was easy.
He's known for it.
He's a known gaslighter.
Trislet, technically speaking, is my boss.
Right?
Token Smart.
Longest running program that I do.
And a big fan of his.
And he was just at Rizzle Fest.
Supposed to hang out with him, drink some beers.
Couldn't go because I was making the people.
And I'm not going to have you insinuating that I pinga him.
Because I know what Spanish means.
Now you go to Costa Rica.
You learn words.
Think I don't know them.
And you're accusing me of pingaing Trislet.
It was double pingaing.
Not double pingaing.
It was a double.
Yeah.
It was a double.
Of course, yeah.
There were multiple pingas in the picture.
He said, did you pinga him?
And I said, no, I did not.
I would not do that.
And then he was like, we should double pinga him.
And spit roast this gentleman.
I'm like, yo, fuck out of here.
Trislet's my friend.
You're going to do the Eiffel Tower with him?
And I'm not going to do that.
That's what he wants to do.
But I'm not going to do it.
He'll be out for it.
He'll be single towering.
He'll be leaning tower by himself trying to Eiffel Tower with no friend.
Hey, yeah.
You said it.
Not me, right?
I don't know.
I'm here now.
What are we doing?
No, he said it.
I just invited him.
He's all for it.
Oh, he's winning.
Oh, good.
He's enthusiastic.
Technically speaking, EZ's knowing you longer than me.
So I don't know why he feels this comfortable.
What happened at Rizzlefest?
I don't know.
We're all really close.
She's gotten too close now, right?
Yeah, Bugs in the Rugs.
Smart and all her show stuff.
There's a lot of underlying tension in the statement right here.
Well, what I said was, I mean, you missed some good things today.
We talked about how to cure crabs by encasing your genitalia in Vicks.
West Indian medicinal cures.
Lots of fun stuff.
Jeff Jags, sexual history.
We went into a lot of things today.
But I'm glad to have you.
You're suffocating them, right?
You're making it so they can't breathe.
Perfect.
See?
Immediately, the man picks up on how to kill some crabs.
Science.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Science.
Bill fucking Nye over here.
Yeah.
I don't know if I'd want to do that experiment on a science show for kids or anything.
But yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, the kids got to learn at some point how to cure crabs without telling their parents.
You guys got to stop infantilizing these kids, man.
Right.
Whoa.
That's a good point.
Doing what?
You got to make them grow up fast, man.
You can't treat them like little kids forever.
Nah, that's...
Now you're all on Epstein's Island.
And I'm getting the fuck off.
I don't know what's going on.
This show's way off the rails.
You're like treating them like adults.
Nah, man.
We can't do that.
They're children.
Easy insinuated that once on another program.
We ended the show immediately.
He said it one time.
I ended the show.
I said, all right, guys.
Thanks for coming out.
Thanks for tuning in.
This is meekies.
Yeah.
R5, R Tribe.
Cut.
Just fucking cut.
Cut the shit right off.
Because, yeah, we're not going to be caught with that soundbite.
Not at all.
Absolutely not.
Now, how's about this?
We missed you at Rizzlefest, man.
We did want you to be there.
In fact, you were there.
I wish I was there.
There could have been a baby born there.
That would have been incredible.
No, no.
That would have been a murder of me.
Yeah.
My girl's a murder.
She got guns.
There's no thing.
I got them, too.
But I'm just kidding.
There's no thing.
I've put her through enough.
There's no, like, hey, sorry I can't be there for the birth of our baby.
I'm getting drunk in the woods in Tennessee.
Crypto.
Nah.
There's no wag me for that.
There's just pack me.
Just pack my shit up.
Didn't tell her you were going to be with your bro.
Your bro.
You're fucking harsh and the mellow, man.
We're all fucking Rizzlefest, bro.
You're like, have a baby?
Like, you should come up here.
Have it here.
Like, just like a doctor here somewhere, man.
No, the point was, you know, if you had brought her with us.
I mean, we had a...
She ain't coming.
She's pregnant.
Have it on the bus.
Yeah.
Kuroke says he's trained in, like, first aid.
He's delivered babies before.
Only crypto people would be like, let's take an eight-month pregnant woman into the woods.
Only crypto people.
Nah, she'll do murder.
We would have been covered.
It's no big deal.
All natural.
Because she's pleasant.
But as soon as we got home, she'd say, bro, what the fuck?
I'm like, what?
And she was like, no.
We got to talk.
I'm sure she would have been wonderfully nice to all of us, so we won't believe you
when you say it was like that after.
Right?
Yeah, because she's a trickster.
She's wily.
The thing she says, I got out of the shower, and she walks up to me.
I'm toweling off, and she goes, look at you.
Part white man with your red-ass nipples.
And then she just walks out the room.
Oh, shit.
This is the kind of lady that I'm in love with.
And I said, hey.
And she's holding my baby.
I'm like, yo, what the fuck?
Hey, yo.
And she's like, what?
It's true.
I told you he was a fucking soulless ginger.
She goes, yeah.
He eats your steak medium rare.
I was like, I just made you delicious lamb.
I made a delicious lamb.
Amazing lamb tonight.
Then I carved it off the shank for her and made tacos out of it.
Little lamb tacos so she can enjoy with her face.
Because I'm a fucking treasure.
I did not expect to be verbally assaulted.
Oh, wait.
She came up with that?
Like, on the fly like that?
Man.
Like, it would take me days to come up with that.
No, no.
She just looked at me and said it.
She's been getting progressively funnier over the course of the years.
Oh, she's always been funnier than you.
She has always.
She was always funnier than you, bro.
Always.
Yeah, she was.
It would be one thing if I was, like, insecure and trying to suppress my girl's greatness.
She's a fucking learning robot.
I remember.
She wasn't funny.
I made her funny.
She'll tell you I made her funny.
I was the first thing.
I didn't know her when she was unfunny.
I just knew she was smoking you.
This product.
You just walk up and see a fucking, see a goddamn, see all the presents under the tree.
No one asks where the decorations came from.
You know, fucking Papa Bear did that.
Yeah.
You walk up, you see all the food in the fucking fridge.
Magically.
No one knows where the groceries came from.
Yeah, I did that.
You're welcome.
First thing that I had to watch is Flix by De Niro.
Is she, like, not here listening?
Is this a good thing?
Nah, she drifts in it now.
She walks past.
She walks in and she'll stop and look at me.
We get some little comments every once in a while.
They're usually supportive.
Yeah, generally.
Although, she's burned you a couple times on mic.
But, yeah.
Yeah.
She actually had his wife and she frickin' slayed everybody in basketball.
I heard.
It was a little ringer.
Yeah.
It was a Shaquille O'Neal.
Shaquille O'Neal?
What was it?
Yeah.
Shaquille O'Neal.
Well, did she go with Shaquille O'Neal?
There was Michelle.
No, she was like Michelle O'Neal.
Yeah, Michelle O'Neal.
Yeah, yeah.
Michelle.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
I know it was something like that.
Speaking of the truth.
You know, we played that, like, halfway through the first game.
Like, holy shit, I'm out of shape.
Like, I'm really bad.
I'm like, I should be working out.
I told myself that.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It isn't tricky.
See, you're trying to do something, you realize the gravity of how far away it's gotten.
Hey, so just because I wasn't there, do I not get shirts?
Well, you didn't want to send your address to any of us.
I did.
So we can't give you a shirt.
I almost sent my address.
Oh, because I was going to send you a cake, but then you didn't.
I don't listen to it.
Oh, no, no.
I don't want a cake.
Because I think you were here for the erotic cake conversation, and you asked if I wanted a cake.
I do not want a cake.
I do not want an erotic cake sent to my home.
I mean, all the things you got to do if you want a Frizzlefest shirt, dude.
If I ate cake, I would just eat the regular dick cake, because, like, who cares?
Yeah, exactly.
So if this guy eats the dick on my behalf, then I should still get the shirt, right?
Listen, you don't care.
It's a little convoluted.
You don't care who eats the dick, as long as someone num, num, num.
So, listen, this guy offered to eat the dick.
I'm just saying.
Hey, can you back eat the fuck up for a minute?
Goddamn.
We're going to try to get some dick eating, sir.
Do you want to do it?
Hey, can I suck your dick?
Yes.
All right, bet.
Bring it here, buddy.
What's up, daddy?
No, no, no, no.
Your mom used to call me daddy.
Did he say bring it here, blackie?
Daddy, can I put your dick in my ass?
Oh, okay.
I'm going to put my dick in your ass, then.
All right, daddy?
You can put your dick in your own ass.
Bro, I do that every fucking night, bro.
I'm kind of sick of it, honestly.
There's some sort of a coilment, like a snake.
Bro, like, I want to explore someone else's asshole, and I think Kane is the kind of person
I want to do it with, honestly.
No, not really.
Yo, Trisley.
You made it to get approval from his wife.
You should ask his wife even more than him.
Oh, dude.
I've been all up in Kane's wife's walls, bro.
Oh, my God.
Put my tongue up in there.
They are exclusive.
They are exclusive.
Bro, she took a shit, and instead of wiping, I just licked it out of her butt.
He's like four troll ways back, huh?
It's like this.
Yeah.
This is like old school troll.
Kane, you honestly sound hot as fuck, bro.
Why didn't we do this gay dance?
You know, he sounds like she just left him, and he's like, you know, before I got with
this bitch, yo, we used to do that, bro.
Bro, yo, you're actually completely right, bro.
Yo, Lo Sleazy, let me hop on that meat of yours.
Hey, yo.
Yeah.
See?
Hey, you have a problem with me riding other dudes' meat?
No, I'm just saying.
There's rush stops for you to do this at.
You don't have to be on the internet.
You realize, like, I have a secret camera installed in your room right now.
I'm watching.
I want you to be happy.
So, listen, if running around the internet, offering to suck a bunch of dicks with your
butthole, that's what makes you happy?
I want you to, you know, fill your heart, bro.
I do.
But I do.
But I actually.
Hold on, you're shouting.
You can't shout at me.
So, you're shouting.
I have a secret camera in your room.
I watch you sleep every night, bro.
First of all, I don't sleep in my room.
I sleep on the couch.
Yeah.
Second of all.
I watch that shit, bro.
I jack off to you every night.
Well, you should because I'm winning the pool in it, which means shirt and no bottom.
Bro, you're actually sexy as fuck, bro.
Pull your pants down real quick, you faggot.
I am.
This is a fact.
I am delicious to everyone.
Bro.
That would affect me if I was a really bad.
I bet you're not a bigger faggot, though.
I think everyone wants me.
I'm not going to fuck you, but let me take three drinks.
I'm a rich.
I bet.
You think Jeff Jagg wants some of that meat?
Let me be clear.
Jeff Jagg.
With extra kitchen?
Hey, Natalie Cruz.
Jeff Jagg is a fucker.
You think this faggot likes that meat up his mouth?
You can't handle Jeff Jagg.
Jeff Jagg will pound that butt off.
You don't care.
Bro, I put my tongue up Jeff Jagg's ass.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
You don't get to lick his butt because Jeff Jagg ain't into that.
Me and Jeff Jagg are close personal friends.
Now, when you get up here and you ask for the thunder.
No, 100%, bro.
Thunder is rained down upon you.
The thunder will get rained down.
You don't call for Jeff Jagg and then get upset when the thunder is brought because he
will bring the thunder.
And when the thunder gets brought to you, it's like asking lightning to strike.
There's no one striking you.
There's no one striking you.
He's going to strike you in the ass with the rod of Thor.
Because you don't know that about Jeff Jagg.
He's a biblical penis.
Hit you with it.
You know?
That's the thing about Jeff Jagg.
People don't know that.
You can't go calling him out.
I stopped you.
I'm trying to help you out.
I had to mute you because you're there like, oh, let me call Jeff Jagg out.
You can't do that with Jeff Jagg.
It's like Beetlejuice.
Say his name too many times, the motherfucker will appear.
Jeff Jagg will appear.
He will show up and show out and beat it on your belly.
They're like a tom-tom drum.
These are facts.
So, yeah.
I'm just trying to protect you guys from the sexual energy that is Jeff Jagg.
Dot ETH.
JeffJagg.ETH coming to a store near you.
I'm going to start doing promos for Jeff.
Get the hands off Jeff Jagg.
Let me have a job, Jeff.
I'm going to do a promo for it that has nothing to do with your artwork.
I'm crying right now.
Oh, Lordy, Lordy.
Oh, God.
Well, that was like freaking speakeasy after hours.
Wasn't it?
Totally after hours.
I got this little notification at the top of the screen.
It's like someone you blocked has entered the room.
And then that guy started talking.
And right underneath his name in big red letters, it said blocked.
Oh, you've been through that shit with him already then.
Yeah, he's a little puddin'.
He's a little puddin'.
Yeah.
Good trolls know how to, you know, they try to rock you to sleep first.
This guy's like, hey, what's up, everybody?
What's the suck of that dick?
And we're fucking at.
That's not trolling.
That's just making a sexual spectacle of yourself.
And that'll work some places where they're like, they have tender sensibilities and your
use of strong language is going to offend them.
As this place is full of.
Not really going to shock us.
You don't.
Very low effort.
That's right.
Very low effort.
We just kept waiting for you to get creative with it.
Yeah.
Offering to ride Lowe's dick.
That was funny, though.
That was funny.
I'm not going to lie.
That was funny because Lowe said it, even though he was on mute.
He was like, ew.
I know he was.
He was like, ew.
He probably said something like that.
It was probably great.
Or he said something really homophobic and great.
And I knew to do.
I knew to.
Oh, God.
Oh, that's fucking great.
Oh, fun times.
So, yeah.
That was great.
Hey, Lindsey's here.
Hey, Lindsey.
Yeah.
But anywho, we had a good time.
I think we took the choo-choo train as far as it's going to go.
We had troll.
We learned some stuff.
We taught some good lessons about health and hygiene.
Really happy that we did that because I think we made a difference in the community.
Easy, what do you think?
I think we have spread knowledge and science far and wide tonight.
And, yeah.
I'd say we close up shop.
That was a little interesting extracurriculars there.
But, yeah.
Yeah.
We did have to.
We're also here teaching people to avoid the herp.
Yeah.
Good stuff.
I do think that the trolls need to step it up.
Just something a little more creative.
Put a little more thought into it.
Come in with like a shtick maybe.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Or, like, you know, juggle.
Don't just offer to ride some digital dongs and then just, you know, just bail out on us.
Hey, Jessica.
Did you want to say something before we wrap the show up?
Yeah.
I was just going to say that was low-budget trolling.
And he needed to come with something stronger.
And it's not even trolling, right?
Because I think that he probably actually talks to his bros like that and fucks them.
Think about it.
The way they're always like, bro, bro, bro.
It's just like, yeah, that guy, he's just acting out.
If he hasn't done it yet, he wants to.
You can hear it.
That's just a lot of a weird porno.
That's not real.
I know those guys.
They just, they don't have a very vast vocabulary.
I'm not going to take that and say that they want to suck a bunch of dicks because of it.
You know, like, I know guys who aren't that good at math.
Doesn't mean they jack off on the airplane, which is, in fact, the victimless crime.
So, I think our vibe, our tribe, thank you for tuning in to the Speakeasy and part two of Easy's Intervention.
Tune in next week for part three, where we're going to really close it out and try to get easy to stop performing racisms.
And if we can fit in maybe something for Natalie, that'd be great, too, because she has been putting pictures of Guyanese people selling bottles of, I know what it is, but I'm afraid of what that looks like to y'all.
So, I don't like the way it makes me feel.
Because I would drink those things because they're good for you.
But y'all don't know that.
And they look like used two liters, and they are, because we don't throw away bottles.
So, yes, have a lovely day and a happy, prosperous new year and a happy Yuletide.
And don't take no wooden nickels.
And remember that old Papa Mayfield said it first.
You're not a DJ and you're going to lose all your money.
You're a fucking idiot.
Stop listening to people who don't live at your house.
O-V-O-T.
I'm our tribe, bitches.
I'm our tribe, bitches.
I'm our tribe, bitches.
